How Doing the Deep Work Fixed Heidi's Relationship with Food (ft. Coach Steven) | DFIO Ep.264
About Today’s Episode:
Welcome back to the show! I have a really great episode for you guys today!
I wanted to show you how deep work really is the key to getting where you want to be. Today, we are going to talk to an amazing woman named Heidi.
Heidi was able to have an amazing transformation around her own goals in just a matter of months. She has been able to eat more calories while losing weight, stop binge eating, and completely free up her mental space around food, the scale, and the fear of gaining weight.
The thing that truly made the difference for Heidi—and helped her transform—wasn’t a special workout or diet hack, it was inner work (like journaling, inner child work, mental reframes, etc.)
I know you guys are going to get a ton out of this one. Let’s get into it!
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Intro & About Today’s Episode
01:58 Sponsors
04:36 About Heidi
09:04 More Success, Less Pressure
12:16 What Made Heidi Take the Leap
14:31 Heidi and Inner Work
20:18 Shifting Her Identity & Dieting From The Inside Out
24:08 Investing in Herself
32:04 Advice From Heidi and Steven
39:30 Outro—Freebies & How to Apply for Coaching
Transcript (click to expand)
DFIO264 Heidi and Coach Steven
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How Doing the Deep Work Fixed Heidi's Relationship with Food (ft. Coach Steven) | DFIO Ep.264
0:00:00.0 Heidi: I just really encourage people to think about embracing the opportunities to grow and to learn and to dive deep into things and to work on themselves because other things start to open up. The less energy I am putting into my thoughts about food and worried about relationship with food or gaining weight back, the more energy that I have to put into other things. That's just a huge gift.
0:00:27.1 Jared Hamilton: What's going on team? Welcome back to a brand new episode of Dieting from the Inside Out. If you're new here, welcome to the show. My name is Jared Hamilton, I'm your host. Got a really, really cool episode ready for you today because I wanted to show you how the deep work is really the solution and the key to getting to where you wanna be, 'cause the cool thing with this episode is you're gonna hear from an amazing lady named Heidi. And here's the cool thing with Heidi, Heidi was able to have such an amazing transformation around her own goals, but also, but specifically things like be able to eat more calories while losing weight, be able to stop binge eating as a whole. That's been going on for years to completely free up the mental space she's had around food and fear around gaining weight, the scale, the whole nine yards in just a matter of months. It's absolutely amazing. But here's the thing, the solution for her wasn't some extra extra thing around weight loss, it wasn't a calorie hack, it wasn't a special kind of workout the entirety around this conversation was around specifics around inner work, like journaling, like identity work, like inner child work, like mental re-frames, and that's the thing is these are the deeper levels and the deeper components that most people forget and they leave out of their program that causes the most amount of change.
0:01:40.4 Jared Hamilton: So you'll definitely wanna stick around for the whole episode. It was really, really good. What's funny is Heidi was actually one of the scholarship winners we've had, so she's actually been working with Coach Steven and she was one of the winners of the scholarship that we had, and she was able to have this giant turnaround mentally and physically, and it's been the coolest thing to watch. Now, before we get into all of that, I did wanna give a big thank you to the sponsors of the show, sponsor number one is... we'll go 1st Phorm first, I was about to my other one, but 1st Phorm—I've got their shirt on as always—and here's the thing, guys, you know that like I talk about it a lot of supplements are not the end all be all, supplements are meant to fill the gaps you are not getting with food, and that's the thing is when it comes to the supplement world in the industry, it can be really shady, it's not regulated by the FDA, anyone can start selling supplements on Amazon or whatever the case is, so you don't always know what you're getting into.
0:02:29.0 Jared Hamilton: And I wanna make sure for those that take supplements that are coming here and getting this information, I want to make sure that you are spending your money in the right places, that you're getting quality and that you're getting safety and accurate labels in the whole nine yards. Because that's the thing is there's a lot of shady companies out there that are in big box stores, like the amount of lawsuits that have been lost from supplements they sell in GNC that they sell inside Vitamin Shoppe, that they sell in Walmart, and it's pretty crazy just because it's so unregulated, so the thing is, the thing I know about 1st Phorm is all of their products have all this extra third party testing to show that they're legitimate, it's not made in someone's basement. And I just wanna make sure you're getting the best stuff, so definitely go check them out, there's a link in the show description, and I really appreciate that. Now, sponsor number two is FlexPro Meals. Excuse me, FlexPro actually just... If you're watching the video, I actually just had one. I had just me some truffle... was it truffle meat loaf?
0:03:28.0 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, truffle meat loaf it was one of my favorites. But anyway, the thing with FlexPro guys is it makes the game even more convenient for fat loss and for the goals that you have, because I know I may not have... I don't have kids, but my schedule is crazy. I travel a lot, things getting unpredictable, I run a company, I have a big team, like the whole nine yards, and I know for you, you probably have a job, you probably have kids, you're probably running from dance practice to soccer games to all this insane amount of stuff, and it makes sometimes it really hard to keep your nutrition in check, this is when people end up in drive throughs a lot, they end up just swinging inside a gas station, it just makes things quite a bit harder and you're gonna spend a lot more money, so having meals in your fridge on deck ready to go that taste amazing, that are made by a chef, that keeps your nutrition in check is a really big deal and it can be so helpful, so definitely check out FlexPro link in the description, or go to flexpromeals.com, but I also wanna save you some more money and you can use the code Hamilton trained and it will save you 20% at check out, which is pretty cool.
0:04:26.6 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, that's it. I will shut up now. Let's get into the episode. I know you're gonna get a lot out of... Get a lot out of this. Be sure and subscribe if you have not already. Otherwise, I will talk to you soon.
