Overcoming Trauma, Letting Go of Perfectionism, & Doing What's Hard with Tia & Grant | DFIO Ep.283
About Today’s Episode:
Welcome back to the show! I have a really heavy, really deep episode for you guys today. You are going to meet an amazing human in this episode—and her transformation is the epitome of dieting from the inside out.
So today you guys are going to hear from Tia, and as I said, her story is just incredible. I know it’s going to be really inspiring to you guys.
I don’t want to give too much away, so I really encourage you to stick around for the whole thing. I know you’ll get a ton out of it.
Let’s dive in!
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Intro & About Today’s Episode
01:59 Our Sponsors
05:50 Tia’s Story
25:11 Where Tia is at Now
31:43 What Made The Biggest Difference for Tia
41:28 Why Tia Signed Up For Coaching
51:02 Why Tia Has Been So Successful
01:05:32 Outro—Freebies & How to Apply for Coaching
Transcript (click to expand)
DFIO283 Tia and Grant
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Overcoming Trauma, Letting Go of Perfectionism, & Doing What's Hard with Tia & Coach Grant | DFIO Ep.283
0:00:00.0 Tia: I couldn't show up for myself because I didn't love myself, because I didn't care about myself. That's why I wasn't showing up for myself, because I didn't think I deserved it. What you think about yourself really shapes and molds a lot of different things. So, like, my identity work, I seriously took to heart, and anything I did that was outside of what I decided I wanted my identity to be like, I checked myself.
[music]
0:00:27.7 Jared: What's going on, y'all? I hope you are well, welcome back to a brand new episode of Dieting From the Inside Out. And, man, do I have an episode for you today. Today's episode is very heavy. It's really, really deep, and you're gonna learn about an amazing, amazing human. And let me just say, this is the epitome of what I would call dieting from the inside out. This is the exact epitome of what can happen to your life if you quite literally do the inner work and actually diet yourself from the inside out. I know that's the name of the show, the show is called, and you guys know that that's my big thing, is if you don't do the inner work, if you have outer work, without inner work, nothing ever works. And this is one of the most real life and accurate cases where this is a really big deal and how profound this can impact your life. So that's what we're going to get into today. And you're not going to hear it from my mouth. You're going to hear it from, her name is Tia. The actual person that has gone through this and gone through, I'll be honest, hell and back.
0:01:34.2 Jared: And this story will, I think, will empower you. I think it will inspire you, and I think it will make you realize that you are capable of more than you realize. And it's going to be one of those things where you're going to hear Tia's story, and you're going to be like, wow, if she did this, there's no reason I can't. So I don't want to give away too many of the magical secrets, but I'm telling you, this is a heavy one, and it is so good. It's one of my favorite client interviews we've ever done, so I won't get into too much more. But before we start, I do want to have a big thank you to the sponsors of the show. Sponsor number one FlexPro Meals of course. I'm telling you, they make my life really easy. I'm getting ready to hop on a plane tomorrow, and I would love to take some FlexPro Meals with me so, just to make travel even easier. But I'm not sure if I can bring them in a carry on because I don't think I'm checking a bag. But anyway, but that's the thing, is that's the reason for FlexPro because if you're on the go, if you have other commitments and you find yourself eating out a lot or in drive throughs or whatever the case, or you want to think about food less and just have it ready to go.
0:02:33.2 Jared: FlexPro is amazing for that because it's literally food delivered to your house that is meant for you and your goals. That's cheaper than a drive through. It's just hard to get better than that. But if you use my code, HamiltonTrained at checkout, it's going to save you an additional 25%, which is pretty legit. So definitely check them out at flexpromeals.com or hit the link below. And then our second sponsor is 1st Phorm. Because I know I say it all the time, supplements are not the end all, be all, but that doesn't mean they don't have their time and their place. And if you are choosing to partake and get into the world of supplementation because you're just missing some areas with food, you've got to be taking some good stuff because not all supplements are created equal. The supplement industry is pretty interesting. There are so many supplements that have either fillers or the labels aren't accurate, or ingredients aren't safe, or they're not third party tested, whatever the case may be. And 1st Phorm is for them, they put it all on the table and they have all of the right things and they're some of the best supplements that you can take.
0:03:25.2 Jared: Because my thing is, if you're going to invest in yourself on any level, I think you should be investing in the best. It's why, if you're hiring a coach, I think you should hire the best coaches. If you're taking supplements, I think you should take some of the best supplements that you can take. I don't think you can try to bargain your way to get the best results possible. So that's why we work with 1st Phorm. So definitely check out the link below if you're trying to upgrade what you're taking or even learn a little bit more about the supplement side of things. And if there's areas that you can improve on that you just aren't getting with food, that can absolutely impact your goals. So definitely check out the link there. And if you have not already subscribed to the show, you'll definitely want to do that. This way you don't miss anything. I'm telling you, I'm bringing some of the biggest, baddest, best guests and episodes your way, and I don't want you to miss anything. Okay, so definitely subscribe to the show. But let's get into all of this because I wanna talk to... I wanted to introduce you to an amazing woman named Tia. So in this episode, Tia just graduated our coaching program. She just came out on the other side of it. I think she has like a couple of weeks left, but she's basically graduating the program.
0:04:23.1 Jared: By the time you guys listen to this, she'll have graduated the program. And it's like I said, quite literally, it's the epitome of dieting from the inside out with, she is a story of overcoming a story of having so much of life up against her. Not just like normal life up against her. I'm talking about having her daughter at 16, having the... A not so great home life, having all this stuff happen and go on in her life that's just made things really difficult. And she has chosen to take control of her life and go win on the other side of this thing. So that's what we're talking about. And you want to talk about, and she's not... I can't explain all that she's done. She's fixed her relationship with food. She's fixed her entire relationship with herself. She's learned to love herself again, and all while making all this progress and healing her relationship with everything. I just can't put into words the amount of amazing things Tia's done in just the last six short months. But the cool thing is, Tia is very eloquent in how she explains this and how she walks you through her life, it's amazing to listen to her. And I think you're going to get a lot out of this episode because you're going to be able to apply immediately what she's just telling about how her journey went, her story, and I think you'll be able to apply it to your situation very, very quickly.
0:05:45.7 Jared: So that's what we're going to get into in today's episode. So I hope you enjoy. I'll talk to you soon. I usually like to record early, then we just cut off the bullshit in the beginning. That way it gets kind of relaxed so it's not formal. Like you listen to the show, don't you?
0:05:57.9 Tia: Yeah, yeah. I actually joined because of Stephanie Armstrong's interview, because she's a family friend.
0:06:04.0 Jared: Oh, Yeah?
0:06:04.4 Grant: Yeah. And now you guys are going to be on here together. That's pretty cool.
0:06:08.9 Tia: Yeah.
0:06:09.6 Jared: Well see this, so this is exactly what I'm talking about. You heard Stephanie's interview. You go, "Huh. If she can do it, then I can do it." Right? I'm telling you it's the... Go ahead.
0:06:18.0 Tia: Well Yeah. And she's a family friend. She's actually one of my mom's best friends. So I grew up with Stephanie as basically an auntie type person. And I know her very well. And I was really struggling and I've known her through her struggle, except I was a kid in that. So I didn't necessarily after hearing her podcast, I was like, oh, wow, a lot of things make sense. But when I was a kid, I didn't get it, you know what I mean? And so seeing her go through all of that in person and then hearing her podcast and I was like, and I know her. She's not going to spend her money on something that she doesn't believe in. And so then I was like, oh, wow, this is cool okay, okay maybe and then you DM'd me. Well, and I was avoiding it. And then you DM'd me and I was like, oh, shit.
0:07:14.4 Jared: Now, did you know Grant was the one in the trenches working with her, though?
0:07:17.1 Tia: I did when I had my talk with Connor, well, and he was on the podcast too.
0:07:23.8 Jared: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy small world. Crazy small world. How it all...
0:07:25.9 Tia: Yeah. Yeah.
0:07:26.4 Jared: And now you... Well...
0:07:27.2 Grant: Oh, I know. It really is.
0:07:29.4 Jared: It's just wicked. So tell a little bit about your story about where you were before coaching. Just kind of give the rundown just to how bad it was and stuff.
