6 Questions to Bring You Clarity When You're Struggling (& get you out of your own head) | Ep.270
About Today’s Episode:
Today is going to be a very different episode than usual, BUT, this episode could seriously help you change your life if you really take in what I’m saying and go have some deep, reflective conversations with yourself.
I know some of you might have a hard time with this episode because I really get into the inner work today.
The idea for this episode came about because I, personally, have been battling some not-so-nice inner dialogue lately.
Yes, I also struggle with the same things as you guys—and I have been doing my own inner work to deal with it.
So today, I am going to share the 6 reflective questions I ask myself during these difficult times to help quiet the negative talk and get out of my own head.
04:11 Our Sponsors
12:12 Who am I?
13:58 Why Do I Deserve to Win?
Transcript (Click to expand)
6 Questions to Bring You Clarity When You're Struggling (& get you out of your own head) | DFIO Ep.270
0:00:00.1 Jared Hamilton: Why do you deserve to win? When you're going through some shit and struggling, mentally struggling, your subconscious is finding reasons for you not to win. You'll feel unworthy. You'll feel undeserving. You feel like, "Oh, I'm sliding backwards, I'm losing momentum." "Oh, maybe I shouldn't win." You need to write down the data. You may not feel like you deserve to win, but that's an emotion that's not true. Zoom out, remove your bias. On paper, why do you deserve to win?
0:00:27.3 Jared Hamilton: What's going on friends? Welcome back to a brand new episode of Dieting From The Inside Out. Because we all know outer work without inner work just doesn't work. And today's episode is a seriously deep step deeper. So a lot of inner work on this one. Because here's the truth, this is a very different episode. What's gonna happen is... Let me just preface it this way, half of you listening to this are either going to go Holy shit, and take what I'm about to say to heart and go change your life and have some deep reflective conversations with yourself, but then there's the other half that you're gonna be like, Jared, you're even more of a weird quack than I thought. I don't know what you're on, but that's a little bit out in hunky-dory land.
0:01:07.9 Jared Hamilton: Well, here's the thing, I don't care which camp you fall into, I just wanna help you, but I can say if you're struggling and you're also the one that thinks this is all airy fairy, hunky-dory camp, then that's probably why. Because I don't even know... Right now, I don't even know what we're gonna call this episode because I don't know quite how to formulate what's in my head into words enough where we're to put a sexy title and a hook, and all of that. But I'm just gonna tell you, kinda give you an idea of where this came from.
0:01:35.7 Jared Hamilton: I made a post the other day. And that's what we're gonna get into on the today's show. I made a post the other day on my story, and then in my Facebook group, and I basically, personally, lately have been fighting some very not so nice inner dialogue. We all have inner dialogue, and we all have these thoughts that come to us that are not so serving, they're not accurate, but it's like this inner dialogue that's just not so great. And I think it's only fair that you know I go through these times too, it's not just like I'm all happy, pumped up, ambitious, go kill shit every day. To be honest with you, when I'm about to have my big breakthroughs, it's when I'm fighting the hardest against the other self, if we wanna call it that. It is why sabotage happens. I'm no different than you, which means when I go to my next level, I have a... It's a old saying, with every new level, comes a new devil, it's no different.
0:02:22.4 Jared Hamilton: So I wanna show you what I... The prompt I made the other day is I was doing this own inner work myself, and I wasn't even gonna post about it on social media, but I thought it would help someone, so I made the post about what I'm thinking. I'll get into it here in a minute, with some of the struggles that I've been facing and some of the things... 'cause basically, here's what I posted. I said, "I've been fighting some heavier hitting inner dialogue lately that's not so serving to say the least," which only means I'm in uncharted territory and about to hit new levels. If you want, I'll share my six questions I use in deep reflection to help break through times like this. I've never talked about this stuff before by the way. These are things that I've learned from people like Tony Robbins, Ed Mylett, Kyle Cease, Alex Hormozi. It's just stuff that I've picked up from all these big guys that I look up to and came out with this list of six reflective questions that really helps get my head out of my own ass.