0:04:36.5 Jared Hamilton: Cool, well, I'm super stoked to do this, Heidi, once again, thank you for coming on here. I know this is weird, but I really appreciate it.
0:04:43.1 Heidi: Yeah, thanks for the opportunity.
0:04:44.6 Jared Hamilton: Of course, of course. So just to give context, Heidi, give a little bit of kinda like where things were before coaching, just to like what your story was with some of the struggles and things like that.
0:04:55.1 Heidi: Well, to try to take a long history and summarize it, like, I had... I would say poor body image and what I would call it compulsive eating issues, as I started puberty and my body changed that worked into binging and purging in my late teens and early 20s, and then I think... On one hand, my weight never got out of control, I would say, I had times where I had a lot of ups and downs though, and I definitely always felt it was up even when maybe it wasn't as much as I thought it was. So with that, I just... I had the thought that "I have problems with food, I have problems with eating," and that is just always kind of been a part of where I've been and that I more recently got into our really good fitness program, and this was like right before COVID, and it really did help me a lot. But I also found it was more like the boot camp, like really intense work, great community, lots of great stuff going on but it, honestly, it was not sustainable for me at the intensity that it was, injuries would knock me off and it'd be harder to get yourself psyched back up, to get back on it, and then more recently, just stress in general, like the stress of last year of.
0:06:51.0 Heidi: I am a school counselor, so the school, just really knocked me for a loop and some pounds came back on.
0:07:00.9 Heidi: This was really frustrating 'cause I thought I had... I thought I had really made some big progress with it.
0:07:09.5 Jared Hamilton: Fast forward to things... Where things are at now, because you've made such amazing progress in such a short period of time, if you wanna zoom out, so like where are some things that... Where are things at now.
0:07:20.9 Heidi: I am at a lower weight than I honestly ever remember being, and I just turned 54, so.
0:07:30.5 Jared Hamilton: That's amazing.
0:07:30.8 Heidi: I know I've... I'm sure I've been here before, and I did it... the last 7-8 pounds have truly been when I thought I was at maintenance and adding calories back in and adding the protein hugely back in, and while doing that, I'm having some pretty big "ah-ha" moments. When I started my coaching with Steven, it was right around the holidays, as the holiday season was starting, so I had a lot of fear about feeling restricted around the holidays and the... All of that inner work and reframing that Steven helped me do. It's like, "Oh, this isn't restriction, this is just setting myself up for the goals I wanna have," and I still enjoyed the foods I wanted along the way as well.
0:08:39.0 Jared Hamilton: I love that.
0:08:39.6 Heidi: Though that was a huge change for me. And just the identity work kind of like, "Oh wow, I can do more fitness-wise and have a better relationship with food than I ever thought I could."
0:09:03.9 Jared Hamilton: I love that. So for you, it' just feels kind of weird, it's like, "Wait a second, I'm the most successful with the stuff I've ever been, but it's the least pressure around this stuff," like no more binge eating or no more emotional stuff and no more junk. But you're the most successful you've been... Does it feel almost weird?
0:09:22.7 Heidi: Yeah, almost like I'm getting away with something. And not that it's easy because there has been work and attention to things, but then in some ways it has been. So yeah, sometimes I do feel like I'm getting away with something.
0:09:42.8 Jared Hamilton: Steven, what are your thoughts on that? 'cause you've been the one in the trenches with her, what are your thoughts on her story around this before things were out with the craziness and then where are things right now?
0:09:56.6 Steven: I remember pretty vividly that... First meeting Heidi. Her initial goal was like, she's like, she was like at this weight where she was having a hard time figuring out how she was gonna manage that. She had fear around potentially putting on more weight, right? Heidi like you were kind of in this place of like, "I'd really like to stay where I'm at but," I remember you saying, "I don't trust myself...
0:10:19.8 Heidi: Yes. Yeah.
0:10:20.8 Steven: ...Enough to stay here." And so I remember that was kind of the base and I think to me, the biggest transformation has been in your relationship around food and how you've done so much work around, like you said, reframing things, and we've talked through a lot of things, but I think for you it was really diving into the inner work around the relationship with food and around letting go of restriction and so on and so forth, and you've done an amazing job with that, and I would say that's been huge, but just to give context to anyone that listens to this, it's like, we started what we thought was around maintenance, 'cause the goal wasn't really weight loss, and so I remember we took from where your calories were, and we brought them up to about 1700, we were trying to play around with maintenance there.
0:11:09.5 Steven: And the cool thing is, I was looking back on our averages, it's been a little over three months now, and we've actually increased average calories per week by, I think we're almost like the 250 calorie mark, and you've dropped six or seven pounds and gotten leaner, which is just an amazing part of the process. But I can say from day one, I remember meeting Heidi and I remember we hit it off because you were like a self-help junkie, as am I. And so I was like, I knew that day, I was like, "Oh, she's gonna be super successful and take to whatever advice that is kind of laid out and respond well to the questions that I ask," and things like that, so I think it's just been kind of one of those situations where she really took everything and applied it, 'cause like she said, there has been a lot of hard work, but she's put in a lot of work to earn where she's at right now, not just from a body composition stand point, but from getting out of that restriction mindset and establishing a new relationship with food, so.
0:12:15.0 Jared Hamilton: That's huge. So Heidi, I'm curious, 'cause this is one of the biggest areas most people fail is because of... When our history is so much centered around, starving, crazy workouts, food is bad, avoid this, restriction that, the thought of like, "Wait, you want me to eat more calories, eat the foods that I've been scared of for the last 30 years, and then somehow stop binge eating," what made you wrap your head around that? Because most people just don't go from that to that, so for you, what made you go, "Okay, I'm gonna give this a shot."?