0:07:39.9 Tia: It was so bad, I didn't even realize it was bad.
0:07:44.3 Jared: Okay.
0:07:45.0 Tia: If that makes any sense. I was pretty delusional to my issue. So I guess my story kind of starts when I was a kid, Grant and I did a lot of inner child work. Also, I'm sorry if there's feedback because there's kids, but so, I did a lot of... Grant and I had to do a lot of inner child work because a lot of my issues stemmed from when I was a kid. And so I grew up in a household before I got taken out of it. My biological dad was very abusive in every form of abusive that you could be very degrading. And then I was also sexually abused. And when you're that little and you're abused in those ways, your whole view of self is distorted. And I didn't love myself. The only thing I knew about myself were negative things, and I just... That's how I thought about myself. And I didn't realize how much as I continued to grow, how much that affected me or impacted me. And so then in high school I... So I got taken out of the home at 13, and I started kind of working on myself and stuff like that. But like, you're 13. And then in high school, I got pregnant, and that's when kind of my body image well, my body image issues started before that because I was sexualized at such a young age.
0:09:21.2 Tia: And so I was just constantly like, I want to look a certain way, I want to feel a certain way. And that obviously wasn't healthy at all. And then in high school, I got pregnant. And when you're 16 and you're going to high school and you're going through all of the changes that happen in your body, like your stomach getting bigger, you're getting fat in different places, fat that you need. But I was 16, and I had a very distorted image of myself, and there's kids that comment on it or kids I walk into class and people would make comments to me, and I did my best to hold my head high and just like, do it for my kid. But it was really hard and it really messed up my perception of myself and so much to the point that while I was pregnant I actually, it would drive my mom crazy, but I wouldn't eat the way I was supposed to. And that wasn't like a conscious thing. It wasn't like, oh, I don't want it. I don't want to gain weight, so I'm not going to eat. It was a very much unconscious thing. And then I went... I had my kid. I went through a lot of stuff with her, graduated high school and then I went to college.
0:10:40.4 Tia: And I didn't... Oh, and okay, so before I had my kid, I was like 110 pounds. By the end of my pregnancy, I was 140 pounds. So that's like how malnourished I was. Like, I had only gained 20 pounds by the time I was... After my pregnancy again, well, then I'm a mom trying to balance school, trying to balance work, trying to balance my home life with my parents and with my kid. And I was a single mom, and food was not a priority. I was doing homework, I was working, I was... And it was like, oh, I'm going to grab a granola bar. Or I worked till 10:00 o'clock at night and I have a bunch of homework to do. So I'm going to sit in my bed and eat my dinner while I do my homework that I got from a restaurant on the way home because I worked at a restaurant. And so I didn't know anything about taking care of my body in the aspect of food, right? And a lot of my life has been about survival, survival in the mental or survival in the physical. Like, when I was a kid, it was surviving physically. And then as I got older, it became surviving mentally.
0:11:56.3 Tia: And I was never just living, I guess. And, so I had... Then I went to college, and when I went to college, I was 109 pounds, and I gained 25 pounds because I was in college. And I could... I don't know, you're 18, you go to college it's like you're sitting on the couch eating a bag of chips, like chilling. And also, I had no idea about nutrition, so I wasn't... I was eating frozen dinners and, you know what I mean? And not that those things are bad, but when that's all you're eating. And I'm still a single mom, so my kid is like my first parody in school and graduating and just all that stuff, right? But I was super, super messed up about the fact that I gained 25 pounds. Like, I hated it. I could not look in the mirror without being so mean to myself, and but I just kind of ignored those things. I was like, Whatever, that's fine. It's not an issue. And then 2020 rolled around, and everyone was getting healthy and using the COVID time to get themselves right. And so I started doing that, and that's when I just... The confusion set in because I didn't know anything about nutrition.
0:13:24.7 Tia: I didn't know anything about working out or what I was supposed to do or how you're supposed to do it. I'm like, I know how to do push ups. And I kind of took it to an extreme. And I couldn't... If I ate something that like was a sometimes food or like that I perceived as bad. I felt horrible and it just got to this point where when I was doing this in 2020, it was like A, I was still not losing any weight, but then also, and I was like, running every day. I was working out every day, like body weight workouts. And it was just like, fuck this. This doesn't make me feel good. I'm super confused. Like, whatever. And then, I try to be really careful about how I explain this stuff because I don't like to use the word disordered eating or eating disorder, because I want to be sensitive to people who have... Who actually have those diagnoses. But I definitely was acting in unhealthy eating habits solely based off of emotion and how I felt about myself.
0:14:43.8 Grant: Sure.
0:14:44.9 Tia: But again, this wasn't like a conscious thing. So in 2020, I met my now fiance, and he stepped up in my kids life, stuff like that. But he's in the army, and he had started to make comments like, did you eat today? And I'm like, no. And he would get really frustrated with me. And when we found out a year ago that he was getting this had continued for years, this pattern of me not eating. And not, I didn't know why. It was just like, oh, I'm not hungry. Which is, that's not why. But in my head, that was why. I just wasn't hungry.
0:15:29.2 Grant: Right.
0:15:29.6 Tia: And then, we... Fast forward to a year ago. We found out he was getting deployed to Cuba, which he's actually still on that deployment. And I asked him are you worried about anything with me leaving? And he was like, I'm kind of worried you're going to lose your mind. And he was just really frustrated with me not taking care of myself in all aspects, my mental, my physical, like, me not eating right, stuff like that, and not eating three meals a day and stuff like that. So before he left, I promised him that I would eat three meals a day, which I shouldn't have promised that because I could not hold to that until I fixed my mental. But, so then I moved in with my grandma while he and I'm still going to college, by the way. And now I'm back to being a single mom. And he's deployed. And so I'm living with my grandma, and my grandma's like, "Mija, you're not eating. Why are you not eating?" And I'm like, "I don't know. I don't know why I'm not eating. I'm just not hungry." And my grandma, she don't fuck around and...
0:16:41.4 Jared: I don't think anyone's grandmas fuck around when it comes to food.
0:16:42.7 Tia: Oh, my god.
0:16:43.6 Grant: Especially when it comes to food.
0:16:44.6 Tia: Yeah she would be "I don't care how old you are, you're going to go eat right now or I'm going to beat you." And I'm like, "okay, okay." And then she had a talk with me, and she was like, I'm worried about you. You don't eat. And she told me, I can always tell when you're going through something because I didn't tell my grandma like, hey, I'm going through this. She would tell me, I know you, and I can always tell when you're going through something because you stop eating. And I didn't realize that. And then my daughter started, I don't want to eat. I'm not hungry mom.
0:17:23.2 Jared: How old is your daughter?
0:17:24.6 Tia: She's five now...
0:17:25.1 Jared: Not to interject.
0:17:26.2 Tia: So she was four then.
0:17:28.2 Jared: Okay.
0:17:28.4 Tia: And she started like, well, I don't want to eat, or, I don't want to finish my food, or I'm full. Well, mom, you didn't finish your food. And I'm like, oh, shit. So then I started kind of, like, looking for answers, and I went on a... I was actually working on myself probably like, six months before I even met you guys or started the program starting when my fiance deployed. And so I started trying to find answers, like, okay, how do I work out? How do I do this? And my fiance works out a lot, and he was kind of helpful, but to the same note, every individual is different, so he's giving me stuff that he does right, but that's not necessarily what's going to work for me. So, I'm like, but I'm still not eating right. So I'm like working out, but I'm still not eating right, and I'm still struggling with that, and I don't understand. And there's two parts of it. One was my mental, but the other was like, I had went through that thing in 2020 where I had all of a sudden labeled foods as, like, these are bad foods and these are good foods. And just totally looking at food in a really, really unhealthy way and feeling like if I ate too much, like, if I ate three meals a day and snacked, I'd be like, "oh, my God, I ate too much today." And which... Like what the fuck? [laughter]
0:19:01.5 Jared: Sure.
0:19:01.6 Tia: But that's where I was in my mindset. And then there was the aspect of emotionally. Where my grandma was onto something. If I had a shit week, it was hard for me to eat. And part of that was I would kind of, for not pay attention to my hunger cues, I didn't even know what my hunger cues were. Grant and I literally had to have a discussion.
