About Today’s Episode:
Today is going to be a very different episode than usual, BUT, this episode could seriously help you change your life if you really take in what I’m saying and go have some deep, reflective conversations with yourself.
I know some of you might have a hard time with this episode because I really get into the inner work today.
The idea for this episode came about because I, personally, have been battling some not-so-nice inner dialogue lately.
Yes, I also struggle with the same things as you guys—and I have been doing my own inner work to deal with it.
So today, I am going to share the 6 reflective questions I ask myself during these difficult times to help quiet the negative talk and get out of my own head.
TIMESTAMPS:
04:11 Our Sponsors
12:12 Who am I?
13:58 Why Do I Deserve to Win?
30:08 Recap
Transcript (Click to expand)
Preface—I've been in my head a bit more than usual lately:
We all get in our own head. This is especially true when we are trying to change and grow, if we are trying to improve our lives, etc. Resistance is necessary for change.
Lately, I have noticed that I have been in my own head more than is normal.
The good news is that I no longer get completely derailed by this. Old Jared used to self-sabotage when going through these ups and downs, but now I can have these thoughts and shitty inner dialogue and know it’s not true.
So, yes, we need to sit and hold space for these emotions—but we also have to do the work around them.
You need to ask yourself the right questions so your brain can go to work.
You can’t just ask, “Why am I fat?” Because your brain will respond with something like, “Because you’re a degenerate pig.”
It’s a dumb question that gets a dumb answer.
Ask the right questions, questions like, “How can I enjoy this with my life not sucking?”
The quality of the answers you're receiving comes down to the quality of the questions you're asking yourself.
I have 6 questions that help me gain clarity—which I am going to share with you.
BUT, before you dive into these questions, you need to be pretty emotionally stable.
You want to be neutral and not rushed.
Do some journaling, sit in silence, and hold space for your emotions beforehand.
Once you’ve done that, we can dive into the questions.
Who am I?:
In my case, I literally wrote, “Who is Jared Hamilton?”
Now, most of you confuse who you are with what you do.
It’s not, “I’m a mom,” “I’m a nurse,” or “I’m a person in the trenches.”
Those are things that you do.
You’re putting your identity around an action, so when you stop doing that action you’re going to sabotage.
You need to build that foundation.
If you don’t know who you are then how will you ever reach your goals?
Why Do I Deserve to Win?:
When you’re mentally struggling and going through some shit you’ll feel unworthy and like you don’t deserve to win.
You need to literally sit down and—on paper—write it out.
I’m assuming most of you wake up with the intention to do good. You’re a great parent, a great friend, spouse, whatever.
You may not feel like you deserve to win, but that’s an emotion and it's not true.
Write down the data. Zoom out, remove your bias—why do you deserve to win?
What Beliefs Would Serve Me Right Now?:
The more we go through these, the deeper they get.
Here's the thing, when you’re struggling and at the point where you need to go through these questions, your beliefs are starting to shift.
You may be wondering if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Ask yourself what beliefs would serve you right now.
You may not actually believe them yet, but these are the beliefs you need to adopt.
What beliefs would serve you?
How about the belief that things will get better, “I’ll figure this out,” “I’m already ahead of schedule,” or “I’m worthy of winning”?
What beliefs—in your dark moment right now—would serve you?
You need to figure out what beliefs will serve you first and then you can go about finding evidence to support those beliefs.
What Emotions Would Serve Me Right Now To Experience?:
Your quality of life comes down to the emotions you experience most consistently.
Yes, as various emotions arise we need to honor and hold space for them. Before getting into these questions you should have already done that.
Now, you’ve probably been experiencing some not-so-nice emotions—and now we need to find out what emotions would serve you.
For me, the first thing I thought of was peace—because I haven’t been experiencing much peace lately.
Now, here’s the cool thing, you can let yourself feel emotions and experience them in the absence of the thing that you're waiting for.
If I called you and said I was going to give you a million dollars, you would immediately feel abundance, despite the money not being in your account.
You can feel whatever emotions you want to. We think we need this thing to happen first—like it’s a gatekeeper to our emotions—but that’s not true.
What emotion is it for you? It's probably the antithesis of whatever you're feeling right now.
You can turn those emotions on any time you want. You can always find evidence to support those emotions.
What Would the You in Ten Years Say to You Now?:
This is the version of you that has done and accomplished all the things that you want to do—this version of you is living the life you want to live.
So what advice would that version of you give to you right now?
For me, it was, “You’ve got to stop worrying so much.”
Now, you’re not going to get immediate answers. You’ll have to sit in silence and listen.
I know a lot of you don’t like doing that, but if you do, the advice will come.
You have to shut off your limited thinking of, “That’s not practical and would never happen in real life,” because if you do this, chances are that the you in 10 years has some really wise advice to give.
Assuming you accomplish everything that you want in ten years, and you have the mental capacity and bandwidth, what advice would that version of you give to you right now?
What would 80-Year-Old You Say to You Right Now?:
This one is my favorite question. I got the most amount of clarity with this one.
What would the 80 or 90-year-old version of you say to you right now? What advice would they give?
The person who has your best interest at heart is you at 80 or 90 years old—it’s you on your deathbed.
They have accomplished everything you want to do, they have been there every step of the way.
What would they say to you?
What would 80-year-old Jared say to 31-year-old Jared—who is probably overthinking things and getting fucked up in his own thoughts?
I close my eyes, get into a meditative state, and let me tell you, I really got some clarity with this question.
It was also crazy how different the advice was from the Jared in 10 years.
I don’t want to influence you guys, so I’m not going to share too much of what I got, but something that I got from 80-year-old Jared was, “You worry too much,” which is so true.
If I’m not careful I become a professional “what-if-er.”
It’s something I’ve had to work very hard on.
Another was, “You need to trust me and detach from outcomes,” and that one really hit home.
To Recap:
Question 1: Who am I?
Question 2: Why Do I Deserve to Win?
Question 3: What Beliefs Would Serve Me Right Now?
Question 4: What Emotions Would Serve Me Right Now To Experience?
Question 5: What Would the You in Ten Years Say to You Now?
Question 6: What Would 80-Year-Old You Say to You Right Now?
I know some of you may think I’m totally off my rocker, but this has helped me a lot and it's been a massive help for the people that I've shared this with.
I hope that these questions will be helpful for all of you, as well!
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