0:12:48.6 Heidi: I think just hearing it kind of over and over again and kind of immersing myself in the journaling and the inner work, can I let this be a little bit easier? It was one of the questions I journaled that, like, "would that be okay?"
0:13:13.4 Jared Hamilton: Got it, I love that.
0:13:15.2 Heidi: And just kind of being willing to try, knowing also that I had had success taking pounds off before, if I needed to go back down in calories, that would be okay, that I also knew how to do that. So that a lot of it had... Again, Steven used the word, it's like, "Oh yeah, that self-trust," because I had such a pattern of gaining wait back, so just keeping my word to myself was a big part of it all, and then that helped me trust that even if calories do go up and my weight goes up, I'll be able to adjust that if I need to.
0:14:02.5 Jared Hamilton: Sure, I love that. Well, and that's the thing is a lot of times when people have self-trust or confidence issues, it's the one thing they don't wanna do is the thing that fixes it, it's your actions, like anyone can look at themselves in the mirror and say, "I'm good enough, I'm worthy, I'm confident." But when your actions have a terrible track record, no affirmation is gonna fix that, so you're a professional executor and you went, "You know what, I'm gonna keep my word." And then all of a sudden, everything changed. It's pretty awesome.
0:14:30.2 Heidi: Yeah.
0:14:31.3 Jared Hamilton: Were you ever a little skeptical about some of the inner work, 'cause again, because my thing is, I want people to listen to this and just get hope and really get some perspective of like, "Oh wow, she's just like me, maybe I should do some of the things that she did," and a lot of times people are so in a fat loss hurry they're like, "I just wanna lose right now, wait, why the fuck is Jared talking about journaling and meditating?" That's not even relevant, but for you, it made some of the biggest differences.
0:14:58.1 Heidi: For sure. I was always pretty open to it, the inner work, again, as I said, I've read self-help book after self-help book and kind of embraced that. I'm in the mental health field, so I've always been pretty open to that, and I kinda like, "I'm gonna try it." Like that... The comma journaling and that it really does. It helps to like, "Who do I wanna be?" And getting to some of those specifics.
0:15:33.7 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, for sure. Steven, where did you see it change for her so much like what... From the coach's perspective in her journey, where do you see it really started to shift for her like, "okay, now we're hitting a stride."?
0:15:47.2 Steven: I would say pretty early on, really, I would say probably once we got through... I wouldn't even say Thanksgiving, 'cause I think Christmas was a bit easier for you to navigate, but I think reflecting back, it really is like again, and I don't... Heidi you could probably speak to this better, but I think back and I think about the way that I approached certain things. And so I remember with the restriction, she would be doing these things, processing a lot around her relationship with food, but still at times feel like she may be restricting and I would just ask her, "where is that coming from? Why do you feel like you're restricting?" And as she mentioned earlier, we would kinda dive deeper into "well you're really just making choices that are in alignment with your goals, but you're not restricting yourself from allowing yourself to have the thing and seeing how the thing feels and working that into your calories."
0:16:36.7 Steven: So I think that was huge, getting into that reframe, I think changed a lot in terms of... Not that it changed a lot, but just got more buy-in into the process, and then I remember kind of going through the process of... We had dropped some pounds and it was like, "Oh shit, this might not be your maintenance, we might actually be in a slight deficit." I remember mentioning that to her, and then we kind of played on her other goals of like, "Hey, you have this goal to build muscle, you're getting stronger in the gym or in your workouts." We have actually transitioned her from all home workouts to now she gets in the gym one day a week, and crushes it in the gym. We've gotten a lot stronger. Right? But we kind of looked at that goal of wanting to build muscle and I said, "There comes a time where... You can't build muscle if you're in a deficit, so we need to slowly increase calories," and we just slowly got her comfortable with the idea, so I think the way I kind of would soft land with some of the ideas and start to plant the seed and allow her to process them but.
0:17:34.2 Steven: So I think that helped a lot, but I think, again, the big stride really happened, I think probably within our first four or five weeks of coaching around the relationship with food stuff, so.
0:17:43.7 Jared Hamilton: I love that. Heidi for you? Was it kind of scary adding calories back? Like in... And going up was that I kind of scary?
0:17:52.4 Heidi: It still is. Yeah.
0:17:55.2 Jared Hamilton: Yeah? [laughter]
0:17:55.3 Heidi: Yeah. It is, it is. I do trust because it's been a while now, so I trust the process more. But yeah, but yeah, it still takes a little bit of mental effort.
0:18:11.0 Steven: We talked about it for what... I think two or three weeks before you were like, before you were finally like, okay with it, but I would just continually plant the seed of like, "Hey, we're gonna be okay, and you're gonna need to go into a bit of a maintenance to build more muscle." I think just the way it was framed and then she really was able to process it and get to a point where it's like, "Okay, well, we could always go back down if we need to right?"
0:18:39.2 Heidi: Having some of those reflections back to me, such as, "so that's interesting. Like, tell me more about, you know, feeling restricted" or "tell me more about why you're nervous about that, or why you feel your warm up isn't hard enough," and things like that. Just having those reflections back really helped me to go, "Oh yeah, maybe I should think a little more about what that's all about. There might be something there that it's, I can think of a little bit differently."
0:19:09.0 Jared Hamilton: I love that. Steven... the one thing Steven actually, we were doing a training on this and Steven, one of the things that you actually taught me, I don't think I've ever told you this. One thing you've taught me and that really brought to light that I've never thought about is how important reflection is on thinking. And that and actually this is a case... A beautiful case in point to why it's such an important part, is if we never have a moment of reflection and go, "You know what, wait, why do I feel like this?" And question those things, it's really hard to get out of that. Steven, what are your thoughts on that?