[laughter]
0:19:30.2 Tia: And I felt so dumb, 'cause I was like, "Grant, how do I know if I'm hungry? [laughter] Or how do I know if I'm full?" Because I wasn't taught those things. And in my dad's household when I was a kid, food was actually withheld from me. I couldn't open a box of cereal without asking or go get a snack without asking or like. There was just a lot of restrictions around food growing up in that timeframe, which affected me now. 'Cause then I was well, psychologically just affected me in that way. But part of it was I didn't know my hunger cues and I didn't know... I would kind of ignore them, but unintentionally. But then also I just learned that I was unconsciously coping with what I was dealing with in that way. Almost like a form of self harm.
0:20:29.0 Jared: Yeah.
0:20:31.0 Tia: And I was dealing with a struggle and not telling anybody about it, not a soul. And I still had fat and stuff that I didn't like or I didn't want there. I still was looking at my body in this, really horrible way. And I was so mean to myself. But I wasn't eating. And I was... It was just a very confusing thing that I didn't understand until I met you guys. And then, so then I was trying to work out, trying to eat right. And then one of my coworkers, 'cause I worked at a daycare and one of my coworkers was like, "Hey, I do Isagenix." And I was like...
0:21:16.0 Jared: Oh no.
[laughter]
0:21:17.5 Tia: And I was like, "I don't know what that is." And then she was like, "Well... " And she explained it all to me. And I'm confused and I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm like, "Well, maybe this will be a good start to like." I don't know, I don't know what my thought process was there. I did, I think it was two weeks of Isagenix. And I've never felt not to dis... If she ever sees this, not to dis her, but I've never felt worse in my life. That was horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. And it was right after that, that I saw Stephanie's podcast.
0:21:56.8 Tia: And I was like, "Oh, oh." But I was a little... Almost turned off by it a little bit because I also felt like my struggles don't look like other people's. I wasn't necessarily overweight, weight loss from the inside out. I was like, "I don't think that's for me." And again, that's another reason why I never talked about my struggles because on the other side of things, I wasn't overweight. I had a little bit of cellulite and fat where I didn't want it and stuff like that. But I wasn't healthy and I wasn't building muscle and I wasn't taking care of myself and my mental was fucked up. But in my head, I was like, "That's... It doesn't look like being overweight." It doesn't look like a lot of the issues that you see on the daily.
0:23:07.5 Tia: Or even necessarily what Stephanie dealt with. And so for me, I was like, "That's really cool and all, but I don't belong in that. I don't... And not necessarily like I'm better than that or anything like that, I just didn't feel like it was made for me.
0:23:23.4 Jared: Sure.
0:23:26.2 Tia: And that was the hard part too of struggling with my mental, like, "Is this really a struggle and is this all in my head? I'm not overweight. Is this really something that, is it all in my head?" You know what I mean? Those types of things. And then you messaged me because I commented on a post that you posted and then I was like, "Shit, shit, shit, shit." [laughter] I was like, "Oh no." And then you hooked me up with Connor and I had a conversation with Connor and Connor was like, "No, this is for you." And I was like, "Oh, okay." And then yeah, I jumped in and that's how I got here. [laughter]
0:24:08.1 Jared: And what's really funny is Grant, 'cause Grant and I were talking 'cause you were graduating the program and Grant and I were talking and I'm like, "Hey, hey, Tia is graduating, da da da, give me a little rundown." And Grant's words were, "I think she has had one of the biggest successes." I can't remember exactly how you worded it Grant, but in the history of the program. He said, "if there's someone who has milked every ounce out of the program and got the max benefit, it was Tia." And I'm like, "Get her on the fucking show."
[laughter]
0:24:38.3 Jared: You crushed it and I'm so glad I messaged you that day. I don't even remember what the message was if you asked her something or if I was just like, "Yo, I...
0:24:46.3 Tia: You commented... You posted the thing about... I don't even remember, something about working out. And I was talking about how my kid loves to tell me... Because she likes to do workouts with me. Well, "do workouts" with me...
[laughter]
0:25:00.0 Tia: And she's all, "Mom, this is so easy." And I'm like, "Thanks." [laughter] But I commented that and then you messaged me. [laughter]
0:25:10.4 Jared: Then we just started talking, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it." Where are things at now? Talk a little bit about that. 'Cause you're a different human. And obviously, and I love how... First of all, I really, really appreciate how open you are about all of this. 'Cause I know these are not fun things to talk about and relive. And I know everyone listening who's resonating is really appreciative as well, 'cause I'm sure there's a lot of heads nodding right now.
0:25:33.6 Tia: Yeah.
0:25:35.5 Jared: So talk a little bit about...
0:25:36.0 Tia: I try to be open.
0:25:37.0 Jared: Yeah, you talk about it, to be honest, with such elegance.
0:25:40.1 Tia: Thank you.
0:25:41.0 Jared: And such, almost a level of stoicism. I don't know if that's the right term to use, but you speak about it in such a way that is so amazing...
0:25:52.1 Tia: Thank you. I appreciate it.
0:25:53.4 Jared: Yeah, so where are things now? 'Cause things were bad, things were like you talked about real bad so.
0:26:00.0 Tia: In a sense, things are greater than they've ever been. But I'm also not where I want to be, and I think if I heard myself say I'm not where I want to be six months ago. I've been like, "What the hell?"
[laughter]
0:26:15.5 Tia: What do you mean? What do you mean?" But mentally, I never expected to be in this place. I never expected to be so well, just dealing with my mental the right way.
0:26:33.4 Grant: Yeah.
0:26:33.6 Tia: And healthily. I never saw that coming. In my head when I started this program, I was like, "You know what? In six months, I'm gonna have all my fat gone and I'm gonna be..." You know what I mean? Even though I heard you say over and over and over again. It takes time. It takes time.
0:26:51.5 Jared: Yeah. It takes time.
0:26:53.2 Tia: And I was like, "Nah, six months is enough time." [laughter] And...
0:26:57.7 Jared: Most people's goals go way beyond six months, but we have to do this before... That's the thing... Like the whole dieting from the inside principles, not to cut you off. Is that from the inside out principles is we have to do the mental work for the physical to work. Otherwise that you, we cannot put... Then the order of operations matters. So continue with what you're saying, though.
0:27:14.6 Tia: Yeah, so yeah, I'm not where I wanna be at by any means, but I'm better off than I ever was, and it's kind of like, "Hey, this is what I want," and then Grant was like, "No, this is what you need though." And I was like...
[chuckle]
0:27:30.8 Tia: He's like, "If you wanna get to what you want, you need to deal with what you need to deal with." And I pushed back a little. I pushed back. He was like, "You need to journal," and I was like, "No."
[laughter]
0:27:41.0 Tia: I think my first two or three weeks of the program, it's like... On the journaling section, it's like, "No, no, no. Yes. No, no, no, no"
[laughter]
0:27:54.9 Tia: And then like, and that's where my mental health is at the worst and Grant's like, "You need to journal." And I'm like, "Okay, but... "
0:28:04.6 Grant: When that was probably kind of the start of it all too. It is whenever you were kind of able to get into that and really start to open up and explore things that you hadn't explored.
0:28:13.0 Tia: Yeah, and so then I told him after I started journaling I was like, "Fuck, he's right." And so I started journaling, and I was... And then he's like... I had a really good week, and he was like, "Why." And it was the first week that I had journaled all seven days. And I was like...
0:28:32.2 Jared: Wow.
0:28:32.2 Grant: Did you ever get annoyed with me asking you that?
[laughter]
0:28:35.9 Grant: The, "Why did you have such good week?" 'Cause I really made you always answer that.
[laughter]
0:28:42.9 Tia: This week, this check-in, you asked me that, and I'm like, "Grant, [laughter] I love you, man. Fuck..."
0:28:47.8 Grant: We gotta finish strong.
[laughter]
0:28:48.1 Tia: "I love you, man, but I already thought about that."
[laughter]
0:28:53.2 Grant: Good, see, that's the goal. It's to get a condition where you already think about it.
0:28:57.8 Tia: Yeah.
0:28:57.9 Grant: Yeah.
0:28:58.0 Tia: Yeah.
