Dieting From The Inside Out
- Dec 5, 2022

Break Egoic Connections, Address Inner Darkness, & Realize Your Worthiness ft. Kyle Cease | Ep.245

About Today’s Episode:

In today’s episode, I interview someone I have wanted to interview for a very long time, Kyle Cease.

I was actually a little nervous for this one!

Kyle was pivotal in my life about 3-4 years ago when I discovered his content. He is a New York Times Best Selling Author, he has written two books, the first one, I Hope I Screw This Up, and his second book, The Illusion of Money.

On this show and in my coaching we talk about the inner game a lot and it was Kyle's material that gave me the courage to start talking about that when I didn’t know any other coaches doing it at the time.

Kyle’s story really resonated with me because he was a stand-up comedian. He got to the pinnacle of his stand-up career—his dream career—and it started to feel heavy to him, leading him into the world of transformation. Kyle was able to bring together the world of entertainment and transformation.

When I heard his story it gave me the permission I didn’t know I needed to transition my business and my coaching career to where I am now: focusing on the inner game and dieting from the inside out.

This is a very special interview for me, and I know you guys are going to love it!

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Intro

00:31 Sponsors

03:52 About Today’s Episode

09:17 How Jared Discovered Kyle’s Content

13:14 Breaking Away From Our Identities

22:06 How To Start Unpacking

35:12 Unworthiness

49:48 Kyle’s Shift In Perspective

57:02 How to Balance Ambition and Equanimity

01:12:00 Jared's outro and how to sign up for coaching

Transcript (click to expand)

Episode Synopsis:

How Jared Discovered Kyle’s Content:

Jared first learned about Kyle and his viewpoints on transformation through the Ed Mylett Podcast, about three years ago.

At that point, Jared’s fitness and nutrition coaching business had started to feel as though it was weighing him down.

He had, until that point, been more of a traditional fitness coach, and hearing Kyle talk about (and subsequently reading his book), learning about Kyle’s career as a comedian becoming heavy, transformation, and fixing your relationship with yourself gave Jared the inspiration to bring transformation and fixing the inner game into his coaching business.

Kyle congratulates Jared on his success in bringing together the world of fitness coaching and transformation and points out that we are expansive beings who can have many different purposes and careers within one life.

For Kyle, realizing that his childhood dream could—and did—run its course was hugely impactful for him.

Realizing that a thing that you do is not who you are—because we are constantly evolving beings—allows you to let go and make room in your life for really miraculous things.

Breaking Away From Our Identities:

Kyle believes we are not just one linear timeline—that our world has evolved.

In the past, many of us trained ourselves to believe that whatever future we could see is what we had to fulfill, as if we are just on one floor of a building and can only stay on that floor. When in reality, we are truly more like elevators and can go to any floor we want.

In 2020 and 2021, we had what Kyle refers to as a pattern break. The universe forced us to have to go within by taking away our comfort—our comfort in traveling, eating at restaurants, and the ability to look into the future and know what was happening.

People started looking at the external world they used to worship and realized that it was not the truth. We are more in a place of not knowing and being lost. We are losing our knowledge of what we are supposed to do. We are losing our need to control, which is hard, but that surrender is great for our true selves.

People are holding onto their attachments and things that are fake. We have egoic connections based on our childhood experiences—our parent’s egos and darkness.

When we are children, we have to learn to operate around the egos of others and thus develop our own egos—which are characters, not who we really are—so when we lose those attachments, it's painful but we are actually moving toward love.

How To Start Unpacking:

Kyle believes that many people get a glimpse that their world is an illusion, but they try to put the illusion back up.

When you have those moments where you realize that you’re held and loved as is, it’s not based on what you do or who you’re with or what you accomplish—you have to ask yourself how do I live in that truth?

In 2015, Kyle started listening to silence for two hours every day, for 100 days. He posted videos about it on YouTube. When an egoic need—like to check social media—came up, he resisted, and in the process, discovered things that he thought he was, but wasn’t.

When you find darkness, you have to be present for it because that darkness is where you are under the illusion that you are not loved and not needed. That darkness, however, is a pathway to realizing that you are just love.

An example Kyle uses is an empath who gets into relationships with needy people—perhaps someone who just sits around and smokes all day—so the empath has to support them. That is fulfilling the empath’s egoic need to be needed. But if they allow themselves to let go of those relationships, they allow for that need to be needed to come up and leave.

Kyle believes that if you can understand the truth that you are just this moment and find the happiness in the now, then you are fulfilled in the now.

People often have to go through many hurdles to get to the point where they realize they need to let go and that their happiness is now, not on the other side of some goal.

Jared went through his own process of learning to let go with his ambition.

He had a strong desire to achieve because he felt unworthy. He would set monetary goals, achieve them, and be dissatisfied. He kept feeling like he needed to do more. But after finding Kyle’s books, he realized he needed to unpack those feelings of unworthiness.

Kyle points out that many achievers in the world are in cages, they are just making those cages out of gold. And while it is hard to come from a world lacking, it is also hard to come from a world of abundance.

Kyle uses the example of child stars who become suicidal. He believes that we need to let go of the idea that our worth comes from anything that we cannot take with us when we die.

Money and other things we have attachment-based relationships to are examples of things that we can not take with us when we die—and thus, things we should not draw our worth from.

Kyle states that he is on this planet with the purpose of knowing what he is and that he will let go of anything that is not in line with who he is. He has found that the more he gives those things up, the more he gets results.