0:19:38.4 Steven: Yeah, I would completely agree. I think what's, well I think on this a lot 'cause I just even sent an email in the last couple days and I think when clients are struggling or have a major issue that they come to me with, I'm sure my clients, some of them are fucking sick of me at some point, 'cause they're probably like, "Oh God, another fucking question?" But at the end of the day, it's like, "Hey, what led you to believe that? Like, why are you feeling that way?" And it's like when you dive deeper, 'cause a lot of times thoughts are just accepted, right? But it's like, "No, let's dive deeper into that narrative and what's going on in the mind so then we can look to reframing it if we need to," so that's why I'm such a huge believer in that.
0:20:18.4 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, that's huge. What's crazy is just in what we've talked about in the last like 20 minutes or so, what's funny is, especially for those listening is like, everyone who, most people who come to this podcast is like, it's because they have some physical goal they're trying to achieve. Like, they wanna lose weight, they wanna feel better, whatever. But this whole time, what we've talked about, the most pivotal things for you, we haven't talked about a special calorie deficit. We haven't talked about magical workouts. We've talked about how shifting your identity, doing inner work, like journaling, perspective shifts, and then reflection has totally changed everything.
0:20:50.1 Heidi: For sure.
0:20:50.2 Jared Hamilton: Which I just think is, it's the epitome, of "outer work without inner work doesn't work." It's the epitome of dieting from the inside out. Would you... so for you though, this deeper stuff is what's made the biggest difference for you?
0:21:04.7 Heidi: For sure. Like, as Steven said at the beginning, my fear was about gaining weight back because I have done that in the past. Like that maintenance, I hadn't had that figured out, I truly I'm feeling that self-trust, that self-efficacy now. And it... I know it's something I need to continue to nurture and keep working on. And I'm not just gonna let it go. It's not like, "Oh, I'm there now." But I'm feeling stronger in that than I ever have. Yeah.
0:21:51.7 Jared Hamilton: I love that. You know, you said something Heidi just now that I think is really, really pivotal. When you said, I can't... It's a work in progress still in that like, you're not just gonna stop. Because the thing is though, people forget that self-efficacy, self-confidence and self-trust, is like any other muscle. It's like any other skillset. If you don't use it, you lose it. It's why like I always say, we brush our teeth every day because we know as soon as we stop brushing our teeth, our oral health will immediately decline. And I think people get to the spot like where you're at, where it's like, "Oh my gosh, I've made all these strides and I've won so many times and I'm doing so well." Then we quit doing the things that got us there, which is really dangerous because then all of a sudden it's like, "Wait, why didn't... Why did I go back to where I started?" But it's one of those things where understanding that to continue the success we have to keep doing the habits that made us successful is so important. So that's huge.
0:22:43.2 Steven: And I think just continually working on your mindset and continuing to reflect, I think it's, there's an old adage that is like among self-help, like, you guys will appreciate what's, it's like, we all know the person that went to therapy once and then are like, "I'm fixed." Like they go to therapy once and then they're convinced that now all their problems are gone. Right? It's like, no, it's like, it's all about the journey, the journey never ends and it's about continuing to do the work and to stay aware, you know? And I think it's the same thing.
0:23:11.3 Jared Hamilton: Heidi, in your past when you struggled a lot, did you... Was the journey just terrible or was this shift recent about like, "Okay, I'm gonna enjoy the process."?
0:23:20.9 Heidi: No, I mean that's pretty recent. I mean, yeah, I've... The journey, it might have been more about like, "gotta really work hard at those workouts." I've done juice fasts, just a lot of negative self-talk, you know, that went with the process.
0:23:53.0 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, no, that's the thing for, especially for those listening, it's one, it goes back to that old saying, "if the journey isn't sustainable, the results won't be." It's your happiness, your enjoyment, your everything during the journey is gonna be an exact reflection of what the destination's gonna look like. So if your journey sucks, well we gotta pump the brakes and fix that because the results are gonna be the exact same way.
0:24:06.9 Heidi: Yeah.
0:24:10.8 Jared Hamilton: Heidi, one thing I like to ask a lot of people on the show is, 'cause this is a big part for people and I always, I mean, are eager to hear people's answers, but this also, I think it hits home for a lot of people when it comes to investing in yourself. I'm curious, before you, like right around the time you signed up for the program, were you hesitant? Because like it's one of those things everyone says they're in it to change themselves until money's involved and then it's like, "Ooh, maybe I'm not so," you know, "Maybe I don't wanna change as bad," you know, 'cause I always say people who pay pay attention, so for you, was there any hesitancy wanting to like actually put like, money down and invest in something like this? And how did you overcome it if there was?
0:24:47.1 Heidi: I was the winner-winner of a scholarship.
0:24:52.1 Jared Hamilton: Oh. That's right. That's right. [laughter], I don't know. I totally space forgot about that.
0:24:55.5 Heidi: Yeah, so it, for me it was more about, because I was at maintenance when I won, I had to do a little mental gymnastics that I can accept this. [laughter] because I feel like "do they really... But do they know? I did tell them that. Right?" [laughter] 'cause like am I the right, you know, person to have this, to be given this opportunity so I kind of felt with my gratitude that like I really... That I need to embrace it because it was such a wonderful [laughter] opportunity.
0:25:40.3 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, for sure. I totally space, I totally forgot you won the full scholarship, but this is a great segue because this, so this makes me wanna ask a different question. So whenever someone invests in coaching and they sign up and that, usually for most people, it's when money gets involved, they're like, "Oh shit, I've gotta take this seriously," because now they have skin in the game. But for you though, why is it... This is, I'm so, actually I'm glad I messed up that question and asked the wrong one because most people will watch my free content and then not take enough action because they have nothing to lose, 'cause "Oh, it's just free content." So for you though, what made you take such abrupt action in this when there isn't skin in the game because you did win? So for you, what made you say, "Oh shit, I'm gonna take this kind of action."