0:28:58.0 Grant: So that's good.
0:29:00.0 Tia: Yeah.
0:29:00.1 Grant: And I'll ask you again next week too. So be prepared.
[laughter]
0:29:04.3 Tia: But I was talking to Grant, I was like, "I feel really pointless doing check-ins right now because I feel bad, [laughter] 'cause I'm like, I don't need you. I'm good." Do you need me, 'cause One of the questions is like, "Do you have any questions? Is there anything I can do to support you better?" or, like, "Those questions and I'm like, I literally sit there and think about that question very much in depth, and I'm like, "I can't, I'm good, I'm using all the tools he told me." I'm doing it without him, and I know that's the point, I know I'm supposed to be here, but I stuff a bag, as I said of a check-in, and I'm like, " this is the most boring check-in." [laughter]
0:29:44.1 Grant: From a coaching perspective, It's the best thing in the world whenever I get to a point with someone where their check-ins are just like, "I'm good, I'm good. I'm good. Nothing. I'm sorry that I'm wasting your time with this." It's like, "No, you're not wasting my time. This is exactly what I wanna see."
0:29:56.0 Jared: This is the point.
0:29:57.2 Tia: Yeah.
0:29:57.3 Grant: Yeah.
0:29:57.7 Jared: A lot of coaching programs trap their clients into needing them for years on end. And that's the thing is, truthfully, we have people who will stop at six months. We have people who will go for a couple years because everyone's situation is different, but at the end of the day, it's still about whatever we need to do, however long it takes to get them to graduate, and that's the point because we don't wanna be... I always tell people, "I cannot teach you co-dependence." I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that, "I cannot enable co-dependency and teach you independence simultaneously."
0:30:26.3 Tia: Right.
0:30:26.6 Jared: And that's why there's always this is the dichotomy of coaching and but that's the whole point is because we wanna know on our end. What do you need? What questions do you need answers? What obstacles are coming up that we need to address? What can I do to better support you? And that's how we do that. And so the fact that it gets to the point with everyone's like, "I'm good, I'm good. No questions. I'm awesome." Well, then our job is done.
0:30:51.0 Tia: Yeah. Yeah, well, and then too, it's kind of funny 'cause like. What was that three weeks ago, Grant, that we talked on the phone 'cause I was stressed out?
0:30:58.6 Grant: I think yeah, three weeks ago something like that.
0:31:01.1 Tia: Yeah, it's like three weeks ago. I was like, "Oh my god, my program is ending in a month," and I was like, "I'm not ready. What are you... No," and then Grant called me, and he's like, "What do you mean you're not ready? [laughter] Have you looked at your check-ins. Have you gone back and look at your history." And I was like, "Oh, okay, it's not that I'm not ready. It's that I'm just scared to go off by myself."
0:31:29.8 Jared: Which is normal.
0:31:31.3 Tia: Yeah, and then I was... And now I'm like, "I feel bad sending you these check-ins 'cause there's nothing for you." But literally, even just three weeks ago. I was like, What the heck? And I'm like, no, it's fine. We'll be fine. It'll be okay. [laughter]
0:31:46.5 Jared: Let me ask you this, so what specifically, especially for those listening in it for, so they can apply this to their situation, what were some of the things that you guys did, that shifted things for you that made the biggest differences? Obviously journaling. Okay. Every person who's that resistant to journaling. Journaling is what changes their life. [laughter]
0:32:04.4 Jared: Let's just be real.
0:32:05.2 Tia: Yeah.
0:32:06.2 Jared: But what all were some of the things that you guys worked on strategically and Grant, I'll have you answer this in here in a second, that you noticed shifted things for you so much.
0:32:16.3 Tia: Well, I would say first and foremost, before I even explain those things, was I had to trust Grant. With my whole everything if I...
0:32:27.6 Jared: Yeah.
0:32:28.2 Tia: 'Cause it, and what really showed me that was with the journaling thing. 'Cause I was like, "this is so stupid. Why do I have to journal?" And like, no offense, it's not stupid, it's not. But in my head I was like, "This is stupid."
0:32:39.9 Jared: Sure.
0:32:41.4 Tia: And when I started doing that and it proved Grant, right. I was like, shit, I'm holding myself back because I'm not putting my whole trust into Grant. And so that was something that I really really had to do. And I had to trust myself, which was really hard. So those were the first two things that I had to do to even begin working on myself. And begin all the process was saying, okay, Grant's gonna ask me to do some shit that seems really stupid, but I'm gonna have to do it, whether I want to or not.
[laughter]
0:33:22.2 Tia: And, so then the very first thing that really started to shift stuff was identity work. I hated myself six months ago and I wasn't even necessarily aware of that. It was like, I would say, I love myself, I'm a good person, whatever. But I didn't actually believe that. It's like I knew the right things to say. I knew what I should feel about myself, but I didn't actually feel that way about myself. And so then, me and Grant, I think had a conversation about just that. And he's all, all right, well let's do some identity work. And I was like, you wanna do what? And he is like, You can decide what your identity is. And I was like, you mean I get to just like today, right now, decide that I am a whole brand new person? And he is like, yes. And I'm like, and I took that shit to heart.
0:34:26.9 Jared: Yes.
0:34:27.6 Tia: I took it to heart. I was like, I sat down and I wrote out, this is who I want to be. And I've added to it, not physically, I've added to it mentally, 'cause I'm now to the point where, things just kind of happen subconscious, not even subconsciously. Just like, they're not as difficult to do anymore. So it just kind of happens in my head, but I've added to it since then. And I seriously took that to heart. So everything I did, and one of the big things was loving myself. You can't, show up for yourself, or at least I can, I should say I can 'cause I don't know other people's lives. But I couldn't show up for myself because I didn't love myself, because I didn't care about myself. Because I thought that I was, just a nuisance to the world basically. And that's why I wasn't showing up for myself, 'cause I didn't think I deserved it.
0:35:26.2 Tia: And what you think about yourself really, really shapes and molds a lot of different things. So my identity work, I seriously took to heart. And anything I did that was outside of what I decided I wanted my identity to be. I checked myself, and I was like, no. And Grant told me to do this. Grant was like, even if you have to say it out loud, even if you have to go to the mirror and say it out loud, this is not who I am anymore. And I did that. I literally, if I was working and I did something, I had a thought that was like, that was fucking stupid. Why'd you do that? Or why'd you say that? Or like, God these jeans look really shitting on me. Or any negative thought I had about myself, I had to literally stop myself in my tracks and correct myself and be like, that's not who you are anymore. That's really fucking mean, stop being mean to yourself. And I would say those things in my head or out loud, if I was alone Then I would say those things out loud.
0:36:32.3 Tia: So identity work, for sure. And like I said, I'm still adding to it. The most recent thing that I add to it, and I think one of the biggest things for me was, perfectionism. I prided myself on being a perfectionist with school, with work with my... With the things I do as a mom, with everything. And if I was not perfect, I just graduated with my bachelor's degree and I made honors. That literally, people are proud of me for that, and honestly, I'm really proud of me for that. But to the same note, that was all fueled by perfectionism. It was all fuel by perfectionism. And it's like, if I wasn't perfect, if I got a B on a paper, if I messed up and slipped up and didn't eat right, if I fucking was so disappointed and angry with myself, to my core was just, why did you do that? That's so stupid. You know better and you did it anyway. And I would beat myself up. And part of it was I felt like I had to, part of it was I felt like I was holding myself accountable, but that wasn't true. I wasn't holding myself accountable, I was just being cruel to myself and holding myself to a standard that, I wasn't being like, that's not human. [laughter]
0:38:05.0 Tia: I'm not perfect I'm gonna fuck up and that's okay. And Grant told me, it's part of... Shit, I lost my train of thought, I apologize.
0:38:15.8 Jared: You're good.
0:38:17.0 Tia: But what really helped me with shutting my perfectionism was defining what failure was and what success was. I had to, check myself when defining success and make sure that I was not defining that from a point of perfectionism. Because for me, what I do is I prioritize my physical and my mental, I'm like er it's a'ight whatever like.
[laughter]
0:38:53.5 Tia: I'm all I can't see it. If I can't see it, touch it, feel it like whatever then in my head I'm like that's not a priority.