0:03:15.4 Jared Hamilton: So to say the least and to really get deeper with stuff and to get a lot of clarity during really not so great times or during times where my own brain and head space is, I feel like it's fighting myself. We all have that inner dialogue of like, Oh, you're not good enough. What are you doing? You're not gonna make it. Those kind of things. So that's what these six questions are, and I made that post and I put it on my story. Like with the question box, I said, "Would you wanna see it? I'll only do this if enough people want it." And I had one of the highest engagements of one of my stories I've had in such a long time, then I even threw it in my Facebook group, same prompt. And everyone's like, Dear God, I wanna see it. So because this is deeper, because it's really personal, because it's this kind of stuff, I figured it would do most justice in helping the most if I did it on a podcast episode. So that's what we're talking about today. Long-winded kind of intro. But I just think it's important that you understand.
0:04:11.4 Jared Hamilton: So before we get into all six of those questions and why it matters so much, big thank you to the sponsors of the show. Sponsor number one is FlexPro Meals, because it's one of those things where they keep me fed. I would say that the easiest way to my heart is feed me and tell me I'm pretty, but I'm just kidding. But anyway, FlexPro, the biggest thing with FlexPro, why I love them so much is on top of their food tasting amazing, it's dialed into numbers where I know where the calories are, protein, the macros, all that stuff, but the biggest thing is it's convenient. I have... My day is all over the place. It's crazy, I travel a lot. I have meetings on meetings on meetings and calls get booked and re-booked and like, Oh shit, I have this thing, all this kind of stuff. I'm sure your life is. Well, a lot of times I can cloud the space when it comes to making food choices convenient and helpful. So having FlexPro in my fridge at all the time, always on deck so I can just grab a meal and get back to work essentially, is really helpful, 'cause they're made by a chef, they taste great.
0:05:03.6 Jared Hamilton: They taste better than most fast food I'll have, except for Wendy's chicken nuggets, because a Wendy's 10 piece just slaps different, but that's a different conversation. So if you're into that kind of thing and want food that is in line for your goals, that's really convenient, that's no more expensive or anything than what you're spending in a drive-through, then go check out flexpromeals.com or hit the link below, but if you use my code HamiltonTrained, it will save you 20% of the check out, which is pretty legit. Then we have our next sponsor 1st Phorm. As always, I have on one of their shirts, you can't really read this one as well, but anyway, 1st Phorm is a game changer in the world of supplements guys, because at the end of the day, I say it on every show, supplements are not the end all be all. They are not, but if you are not getting everything you need from food, then you might consider it because there's a reason you should be eating lots of fruits and vegetables every day because of like our nutrients and vitamins, there's a reason you should be eating enough protein to make fat loss easier and to recover more and have muscle definition and all that stuff.
0:06:00.3 Jared Hamilton: There's a reason you should be having omega-3s every day because for inflammation and stuff like this. That's with so many areas with nutrition. But the problem is, if you're not getting that much fruit though, that many plants, that much protein, that many omegas, whatever, that's just a couple of examples. Then we might consider supplements because if you're not gonna get it from food, you need to supplement and fill those holes because it's affecting your results long term, but not all supplements are created equal, not all supplement companies are created equal.
0:06:27.4 Jared Hamilton: Most people just hop online, go to Amazon, find the cheapest one that tastes the least shitty and they run with it, but then it's no wonder their stomach hurts or they get bloated or it doesn't taste good, then all of a sudden their adherence drops, or all of a sudden they... Whatever, it's a problem. So 1st Phorm fixes all of that, it's some of the best supports you can buy, they're tested, they're tried and true, they're established the whole nine yards. So if that's your cup of tea, definitely go check out the link in the description or wherever it's at, where you're watching this. It does support me and I appreciate that, and I don't take it lightly, so thank you for your support on that front, but yeah, that's it for the sponsor stuff. Let's get into the nitty-gritty of these six questions.