0:26:26.2 Heidi: What I knew I needed more than what I was getting from free content and from trying to do things on my own, and I do think the... Just having a coach and that accountability, that's just my, you know, personality that I'm gonna be accountable if I know there's somebody out there that is, that I'm, is checking in on me, like, you know, answering to, you're not really answering to them, but just having that out there, that's huge.
0:27:06.2 Jared Hamilton: Yeah. No, so for you it was like, you're right 'cause it's not like you're not... Like answering to Steven, but there is that expectation of like, "Okay, I know Steven's gonna be waiting on my check-in. I know I'm supposed to get three workouts in this week, or however many." So for you the accountability piece of having like, whether it be not wanting to let anyone down or the expectation of someone, was a big deal for you.
0:27:29.0 Heidi: The accountability and then along with the gift of the accountability, the reward in that is getting that helpful feedback each week as well.
0:27:36.2 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, totally, I love that.
0:27:40.1 Heidi: I love Mondays, Monday evenings [laughter] when I get to hear the feedback, so.
0:27:46.4 Jared Hamilton: I love that. I love that. I think... Steven, I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. I think that's really the biggest thing most people need is the accountability. Like, yeah, there's times where we need some new information. Like, "Hey, what do I do? Do I add calories? Do I take them away? What tactic do I put in?" But for most people it's the lack of accountability 'cause everyone like still knows what to do but doesn't do it. Everyone knows they should do inner work. Everyone knows they should eat better. Everyone knows they should move more, they... Whatever. But I think for most people the third party accountability of like someone holding your actions to your ambition is one of the biggest things that I think holds most people back. And Steven, like myself, has been coaching for like a decade or so. So Steven, what are your thoughts on that? Just the third party accountability?
0:28:25.8 Steven: Yeah, I mean I think accountability is huge. I think that's the biggest piece of coaching. And then I would also say like, support, you know, I think support when you're, struggling, you know, because even if you're doing well, if you run into a, you know, you have a bad week or whatever, it's like if you don't have that support of someone kind of backing you up being like, hey, you know, one thing that I bring up a lot when a client has a bad week is like, or not a great week, right? It's like, "Hey, there's ups and downs along the journey and we can't let one bad week get to us.
0:28:55.9 Steven: Because we're gonna have a lot more good weeks." Right? So I also think that support in those moments where, 'cause those crisis moments are when a lot of times when clients or just anyone will stop, right? Like, "Oh this isn't working, fuck it, I'm just gonna throw in the towel." You know? But like, I think the combination of knowing they can reach out to their coach, they have the support and then the accountability of that coach is gonna be there for you and is expecting your check-in. I think the combination of those things makes all the difference in the world.
0:29:22.1 Jared Hamilton: Absolutely. Would you agree with that Heidi?
0:29:26.9 Heidi: Oh, for sure. For sure. That just knowing there's somebody out there and it's, it keeps it, 'cause it is a learning process, right? So it just helps you know that you have somebody to help you learn. You're not supposed to have all the answers [laughter] right now. If ever but, [laughter] that's always a big part of it.
0:29:51.0 Jared Hamilton: Yeah. For sure. You know, one thing that we hear a lot, like whenever people are applying for coaching and just in the DMs and stuff there is a question we ask a lot is, well, who do you have supporting you? And I'm not even talking about from a coaching perspective, I'm talking about just general support and most people go, oh, well really no one, like my friends think every time I do a diet they say, oh, I'm on a diet kick again. Or they're, they kind of even sometimes making fun of a lot of times, excuse me, a lot of times, you know, like a a partner like a husband or wife isn't, you know, always supportive or if it's like, "Oh well yeah, you know what? You do need a break, it's fine." Like, or they let them fall off if they're like, you know what, I think I want to quit.
0:30:29.9 Jared Hamilton: And they like, like, you know what, do whatever you want do 'cause it's really hard to hold accountable the person you sleep in bed with as well, you know? So I think most people don't have the support system, don't have the right people in their corner with a delicate balance of empathy and grace and guidance, but also accountability, saying, "No, no, no look, this is what you said you want, it's my role to make sure your actions are in alignment with that," with a level of empathy, I think most people don't have that in general from their partner or their kids or their friend group. And I think that's half of it is because we become like those we associate with, you know?
0:31:06.0 Heidi: For sure. And I think the other part about the coach/trainee relationship is you build up that trust for, you know, to talk about things that, you know, those dark moments or things you know, you might not wanna share with everybody in your life as well. So...
0:31:27.9 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, without a doubt. Without a doubt. That's a such a good point, that's so good. Steven, what do you think about that?
0:31:32.2 Steven: Yeah, I mean I would agree with that. I think, it's actually it's a combination of interesting and sad when you're coaching for a long time and you realize, like you just said, that a lot of people just don't have a lot of support. I mean, or you come to find out that someone doesn't have a supportive spouse, like at all, right? It's like, "Holy shit, that's... I wonder how that relationship goes," you know what I mean? So yeah, I would agree. I would agree with that. I think coaches do hold a space there for sure.
0:32:04.6 Jared Hamilton: Absolutely. Heidi, I'm curious from your perspective, well one of the questions I always like to ask on here, is what would you say to other ladies who are where, who are where you were? Like, 'cause that's the thing is I know, and I know you're still in the process of achieving all your goals, but like, you've also come so far, again, this has been a multi-year struggle with all sorts of crazy stuff and you are so far on the other side of that. What would you say to other ladies who are where you were?
0:32:31.8 Heidi: You know, one of the things I think about is that you're probably closer than you think to finding what you need to make the real progress that you wanna make.