0:39:01.2 Jared: "I don't want it."
[laughter]
0:39:01.9 Tia: Yeah. It's not a priority. And my physical, I'm like I can see it. I see the numbers, I see the data. I see. And, that was, why I held it at this standard. So If, I was in the busiest time of my life, literally, I have never been busier in my life working part-time, going to college, I was, my fiance's deployed. I'm single mom innit. I'm also, still managing that relationship. In the week that I graduated, I graduated on a... Well my family came into town on a hold on. I had finals, a week before I graduated. Then my family came into town on a Thursday. I graduated on a Saturday and I moved across the country on a Sunday. And I'm also engaged, so like three... So I'm also planning a wedding and I am, went wedding dress shopping and I'm trying to prioritize myself, but also my relationship with my kid and my relationship with my significant other, and I'm so busy. And, so of course there's gonna be times where I do... It's not realistic for me to put in a full workout. It's not. It's not. Because there were times where I would not, I would get up at 6:00 in the morning, be gone from 6:00 in the morning until 9:00 o'clock at night, and I don't have time to fucking step on a scale. I don't have time to... And Grant was, do you though, it takes two seconds. I'm like yeah, but the scale's in my grandma's bathroom.
[laughter]
0:40:44.3 Tia: So I can't wake her up at 10 o'clock at night. But there... It was just I was busy and if I didn't do something, if I couldn't, if I didn't have time to step on a scale, I was like "shit, Grant. I didn't step on the scale" and Grant's like, "It's just a scale. You're fine." [laughter] Or I didn't hit a workout and I was like "oh my God, I'm failing. I didn't work out this week." But then Grant's like, "yeah, but you went on walks and you put in movement and you did some squats while you were brushing your teeth. And you... What do you mean you didn't put in a workout?" And so shedding my perfectionism I think was the biggest thing.
0:41:30.4 Jared: Yeah. Let me ask you this along, since we're in here on this, one of the biggest reasons people A, don't get started changing their life or B, sign up for coaching, and invest in themselves is because they're too busy or the season, in their life is so much right now. But you didn't, you had every legitimate reason, to put off this longer. Like everyone else listening into this, especially sign up for coaching. For you, why didn't you, I think this is important for everyone to hear.
0:42:01.8 Tia: So A, I was fed up with myself. I was fed up. I didn't have an option in my head. In fact, I so much didn't have an option, which I'm not telling people to do this, but I so much was not having an option that I paid for coaching without talking to my fiance. And then I was like oh... And then I talked to my fiance and he was like, "What?" And I was like, [laughter] which was fine. It ended up being fine. But I told him like, 'cause he didn't know it was an issue either. He didn't really know what.
0:42:33.9 Jared: Yeah.
0:42:33.9 Tia: I was doing this, and so when I explained it, he was, "okay, I fully support you, but, don't do that again." But, that's how fed up I was with myself. That's how hurt and broken and just in such a shitty place mentally. I was that I just like I was like you know what, fuck it. But also Connor was like, this is the time to do it. Because if you can manage it now and you're busy in your storm, in your whatever you've got going on in your life, which I had a million things going on in my life, then when it's chill, you'll be fine. But if you do things when it's calm and mellow, like if I had six months of calm and mellow. And everything was easy and coaching was easy, and I could go into, my workouts and workout, as much as I wanted to and eat and just hit all those things. Well then guess what? When my life gets hard and I get stressed out, I'm not gonna know what the fuck to do.
0:43:36.6 Jared: Nope.
0:43:37.2 Tia: And it's like, things that matter are hard. And this was something that mattered and was really hard. And I had to say, you know what? I need to make time for this, no matter how busy I am. 'Cause it's not... This is my life. This is my health, this is my kid. I have to fight this. I had to fight this trauma and this struggle and this battle, so that my kid doesn't have to fight it when she grows up. 'cause if I don't address it, she's gonna have to fight that battle for me. In herself. She is gonna grow up with disordered eating. She is gonna grow up and not know the difference between healthy food and not healthy food or sometimes food. She is gonna grow up and not know a balance. She is gonna grow up in a toxic world that tells her, you know what, how your body looks is all that matters about you and what you eat is all that matters about you. And it's like if I didn't have an option, in my head, there was no other option. It was like, you know what? If I do it now, then I'll be fine when things are chill. But if I don't, then I'm not gonna be, and then I'm just gonna be back at square one and I'm gonna be confused and not know what to do and I'm gonna have to go back into coaching and I didn't wanna do that.
0:45:00.2 Jared: Yeah.
0:45:00.4 Tia: So, because that's... It's just kind of expensive.
0:45:03.1 Jared: Let me ask you this. And I actually wanna allude to talk about that 'cause you're right, coaching, really high level coaching is always expensive. And again, you had every reason to validate not investing in yourself. Especially the one most people don't talk about is most people 'cause when your self-worth is in the toilet, most people think they aren't worth investing in. You're not worth spending money on. So for you, you were quick to do it. So one, was there hesitation? Number two, why did you do it instead of keep doing this on your own?
0:45:30.3 Tia: Yeah, there was definitely hesitation because I have no other choice but to be extremely financially responsible, since I was 16. And so there was definitely hesitation, but I kind of looked at it and I was like, "You know what? When you think about it, what am I spending money on? Are they... Right now like if I went back, like when I made this decision to buy it, right?" I'm like, I'll go out to eat, I'll go to the bar. And I'm not saying like those are bad things or like villainizing those things.
0:46:12.8 Jared: Sure.
0:46:12.9 Tia: But I'm just saying like, just the different things I spend money on. I'll buy clothes. I'll freaking spend money to like stupid shit. Things that don't matter. Things that aren't like... And they do matter for sometimes. Like you do need to socialize. You do need to like be a part of your culture. And like those things are all important, but they're not any less important than my physical and mental health. Like all of these things should be on a level playing field. In fact, I would argue that your mental health should be on the highest playing field because if that's not right, then nothing else is right. But it was like, I'll spend money on anything else and I'll make excuses to spend money. I think everybody does. I think everybody, you prioritize what you spend money on. And I looked at this and I said, "You know what?" I had it in savings. I had... I was kind of comfortable, whatever. And, but there are other, like, there's options for you can do payments. I didn't wanna do payments 'cause I'm the type of person that I don't like to be in debt. So, [laughter] I was like...
0:47:19.0 Jared: Fair.
0:47:21.1 Tia: But, so I was like, "You know what?" And I knew that if I spent money on it, I was gonna take it seriously.
0:47:30.0 Jared: Yes, yes.
0:47:31.7 Grant: Yeah, exactly.
0:47:32.3 Tia: Because if I didn't then there were like multiple times where I was like, "I don't wanna do this, I don't wanna do this." And I'm like, but I spent a lot of money and then like, it like was my backbone almost 'cause money talks.
0:47:47.8 Jared: Yeah. It hurts if you... This is why when people say how much is coaching? Well one, I never answer that question 'cause it's like asking like, how much is a house? It's like, well, it just depends on how big of a house, what you're dealing with, what you need. And then we have to see if we're even a good fit. But I say enough to make you show up for yourself, enough, just enough to be painful. If I charged, let me ask you this. If I charged $10 for this, would you have shown up the way you did?
0:48:10.0 Tia: Probably not. No.
0:48:11.4 Jared: No. Like this is why most people will fuck off to my free content.
0:48:15.1 Tia: Yeah, I was gonna say...
0:48:15.8 Jared: Because...
0:48:16.1 Tia: I was gonna say you literally had free content and I knew you had free content.
0:48:22.0 Jared: Yeah.
0:48:22.1 Tia: And I like saw your free content. [laughter] That's all I did.
0:48:26.9 Jared: This is... Right. This is why like when I mentor and help other coaches who feel bad about charging what they're worth, the way I teach is, and this is not just a making money thing, I say the most serving thing you can do for that client is charge them because now they're gonna take it more seriously. Because I swear to God, if you weren't like, "Fuck, I'm not gonna waste that money," you would not have taken it seriously.
0:48:50.9 Tia: Yeah.
0:48:51.1 Jared: Like you said, it was the backbone when those days were rough and you wanted to quit, you already paid in full.