Unworthiness:

Jared once had a therapist ask him why he was scared to feel worthy and his response was that he was afraid he would quit wanting his achievements.

Once again, Kyle’s content helped him shift this view.

In one-on-one sessions, Kyle likes to allow people to feel unworthy and to fail. He has people say, “I am allowed to feel unworthy and to fail in my body.”

He does this because people often don’t realize the pattern surrounding them. They have to have the job, the relationship, etc., to avoid feeling unworthy because—unconsciously—unworthiness and failure equals death.

He uses the example of someone who was bullied and builds a successful business to prove their worthiness to those bullies—but when they heal the unworthiness, no longer care for the business they built.

Things don’t have to be this way. You can embrace unworthiness, love unworthiness, and become the now.

Kyle says that the pattern wants to be heard by you, but our unconscious assumption is that the pattern is heard when other people hear it—causing us to become nothing more than egos screaming at each other because we feel unseen.

People then believe that they can only free their pain when their opposition—their mom, ex, whoever—gets what they were saying. But if you start to listen deeper, that heals it.

Once you begin to listen, you will stop talking from the small, unprotected self, and when you speak, it will be what you’re hearing.

One of the most profound things Jared heard from Kyle was, “what if there’s no such thing as unworthiness?”

For Jared, he was trying to build a successful business to earn worthiness—and for many of his clients and followers, they want to lose weight to earn worthiness.

When Jared first heard this idea—of whether or not unworthiness was real—it made him question if his whole life was a lie.

Kyle’s answer to the question “is my whole life a lie” is “yes, and that’s fine.”

He says you don’t have to get mad about your past because you did the best you could with what you knew.

Kyle has noticed that often when people have breakthroughs, they give themselves a hard time—questioning why they didn’t know something earlier—and end up missing out on the breakthrough.

Kyle hears from clients that they are worried they are not enough. When he hears this, he likes to go into their ego and ask the ego “what is enough?”

There is never an answer because when you investigate ego, you learn that there is really nothing there.

Kyle compares it to the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland. There is a part of the ride where you round a corner and a mist spray comes out making it look like there are rats. As you go through the mist, however, the rats dissolve away.

He then says to imagine that the cart stops before you go through the rats and breaks down for forty years.

You convince yourself that the rats are real.

You go to a therapist about the rats, talk to your friends about the rats, you’re scared of the rats, but have never investigated them to find out that the rats are actually a lie.

Then, when someone comes along and fixes the cart, you start heading toward these rats you think are real—but turn out to be nothing but mist.

The only lie comes from you not taking the time to investigate it.

The ego is the same.

Ego brings up things you aren’t investigating and calcifies them as true. When you meditate and listen more, it turns into mist and is shown to be a lie.

Jared has experienced the dissolution of ego, personally, when he was first digging into Kyle’s content.

At the time, the more success Jared had, the worse he felt.

He decided to sit down and write a list of the reasons he was unworthy, but could not think of one logical thing for said list.

He then looked at it from the other side and decided to list the reason he was worthy, and immediately thought of many reasons.

This exercise led him to his first breakthrough and is an exercise he uses with his clients who struggle with the idea that they are worthy of happiness.

Kyle says that a speaker he loves named Bashar says you’re worthy because you exist.

Kyle believes we are 100% worthy now and he knows many people who have trained themselves to have a lot of guilt, and have the reaction that “he doesn’t know their story,” will hear that, but he wants those out there to know that they are not moving themselves or others forward by holding that guilt.

He says guilt is created by humans as a way to keep them in their small self and not expand into the infinite power that they are.

Kyle’s Shift In Perspective:

Before Covid hit, Kyle was in a place where he was getting ready to go on tour. He wanted to merge with his soul no matter the cost, and then Covid hit.

He was forced to go within—and do it all at home—when he never had a connection to being home since he had been touring for so many years.

He began to have a shift in perspective and concern himself with being present and being there for his daughter.

It has been a challenge for Kyle to be present instead of in constant search of high vibration.

It has always been easy for Kyle to walk on stage, but that is not where the ultimate him is at the moment.

Kyle states that we can’t just be in denial about our darkness with positive thinking, we have to be present for the darkness too.

He points out that we try to avoid our own darkness by hating the other side. This is very evident in politics with Democrats and Republicans. Each side believes themselves to be high vibe and the other to be low vibe, but we are just trying to avoid our own darkness by hating things we think are dark in others.

Up until 2019, Kyle was living in higher vibration, higher vibration, higher vibration, but he was doing that to avoid his own darkness—which he didn’t realize until he healed the things inside.

How to Balance Ambition and Equanimity:

Kyle is more and more wiring himself to know himself and listen to his heart and soul.

His ambitions now are more centered around how much he can listen to the now and how much he can resist looking at his phone, etc.

He recently had an experience where he woke up at 2 am wanting to look at the stats of a video of his that was doing inexplicably well, but instead, he decided not to and questioned, “who is the me that wants to see that result, and why does he think that result is good?”

He then decided to just lay there and listen.

Kyle has noticed that on the other side of letting go is a world that achieves more than the ego can and more than the ego’s ambition.

Kyle does still let himself chase things from time to time, but he always finds that listening is more satisfying than chasing.

If you can listen and let go of egoic fixing you’ll be rewarded—but you can’t do it for the rewards, you have to do it to let the universe know that you trust it.

Kyle believes that saying you’re “going to make it happen,” is a small self that doesn’t trust in God and the Universe, that is trying to dictate circumstances so it doesn’t get hurt.

Again, to Kyle, the ambition more and more is in the surrender and the now.