0:32:49.5 Jared Hamilton: I love that.
0:32:49.8 Heidi: So If you just keep going and are willing to like not just be surface-level and learning about, you know, calories and protein and the, you know, strength training and activity, but willing to take it a little bit deeper, you're probably gonna... That's kind of where the magic is.
0:33:12.0 Jared Hamilton: That's huge. Again, I think most people are so hesitant on that because it's like, "But I wanna lose weight now." You know what I mean?
0:33:15.3 Heidi: Yeah.
0:33:17.9 Jared Hamilton: But, it's one of those things too where I feel like staying in that, but I gotta lose weight now. That never changes. Like, you know what I mean? That's just not [laughter] that never ends versus pumping the brakes and saying, "Okay, I'm gonna let weight loss take it's sweet and jolly time and do the inner work that's really gonna get me on this other side of where I want to be."
0:33:38.4 Heidi: And that it really, it feels more empowering when you are able to let go of those like timelines and that... especially if you've been doing those type that timeline game for a long time, [laughter], it's hard to let go of that. But, what I have found is, you know, and it's not, it wasn't any like big push away. It, you know, it was little by little, but it just feels very empowering to let go of that. [laughter]
0:34:16.6 Jared Hamilton: For you was it... So, I'm really glad you brought that up. So in terms of letting go, 'cause that's like one of the hardest things like for someone to do is let go of whatever the timeline, the diet culture, the calorie restriction, the deprivation, whatever, for you was it just so logical it's like, "Wow, I've struggled for X many years so I may as well just let go of it 'cause it's not helping me anyway." Or was there something else that allowed you to let go of that?
0:34:38.3 Heidi: I'm not sure. It almost is like, while I was focusing on these other things, you know, focusing on the wins a lot has helped me to then go all of a sudden, "Oh, I was able to let go of some of those other things 'cause I was kind of too busy, establishing the habits in the practical things, both practical actions and the practical inner work part of it," it kind of allowed some of those other timelines and expectations to fade away.
0:35:26.3 Jared Hamilton: So for you it was just a shift to focus. It's like you were like, "I'm not actively trying to let go of this. I just changed my focus and it just kind of dissipated." That's interesting.
0:35:33.0 Heidi: I think at times there was some of that and I think there were other times where it, you know, became highlighted in processes and then I, you know, journaled on things as well.
0:35:48.0 Jared Hamilton: Steven, what's your thoughts on that for someone that may be listening that's like, "Man, I don't know how to let go of this. I have like, it's like an addiction to timelines an addiction to, restriction all these things." Like how would you, if you were their coach, go about teaching them to let go of some of these areas?
0:36:03.5 Steven: Yeah. Well I think, I'm honestly, I feel like I'm pretty blunt with clients. You know, I think I tell them...
0:36:10.0 Jared Hamilton: My man.
[laughter]
0:36:10.7 Steven: I mean, I honestly, I tell them like, "If you don't get the inner game right and you don't get the mental game right, you're never gonna achieve your goals." And that's just the reality, you know, and it's like we have to emphasize that to clients from day one or otherwise they're not gonna get it. And they think that they can just, you know, it's just a strategies and tactics thing. It's like, no, it's not a strategies and tactics thing. You can't really fit this thing into a box. You have to start looking deeper at who you are, what your identity is, what is your mindset, like, where do we need to make shifts, you know, before you're ever gonna be able to even think about a fucking timeline.
0:36:44.4 Steven: So let's just get down the skills of doing the habits that are the core habits first, and then we can think about that other stuff. So I just really always try to set that precedent. And, you know, the nice thing about the way that we do it is coaching is long term, so we have time to work and I think the way everything is framed, but, you know, one thing that's huge for me that I said even before I came on the team was that I always found that the clients of mine that journaled were always the most successful. And now it's like, I can't even say that, like, that that is more, any more true than, like, what we do in this program is like the clients that journal and buy-in to the inner work are always the ones that are the most successful. Well, that should, you know, kind of be evidence of why they're so successful. Right?
0:37:31.1 Jared Hamilton: Right. Yeah. Like, I always said, "Outer work without inner work doesn't work." You know what I mean? That's so good, that's so good. Any final thoughts? Heidi, I know that that was... that was the last question I had I wanted to ask and, you guys both had an amazing answer. Any final thoughts?
0:37:44.2 Heidi: I just really encourage people to, you know, think about saying yes to themselves, [laughter] and embracing the opportunities to grow and to learn and to, you know, dive deep into things and to work on themselves because, other things start to open up. I don't wanna open up something too huge, but this just came up recently kind of in the coaching questions that, it, the less energy I am putting into my thoughts about food and worried about relationship with food or gaining weight back, the more energy that I have to put into other things. And that's just a huge gift.
0:38:29.9 Jared Hamilton: Oh my gosh, that's so good. You know, whenever... When you say that, the first thing I thought of was, like the texting and driving conversation where it's like you only have a hundred percent focus. So 50% is on your phone, you only have 50% on the road. And for you that's what it sounds like. You know, like if 80% of your thoughts in mental bandwidth are on food and fat burning, fat storing, gaining weight, oh my gosh, you only have 20% to enjoy your life and be present with your partner, or your kids, your life. And now like, now that that's gone, you have like a hundred percent and the better it comes the more you're gonna get. That's amazing.
0:39:02.4 Heidi: Yeah.
0:39:06.0 Jared Hamilton: I think that is a beautiful spot to tie up today's episode. I could not have said that any better. Thank you very much Heidi for doing this. I know it's, I know like you said, it was a little out of your comfort zone and, but I'm telling you I really appreciate you doing this. I know there's, there are thousands of other ladies that are like, "Oh my gosh that hits home." So I appreciate you doing that, Steven, once again, thank you too. I appreciate that, but yeah, we'll talk to you guys soon.