0:48:55.3 Tia: Yeah.
0:48:55.7 Jared: So you're like, "Fuck, I'm not wasting that money. I'm like halfway into this, I'm getting my money's worth." And then lo and behold, out of Grant's own mouth, who's been the... He's, out of all my coaches, he's been here the longest. He has the most seniority and he has a major leadership role in the business. So he's sees a lot of stuff and has a lot of years under his belt. And he says s"he's literally milked the most out of coaching, I think of almost anyone we've ever worked with." And like that's, it's 'cause you're...
0:49:24.2 Tia: I didn't know. I didn't know that. [laughter]
0:49:26.3 Jared: Yeah. I knew you didn't. But this is... But that's why this is so important. This is why I wanted you to come onto the show and talk about this is because there's no way I can impress upon people what you just explained. You know what I mean? Because I haven't been through it. There's a lot of people who think they're... I'm not trying to compare traumas or compare hardships, but there's a lot of people who've gone through a fraction of what you've gone through and they go, "Oh, I'm not meant for this. Oh, I don't have what it takes. My life is hard." And again, I'm not trying to compare traumas or hard lives, but it's hard for someone who's like, "Oh my... Oh, I'm busy with my job than to hear you go... " My whole childhood I was abused in more ways than you can fathom. I had a kid when I was 16 and I still went to college. I still had a job and I had... My worth was in the toilet. I did... My fiance got deployed.
[laughter]
0:50:11.9 Jared: Like, fuck. Like how can someone say, "Oh, I can't do it now." When you just basically metaphorically whipped your dick out...
[laughter]
0:50:21.4 Jared: And said, "Hey, I did it motherfuckers."
0:50:24.3 Tia: Yeah. Damn.
0:50:25.8 Jared: You know what I'm saying?
0:50:26.6 Tia: Yeah. When you like throw it out like that, I don't think I always realize like how much I've gone through. That's kind of wild.
0:50:33.4 Jared: And here's the thing is you can use it to serve yourself and others. Like the fact that you're able to use your story that's literally impacting 100s of 1000s of people, that are gonna be listening to this and they're gonna go, "Oh shit." Because here's, think of it this way. Like the only reason you changed your situation is 'cause you heard Stephanie's episode. And then there are gonna be people who listen to yours and gonna go, whether they sign up for coaching or just change their life, whatever, that's irrelevant, is they're gonna go, "If Tia can do all that, I'm fucking bitching about nothing." And they're gonna change the course of their family tree. You know what I mean? Grant, why, I know we're already like 45 minutes in, this is so good. But why do... From your perspective, why has she been so successful 'cause you've been the one in the trenches with her? So, from your perspective would be great.
0:51:16.8 Grant: Yeah. Well, and you already kind of said it too, where you took things to heart... Well, I mean, there's a number of things. Like Number one, I think that you really found your footing in the struggle. I think that that's why you were so successful. It wasn't something that you shied away from. It was something that you kind of took as a challenge and you really met it head on, but you really did the work. You were open, you were consistent, and you really, really did this stuff. I mean, obviously we did countless things, but to go back to the identity work, because I agree with you, I think that that's probably one of the things that shifted you to find self love, self worth. And I think once you found that and established that, I think that's when a lot of things started to change. But you did the work. I tell so many people, and to everyone listening, do that. Figure out your identity and make sure what you say, think and do all fall in line with that.
0:52:11.6 Grant: And if they don't correct for it, and it's the little things like that. Like I said, we could spend five, six hours here talking about all the stuff that we did throughout coaching, but to kind of say why you were so successful, it's because you had a willingness to learn. You had a willingness to unlearn, and you really did the work. No matter how uncomfortable, no matter how difficult, no matter how much you didn't want to, you never shied away from that, and you always did it. And without a doubt, I think that that's why you were so successful in all this.
0:52:44.9 Tia: Well, and it was uncomfortable.
0:52:47.3 Grant: Yes.
0:52:50.0 Tia: The inner child work that kicked my ass.
0:52:52.0 Jared: It's gross. Yeah.
0:52:53.9 Tia: Grant was like, we need to do some inner child work. And I was like, I don't know what that means. And then he told it to me and it was like, oh my God, how many issues do I have right now? Because I haven't healed my inner child. And I had heard you talk about that, Jared, and I was like, I've already healed my inner child. I've already gone to therapy. I've already done all this stuff. No, no, I did not.
0:53:20.1 Jared: It's also different in the world of weight loss too. Most people, this is why I will never ever say what we do is a replacement for therapy. And I fully understand for those that question it, we absolutely stay in our own lane. But with that being said, there's a reason therapists are in the programme. There's a reason. Four days ago, I was on the phone with a PhD in psychology who couldn't get her shit together because there's an untapped area. I fully believe when it is clouded by weight loss, we'll see people who will get away from weight loss and go work with a therapist or go work with a food freedom coach, and they'll get good. Then they come back to the thing that fucking triggers them, which is weight loss. And it's like they had a run in with their ex-boyfriend and they're like... We have to fix it in the same container.
0:54:06.3 Jared: This is why I could give you more therapists that we work with. If we didn't keep everyone's names a secret. I could tell you more therapists than most people would care to admit. And this is not a bad thing. This is an amazing thing. This shows people who are coachable and ready to change their situation is they know all that stuff, but with weight loss, it clouds it because it started when they were nine when mom took them to Weight Watchers. Well That means we need to address it there. And it's different when it's clouded by weight loss.
0:54:31.2 Tia: Yeah. Well, and then it's been crazy to see how that has... How like inner child work has changed other aspects of my life, which is something Grant and I talk about. So much of what I have learned through this programme has flooded into other areas of my life. And when I'm over here and I'm struggling with perfectionism, because when I was a kid, if I didn't hit something perfect, I was beat or screamed at or whatever the case was, then it's like in my relationship when I mess up or I don't do something right, I'm like, oh my God, my relationship's over. And then I have this stressor, and then I have this stressor in my relationship and I have this stressor in my health and I have this stressor in my weight loss. And I'm like, and it all just goes back to this one little girl who was small and felt like she had no control over the world. And Grant had me write letters to her.
0:55:32.5 Tia: And giving her permission to feel the way she needed to feel and react the way she needed to react and apologize to her and let her... And that was something that I do in my head. Now, if I catch myself doing something that I know stems from me being my inner child and who I was when I was a kid, and the things that happened to me, the one thing a lot is I talk too much. That was the thing that was thrown at me all the time. I ask too many questions. I talk too much. I'm so annoying. Those things and those pop in my head every now and then, even right now. Even right now, I know I've been talking a lot and I'm like, oh shit, I'm talking a lot. But then I have to tell myself.
0:56:19.5 Jared: It's the... The point is for you two. And I'm grateful. No, no. Please hear me when I say this. Me and everyone listening is so grateful you are because we want to hear you. That's The thing is, we want to hear you. That's the difference.
0:56:34.4 Tia: I appreciate it.
0:56:35.0 Jared: You know what I mean?
0:56:35.4 Tia: Yeah.
0:56:36.3 Jared: Like you, it's a whole, I got made fun of the same way. It was always, oh, "you know Jared's here when he won't shut the fuck up." So, I resonate with that. But we want to hear you. Your voice wants to be heard now.
0:56:48.0 Tia: And I had to, so like, I started telling myself, like, I'll talk to my inner child in my head, which is a little, it might be a little weird, but you know, like people that don't understand inner child work might be like, wait, you talked to yourself in your head.
0:57:01.1 Jared: They're broken. The people who think it's weird are fucking broken.
0:57:04.6 Tia: But, inner child work was uncomfortable and I had to address a lot that I didn't realize I was still hurting. And it's over, like I said, it's overflown into other things. Like, I just picked up playing electric guitar, which was something my dad used to do, my biological dad, and I wanted to learn my whole life. And he was supposed to teach me. And I was like, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. Because I was avoiding it and because my inner child hadn't healed and because so many things. And, Grant was like, well, not, he didn't know about the guitar thing like that, that was all connected. But, when we were talking about my inner child, it was like, that work is what, why I'm not holding myself back anymore from things that I wanna try in life, but then also, like, from taking care of myself and showing up for myself and all those things.
0:58:00.6 Tia: And like, but that was the most uncomfortable, that was the shit that I sat there and wrote and bawled my eyes out. That was the shit that I sat there and I sat there and I had to think about like, all these horrible things that I went through as a kid. And I was like, oh my God. Like that poor baby. Like that was so horrible. Why did you have to go through that? And had to relive it and had to think about it and had to address it. And it sucked. And I told Grant a couple times, I was like, this sucks. This fucking sucks. And you're kind of an asshole. No, I'm just kidding. But there was times where I was kind of pissed off at Grant, but that's where the trust came in.
0:58:39.6 Jared: Good.
0:58:40.4 Tia: I was pissed off at Grant, but I trusted him and I was like, you know what? Okay, fine.
0:58:43.7 Grant: Well, and I'm definitely glad that you did. Yeah. I mean, I always preface that with everyone that, most of the, the real progress is made when we're the most uncomfortable, when we're the most open. And that was one thing that I really appreciated that, that you did is, you would, for example, like in doing some of the things I would suggest you would find like, oh, hey, you know what? I never even thought about this, but this is probably something that I would need to work on. And then, you would bring that to the table and then we'd work on that and then you might find something else and we'd work on that. So, it was just, amazing across the board just how willing you were to do all of the things and how open you were with all those things.
0:59:21.6 Tia: Yeah.
0:59:21.7 Jared: One of the things that I wanted to tag on the back end of that is this is also, and this is to toot Grant's Horn and the rest of my staff's horn as well, is, this is also a sign of a really good coach. A lot of people think a coach is a yes man, is a hype man. The sign of a really good coach. 'Cause you're literally bringing this third party into your life to fuck some shit up is because you can't get it figured out on your own. 'cause I'll be real if someone can figure it out on their own They don't need a coach. If they are successful, they don't need a coach. If they are, know what to do and successfully do it, they don't need a coach. So if things aren't going well, that's when you need a coach.
0:59:58.6 Jared: And you're literally signing up for uncomfortableness. You're literally signing up for someone to say, your actions are not in line with your ambition. Oh, I want you to do this thing you've been avoiding because it sucks and it's gonna be really uncomfortable and I'm gonna hold you to it with love and compassion. And, a lot of times, like that's the thing I tell people with coaching is wearing the hat of a coach is one of the most rewarding and hard jobs anyone can ever have is because it's the most rewarding ever. Because of situation's exactly like this. But it's also one of the hardest because we're one of the only people in your life that is signing up to have really uncomfortable conversations with you.
1:00:36.2 Tia: Yeah. And I tried really hard to be very honest with Grant. Like if I was dealing with shit in my life, I told him and I told him details and I said, this is what's going on and this is what I'm dealing with and this is where I'm at. And sometimes I felt like I was oversharing and Grant just kept reminding me like, no, this is how I help you. But like, that wasn't easy too. Like, I don't know, Grant, I've never met Grant, like in person. Like, he's just some stranger that I just like...
[laughter]
1:01:06.8 Tia: That's some dude that's also a stranger on the internet was like, "yo, this could be your coach," and I was like, You know what I mean?
[laughter]
1:01:13.4 Jared: Yeah.
1:01:14.0 Tia: And I was like, all right, well so there's times where I kind of felt bad for Grant. 'Cause like this... I've dealt with some shit and I sent him pages in my emails.
1:01:28.9 Grant: Never feel bad, never feel bad.
1:01:32.5 Tia: But it was...
1:01:33.3 Jared: We want that from all the clients to be honest.
1:01:33.5 Tia: I know that. But it was like, it's heavy. And as your client, I'm like, you're already doing so much for me and here I am giving you my shit. And I know my shit is heavy. My burdens are heavy. My hurt is heavy. My pain, everything I've been through is so heavy. And I always just like, when I was telling Grant and I'm like, oh, but also so this is what I'm dealing with today. But then also that's connected to this super horrible traumatic thing that I went through as a child. And here's the details kind of this situation and how they connect and how do I deal with this? And I'm like, this poor man.
[laughter]
1:02:16.4 Tia: Has to hear these horrible, gruesome things. Honestly, I don't know how you guys don't go crazy. Probably 'cause you journal. That's probably why but.
[laughter]
1:02:24.7 Jared: Journal, therapy, this stuff we preach. So that's amazing.
1:02:27.9 Tia: Right. But then, yeah, I had to... There were times where I felt stupid. Well not stupid, but kind of like a baby. And in a way you kind of are when you don't know, you're in a sense of...
1:02:41.6 Jared: Just vulnerability.
1:02:42.4 Tia: Yeah. I had to tell Grant, hey, like you're saying Grant isn't a yes man. And he's absolutely not. And it was annoying sometimes.
[laughter]
1:02:53.6 Tia: But he was like, you're not journaling or, no, I think I came to you and I said, I'm not journaling. I was like, and I tried to do that. I tried to check myself and be like, Ooh. And reach out about things I had to shove my pride down way far. It's particularly with him and like, I'm not journaling. And he is like, all right, well how about this week? Every single day you let me know once you've journaled. And I was like, shit, I feel like I'm grounded right now.
1:03:23.9 Grant: "You asshole."
[laughter]
1:03:25.1 Tia: Right.
1:03:25.6 Tia: I feel like I'm grounded right now. I got in trouble.
1:03:29.7 Jared: Yeah.
1:03:30.1 Tia: Or there are times where he'd call me out. One of the things I have... Issues I have is people pleasing, which is another reason why I have issues with my fricking body image because I'm trying to people please instead of freaking just loving myself, and part of that's connected to stuff I dealt with as a kid, all that stuff. And I asked Grant, and me and Grant were talking about it and he said, why do your emotions always matter less than everybody else's? And I was like, 'cause then I'm selfish. And he is like, no, you're not. Your emotions are supposed to matter. And when he told me that he set domino effect, in my life and other aspects where I was able to let go of a lot of things and forgive myself and forgive my parents and forgive other people for things because I was like I was allowed to feel those emotions of anger or upset and stuff like that. And then I was like, whoa, I can move on because my emotions matter. And I didn't realize my emotions mattered. That didn't occur to me, that didn't ever sit with me. And like it was always everybody else, everybody else matters more than me and I am here. And Grant was like, no. I was like, Oh. But yeah, he called me out a couple times and I was like, okay. And then there were times where I felt like I was grounded and there were times where I was annoyed with him, but it was all for, like I said, doing shit that's hard is what, like, stuff that's hard is what matters. And so, yeah.
1:05:16.7 Jared: A 100%. Girl, this has been so good. Thank you so much for doing this.
1:05:20.6 Tia: Of course.
1:05:20.6 Jared: This has literally been fantastic.
1:05:22.7 Tia: Of course.
1:05:23.4 Jared: I love it. Grant, thank you again, as always, man. Like I said, this has been so good. I know this is gonna help a lot of people.
1:05:30.2 Tia: I hope so.
1:05:30.4 Jared: Well, it will. It will. I appreciate both of you guys. Thank you again.
1:05:33.3 Grant: Of course.
1:05:35.0 Tia: Thank you.
1:05:35.2 Jared: I'll talk to you guys soon. And we are back, man. I know that was heavy. I know that was some good stuff. I know if you stuck around this long that you may have some watery eyes. You hopefully have some value that you can run with and change your life with. I also want to add on, 'cause I know we were cutting it close on time on that one, but I do want to add on a few things that we didn't even talk about on the other side of all that stuff. Because, you heard Tia's story with all that she's done and how she's this new human now, but this is also on the other side of it.
1:06:05.4 Jared: 'Cause a lot of people will still be curious about like, well, what about the fat loss side of stuff? So not only did Tia do all that inner transformation and become happy and love herself again and all this stuff, but I have a list of the other more physical things that came out on the other side. So for her, she's still like, inches were dropping during all of this. And she kept losing weight. Her hair is healthy now.
1:06:28.4 Jared: I think, if I remember right, she was talking about how like her hair wasn't healthy and it was getting really brittle and all these things. She actually has her hunger signals again. Like I said, she kept losing more body fat and her clothes kept fitting or are now are fitting better. She learned how to intuitively eat through all of this, even though her hunger cues were all off and her emotions were off. Her clothes fit her now. She loves actually eating foods that are more healthy and more nutritious, but she's not afraid to eat the other foods that she can eat in moderation.