0:39:30.5 Jared Hamilton: And we are back. Thank you once again for tuning in to today's episode of Dieting From The Inside Out. It means a ton to me. Now, before you go, I have a few housekeeping items. Number one, if you're not subscribed to the show, be sure and do that and be sure to do me two favors.
0:39:43.3 Jared Hamilton: One, leave me a review. It would mean a ton to me, and if you don't mind, it would mean the world to me if you shared the show. Here's the truth. If you get a lot out of this, if you keep coming back to the show and you're like, "Man, I like this stuff," don't keep it all to yourself. Don't be selfish, share this with a friend. Post it on your story. Do something that's gonna make what you got value out of to help other people. And that's how we can get this movement to keep going to end a lot of struggle. So that's the one ask that I have. Now, I do have a few things for you in the description of this. So number one, if Heidi's story resonated with you and you're like, "Man, I would really like to get that kind of help, 'cause I've been binge eating too, I've been struggling too, I've been overwhelmed and debilitated by calories and workouts and gaining weight and all this stuff," and you wanna become a client or see, I should say see about the possibility of becoming a client, definitely go to the link below.
0:40:39.2 Jared Hamilton: I have a special, coaching link down in the description because number one, when it comes to coaching, we can only take on so many clients a month. But the people that go to apply for coaching from the podcast, number one, you go to the front of the list, especially if we're like about to, you know, run out of spaces in the month, you go to the front of the line. But then number two, because you're coming from the podcast, if you get accepted into the program, I have a whole lot of free stuff for you just because you came from the show. And it means a ton. And I always like to reward my podcast listeners because it takes a special kind of person to come listen to me talking to a mic for 45 minutes, [laughter] So, I just wanna show my appreciation there.
0:41:11.6 Jared Hamilton: But this way also, if you, when you apply below, this way we get to know you and your situation more because we don't sign up just anyone with a credit card. We have to make sure this is a good fit on both sides and make sure all of your questions are answered so you know what you're getting into and your expectations are on point. But if you're like, "Man, I really resonate with Heidi and I think I want to get a higher level of help and accountability, and have someone in my corner guiding me just like Steven guided Heidi," then definitely apply for coaching below. Now if you're a little bit newer to my content and you're just not quite sure where to get started or things like that, number one, go check out my fat loss mini course. It's called The Fat Loss Checklist.
0:41:45.8 Jared Hamilton: It's in the description as well. This is basically my quick five-day course. It's all through email. That way it's your A-Zs of fat loss and how to basically sustainably lose weight and keep it off. It's a great place to start. If you're not following me on all my other socials, like TikTok and Instagram links are below for that too. And then if you don't have a home base, if you do not have a spot where you can go to get loved on, to get support, to get your questions answered, to be around like-minded people, you'll want to join my Fat Loss Simplified Facebook group. It's a free Facebook group, just answer the questions and add yourself and I'll make sure you get accepted. But so many times, just like, like we were talking about with Heidi is not having support can make or break in most cases, break someone's success with transforming their life.
0:42:21.4 Jared Hamilton: And it's so easy to go through this journey and, you know, and not make sense to your partner, and not make sense to your friends. You don't have anyone that you can like bounce ideas off of or get support and get loved on and things like that. So you'll want to go join my free Facebook group 'cause I do big trainings in there all the time, I have a lot of stuff in there, my whole team's in there and you'll wanna join and I think you'll get a lot out of it and it's totally free. So the link for that is there below as well. I'm trying to think if there's anything else. I think that's about it. Otherwise be sure and subscribe to the channel. This is also on YouTube, so all the interviews and podcast episodes are on the YouTube as well.
0:43:00.7 Jared Hamilton: So if you like to watch your interviews in the shows like this instead of listening to them, you'll want to do that. And last but not least, if you have not checked out the podcast website, I have even more stuff there if you go to dietingfromtheinsideout.com we also not only have like the full, show, the full video there, but we also have the cliff, like the cliff and show notes, for just kind of like a quick recap. But then we also have a full blog of all the shows. So if you would rather just get like the highlights, you'd rather instead of hearing me talk if you'd rather just like skim through this bad boy. We also have the whole podcast episode transcribed into a blog for you. So that way no matter what your preference is, we got you taken care of, but yeah, that's it. I appreciate the fuck out of you. Thank you so much for being here. I love you. I'll talk to you next time.
[music]
About Heidi:
Before coaching, Heidi had a poor body image and suffered from compulsive eating, which eventually led to binge eating and purging in her late teens and early twenties.
Throughout her life, her weight fluctuated. Though it was never out of control, even when her weight was down Heidi always saw herself as being heavier.
These lifelong struggles with weight led Heidi to identify herself as someone who “had problems with food.”
Then, right before Covid, Heidi started a boot camp-style program that she really enjoyed and had a great community, but it was not sustainable for her. The intensity of the program—and nagging injuries—made it difficult for her to maintain.
Falling off of the boot camp-style program and stress from her job led to Heidi, once again, gaining weight.
Now, at the age of 54, Heidi is at a lower weight than she can ever remember being. She has continued to lose weight while adding calories and working towards finding her maintenance.
Heidi’s work with Coach Steven has involved several “ah-ha” moments. She started around the holidays and being able to enjoy foods she loved during that time—without restriction—was among the first of the many “ah-ha’s.”
Identity work has also been greatly impactful for Heidi. She has discovered that she can do more from a fitness perspective and have a better relationship with food than she ever believed possible.
More Success, Less Pressure:
Heidi has had such great success that she almost feels like she is getting away with something.
Coach Steven vividly remembers his first meeting with Heidi. She was at a weight she wanted to maintain, but she “didn’t trust [herself] enough to stay [there].” Through improving her relationship with food—and letting go of restriction—by diving into the inner work, Coach Steven has seen Heidi take some amazing strides.
Steven knew from their first meeting that Heidi would be successful and respond well to the questions he asked. Heidi was already big into self-help and was in a place where she could take and apply the advice that was given to her.
The goal for Heidi, when she started coaching, was not weight loss. When she started working with Steven, her calories were increased to an estimated maintenance level. Over the past 3 or so months, her calories have slowly increased by about 250 calories—all the while dropping 6-7 pounds AND getting leaner.
Heidi has put in a lot of deep work and has earned her weight loss and transformation success.
What Made Heidi Take the Leap:
For Heidi, just hearing over and over again that she could eat the foods she loved and be healthy, along with journaling, made her more comfortable trusting her coach and letting go of her restrictive habits.
Heidi was also able to be more comfortable with trying a new, restriction-free approach because she had previously had success with weight loss, but she wanted to learn how to maintain her weight loss.
She knew that even if calories went up and her weight went up, they could always adjust.
Jared points out that when someone has self-trust issues, often the thing they are most afraid of is what fixes the problem. Heidi has been a professional executor during this process and has worked to keep her word to herself and build that self-trust.
Heidi and Inner Work:
Heidi has always been open to the idea of inner work and journaling. She works in the mental health space and has read many self-help books—so she was very willing to give the inner work approach to weight loss and food a fair try.
She found that thinking about who she wanted to be surrounding this transformation was very impactful.
Coach Steven saw Heidi making strides pretty early on in the process. Getting through Thanksgiving, and then through Christmas, they had many conversations surrounding her relationship with food.
There were times when Heidi struggled with determining whether or not she was restricting, but over time Steven saw her making conscious choices that were in alignment with her goals, but not restricting certain foods.
Working on reframing and learning the difference between restricting/denying yourself foods and making conscious choices was important for Heidi.
Eventually, Heidi had dropped a few pounds and they realized she was actually in a slight deficit. Heidi and Steven decided this would be a good time to work on some of her fitness goals—like getting stronger and building muscle. During this time they slowly increased her calories to help with this goal.
Heidi now goes into the gym once a week in addition to her home workouts.
Coach Steven’s soft approach with increasing calories allowed her time to process the idea of eating more.
The idea of adding calories was—and still is—a little scary for Heidi. Since she has been working with Coach Steven she has slowly gotten more comfortable and she does trust the process, but there is still mental effort needed on her part.
She and Steven talked for 2-3 weeks before they even started to slowly increase her calories.
Heidi found that Steven was very good at asking questions that pushed her to reflect on why she was feeling a certain way about her calories, workouts, etc.
Jared remembers one thing that he learned from Steven was the importance of reflection in thinking and questioning your own feelings.
Steven finds that, oftentimes, thoughts are just accepted. However, diving deeper into the narrative in the mind is essential and allows one to reframe when needed.
Dieting From The Inside Out:
Heidi is feeling stronger in her self-efficacy than ever before. She knows it’s something she needs to continue to nurture, but previously, maintenance was something she could never figure out. Heidi lost and gained weight over and over again in the past, but has much more trust in herself now to maintain her weight.
Jared points out that Heidi has the right mindset about needing to continue to nurture her self-efficacy, self-trust, and confidence. He says that “people forget it’s like a muscle or a skill set—if you don’t use it, you lose it.”
Jared finds that so many times when people find success, they then let go of the habits that got them there.
Steven agrees it’s all about continuing to do the work and staying aware.
Heidi has recently learned to enjoy the process. For a long time, she had really struggled with negative self-talk and had tried crazy diets. This time, however, things have been different and she is now experiencing sustainable success.
Investing in Herself:
Heidi was the winner of a coaching scholarship, so for her investing in herself was more about accepting that she was the right person to be given the opportunity. She felt that she should really embrace the program because she had been given such a wonderful opportunity.
Heidi knew she needed more than what she was getting from free content and what she was doing on her own. Having a coach—and having accountability—was hugely impactful for her.
The reward of getting helpful feedback from her coach was also very motivating for Heidi.
Jared believes that, most often, it’s the accountability that people need more than anything else.
Steven agrees that accountability and support are the biggest pieces of coaching. When a client has a bad week he is very supportive and reminds them that there are a lot more good times ahead in this journey. Steven finds that, quite often, it’s that bad week that causes someone to throw in the towel—but having support along with accountability makes a huge difference for clients.
Jared finds that many people who apply to coaching do not have the support and accountability they need.
Heidi finds that the trust you build with your coach is also huge. The struggles and the dark moments you have that you can share with your coach may not be things you’d want to share with other people in your life.
Steven agrees that a lot of people don’t have the support they need and coaches absolutely need to hold space there.
Advice From Heidi and Steven:
Heidi says that you are probably closer than you think to really finding success. She believes that if you are willing to go deeper than just learning about calories and macronutrients and do the inner work, the journaling, etc., that’s where the magic is.
It feels more empowering, she says, when you let go of those timelines and restrictions.
Heidi was focusing on her wins and found that by focusing on establishing the habits, the actions, and the inner work instead, it allowed her to release her timelines and expectations.
Steven is very honest with his clients and emphasizes that if you don’t get the inner game right, you won't achieve your goals. He has his clients focus on getting the core habits down first.
Steven also finds that the clients that journal and commit to the inner work are often the most successful.
In closing, Heidi encourages people to say yes to themselves and embrace opportunities to learn and grow because other things in life start to open up.
For Heidi, the less energy she puts into her thoughts about food, her relationship with food, and her weight, the more energy she has to put into other areas of her life—which is a huge gift.
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