1:06:56.5 Jared: She has complete control over. And she's just in general eating so much more. So she's almost doubled her calories while losing weight, losing inches, clothes fitting better and healing and changing her entire life. And that's what I mean by this is the epitome of dieting from the inside out. When you address these issues where they stem from, it is impossible for on the surface to not have everything completely different. And that's what we're about and that's what this is about. So I hope you got a lot out of this.
1:07:29.3 Jared: I hope that you could really take to heart what Tia was saying, what we were teaching and whatnot. And here's the thing. If you resonate with Tia's story and you want to have a transformation like hers and you've gone through some hell and you're like, man, I want this for myself and I'm tired of suffering, I'm tired of struggling, and you want to have a coaching experience like Tia's, you should absolutely apply for coaching. I'll leave a link below because at the end of the day, if we can do this for Tia, we can do this for you. If there's no reason that you cannot be on the other side with your struggles, and that's what we're here to do.
1:08:00.6 Jared: So of course there's no pressure ever, but if you're listening to this and something's like tugging on your heart or your intuition about, man, I just wish I could do that, I just don't know how, then that's what we're here for. 'Cause you shouldn't be the one having to figure it out.
1:08:12.9 Jared: That's what a really good coach is for. So if you wanna see about the possibility of coaching, you wanna apply, then definitely shoot or schedule a slot on our calendar at the link below. There'll be a quick intake form and where you can schedule a call. That way we can even see if this is the right fit, because if it's not the right fit, we have other people we can refer you out to. But otherwise, that's the first line of defense for us is before we can even talk options, we wanna make sure this is the right fit or not. We don't take everyone with a credit card into coaching.
1:08:40.2 Jared: We have to make sure this is the right fit. There are only certain kinds of people we work with and there's a lot of, types of people we don't work with. So that's what you'll need to do. If you want to see about having an experience like Tia's, definitely check that out, fill out the intake form, book a call, and we'll go from there. Otherwise, I really appreciate you being here. Thank you so much for sticking around and for the continued support on the podcast, be sure to check out the other resources that I have in the description.
1:09:04.5 Jared: If you're not part of the Facebook community, if you're not subscribed to the YouTube, if you're not following me on social, if you haven't gone through my free courses, I've got a lot for you because I wanna make sure you're taken care of. So that's it for today's episode. Be sure to leave your review and subscribe. I love you so much. I'll talk to you next time.
[music]
Tia’s Story:
Tia grew up in an abusive household as a child and was a victim of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. Throughout her childhood, the only things she “knew” about herself were negative.
As she got older, Tia had a very distorted body image and remembers wanting to look and feel a certain way.
Then, at the age of 16, Tia became pregnant—which further distorted her body image as she was unprepared to deal with the physical changes pregnancy required.
During her pregnancy, negative comments from kids at school made her mentality around food even worse and Tia subconsciously struggled to eat appropriate amounts while pregnant.
After giving birth, Tia was busy trying to balance work, school, and taking care of her newborn—and food was not a priority. She didn’t know anything about taking care of her body or nutrition.
After going to college, Tia weighed about 109 pounds, but her lack of nutritional knowledge—and busy life as a single mom—led to her gaining 25 lbs.
Fast forward to 2020, Tia was in college and had gotten into fitness, but this is where confusion really set in for Tia. She was over-exercising and undereating—and not losing weight.
During this time, Tia got engaged and her fiancé expressed concern for her because she was frequently not eating and had labels such as “good food,” and “bad food.”
After her fiancé was deployed, Tia moved in with her grandmother—who also expressed concern about her not eating.
Tia’s grandmother pointed out that whenever Tia was going through something, she would stop eating.
After hearing the concerns of her family, Tia did try to start working on herself more—but she still struggled mentally with food and wanting to eat, and just really didn’t know what she was doing or how to eat.
Then, after hearing a previous episode of the podcast with Stephanie Armstrong and Coach Grant (Episode 252), Tia decided to pursue coaching—but with some hesitation.
For Tia, she wasn’t overweight, and she wasn’t sure if dieting from the inside out was something that would work for her.
Where Tia is at Now:
Tia is in a better place than ever before—particularly mentally—but she is still not yet where she wants to be.
When she started coaching, she had an idea about where she believed she wanted to be, and put up some resistance to doing the metal work—particularly journaling.
After a few weeks of Grant insisting that she needed to journal, Tia finally started to put in effort around journaling, and the first great week she had…
…was one where she journaled for all 7 days.
Today, Tia almost feels bad during her check-ins with Grant because she really has nothing to report.
She is doing the inner work, she’s taking care of her mental game, and she’s feeling great.
As a coach, Grant says this is the place they want to get with all of their clients.
Jared emphasizes that the goal is to see the clients graduate from the program and be able to sustain their changes for life.
Some clients need just 6 months, others may take a couple of years—it’s completely individualized to each person and their situation.
Tia is graduating from the coaching program and initially had some nerves about going off on her own, but she realizes that she is ready to transition out of coaching.
What Made The Biggest Difference for Tia:
Tia says, first and foremost, she had to trust Grant.
Her resistance to journaling is a great example.
In the beginning, she didn’t want to journal—and didn’t believe or trust Grant when he said she needed to journal—but when she finally did, everything began to change.
This is when she realized she needed to really trust Grant and follow his guidance.
Secondly, Tia had to trust herself—which was a big hurdle.
Tia hated herself six months ago. She knew how she was supposed to feel and what she was supposed to say about herself—that she loved herself and was a “good person”—but deep down, she didn’t believe it.
When Grant suggested Tia do identity work, and told her that she could decide who she wanted to be, Tia took that to heart and dove into changing her identity.
Previously, Tia struggled to show up for herself because she considered herself a nuisance to the world, but part of her new identity was loving herself. When she had negative thoughts about herself, she would stop and remind herself that she wasn’t that person—and that she needed to stop being mean to herself.
Tia is still changing her identity and is now trying to tackle her perfectionism.
In school, health, being a mom, every area, Tia would beat herself up for being anything less than perfect.
If she got a B on a paper, she would tear herself apart.
She had to stop and define what success and failure meant for herself.
Tia realized that she was extremely busy juggling work, school, being a single mom, planning a wedding—she had to learn that skipping a workout when she needed to or not weighing herself one morning wasn’t a failure.
Why Tia Signed Up For Coaching:
Tia made the leap because she was fed up with herself.
She was completely hurt and broken and she as though she had no other options.
Tia also wanted to get herself in a good place so she could be a good role model for her daughter, who she knew was at risk of learning disordered eating patterns from her.
Even though Tia was extremely busy, she knew that she couldn’t let her daughter grow up in a toxic world and that now was the time—because if she could do this when things were crazy, she could do this when things were calm.
Another hesitation Tia had surrounding coaching: she has had no other option than to be extremely financially responsible since she was 16.
Like anyone, Tia would (and does) spend money on fun or dumb things, and she recognizes that it can be a positive thing to spend money to go out and have fun with friends or to buy yourself something nice—but where you spend your money is a reflection of your priorities and she knew her mental health needed to be a priority.
She also knew that if she made the investment, she would take it seriously.
Tia knew Jared had free content and saw his free content, but spending that money provided her with a backbone any time she wanted to quit coaching along the way.
Why Tia Has Been So Successful:
Grant believes that Tia has been so successful because she really did the work—and found her footing in the struggles.
As Tia stated previously, identity work was key to her success, and ultimately, Tia never shied away from the uncomfortable inner work—she followed through.
Tia notes that so much of what she has learned from throughout the process has carried over into other areas of her life.
Inner child work, especially, has helped her so much in other areas of her life—because she didn’t realize she was still hurting.
Now, the abuse she suffered from as a child is no longer holding her back and the old beliefs she carried are no longer preventing her from trying new things or taking care of herself.
Grant has found that we make the most progress when we are the most uncomfortable.
Through coaching, Tia had to get comfortable being vulnerable and being completely honest with Grant.
Grant would call her out when he needed to and helped her realize that her emotions mattered—which allowed Tia to forgive herself, her parents, and others for the experiences she had as a child.
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