0:07:05.8 Jared Hamilton: Also subscribe, by the way, don't just listen to this and take all of the value and then don't subscribe and don't tell your friends and all this stuff. My one ask is share this, please share the show, if you get value out of it. I pour tons of time, tons of energy and tons of money, tons of bandwidth into this show, and it quite literally changes thousands and thousands of lives. So my one ask in return to return the favor is just share the show. I'm not trying to put this on a private platform and charge for it, nothing like that. All I ask is that you share the show, if you get a value out of it, screenshot it, put it on your story, tell a friend, like, "Yo, this helped me, I know you're going through some shit. You should probably listen to this." That's my one ask.
0:07:47.7 Jared Hamilton: So now let's get into the six questions. So to preface this a little bit more than I alluded to already is lately I've been feeling like I've been just in my own head more than normal. There's no way to avoid it. We all go through areas like this, especially if you have really big, deep, ambitious goals and you're trying to make this huge impact and do some crazy shit, change your family, change your life, stretch yourself, whatever it may be, you're gonna go through some shit. You can't avoid it. In Steven Pressfield's book, The War of Art, a great book, by the way. He talks about resistance is always required. Well, here's the thing. It's easy to get stuck in your own head. It's why sabotage is so dangerous. So for a little while now, I have been noticing getting stuck in my head a little bit more than normal.
0:08:33.5 Jared Hamilton: Now, the cool thing is, this doesn't derail me anymore, old Jared would have been totally fucked up, down and sideways with this and sabotage everything, but for me, I can have these thoughts that come through my head and this like shitty inner dialogue that just pops up without believing it to be true. If I feel like I'm not gonna make it, I know that's not true. It doesn't mean I'm not gonna make it. If I feel unworthy or not good enough, I know that's not true. I may feel it, I hold space for it, I honor those thoughts, but I know it's not true. You might feel like a fat cow, but that doesn't make you a fat cow. But here's the thing is too often, yes, we need to sit and hold space with these emotions, but we have to also do the work around them in question in the right way. Your brain is the biggest super computer ever, and so much of the quality of your life and the answers you're receiving come down to the quality of the questions you're asking. Your brain's a super computer, you ask dumb questions, you're gonna get dumb answers, I think I heard this first from either Tony Robbins or Ed Mylett where you go, "Well, why am I fat?"
0:09:36.2 Jared Hamilton: And your brain goes, "'cause you're a fucking degenerate pig." That's just what... You asked a dumb question, you're gonna get a dumb answer from your brain, it just goes straight to that. But if you ask the question, "How can I enjoy this with my life not sucking?" Your brain goes to work to find answers. I don't know if you caught that, but I just hit myself in the head, I snap my finger and my thumb literally like went, bonk, right in my eye. I've never done that before. But we're gonna keep rolling. [laughter] Anyway, this is the big thing though. The quality of the answers you're receiving comes down to the quality of the questions you're asking yourself, because when you ask your brain a question, you ask a question in general, a space gets opened up in your brain psychologically and your brain goes to work, and a lot of times, unconsciously finding a solution and an answer for it. It's why you'll be stumped and you'll get inspiration in the shower or on your way to work or during your workout, it'll just be like, boom.
0:10:30.6 Jared Hamilton: So we can manipulate this to get a lot of great problems solved. So for me, when I was doing, I was sitting in front of my fire pit the other night, it was a really nice night, I'm just like... But in my own head, I feel like something is... I'm struggling with some stuff, my own internal dialogue is, I'm struggling to keep it straight because it's just... I feel like this other self is just fighting me. Okay. I swear, half you guys are gonna think I'm bipolar, but I swear I'm not. But I have these six questions, and by the end of my hour, hour and 15, however long it was, I felt so much better and so much clarity around this.
0:11:05.6 Jared Hamilton: So I wanna share with you some of these six questions, so I'll just go through these. Question number one, Who am I? Actually, wait now, let me take a step back. Before you dive into these questions with yourself, you need to... Before I dove into these, I know I gave you the first one away, before you dive into these questions, you need to be pretty emotionally stable, as in before I got into this, I sat in silence and held space for whatever came up. I wasn't triggered, I wasn't emotionally all over the place, I was pretty neutral, but I knew I had some of these struggles coming through, but I wasn't reactive.
0:11:42.8 Jared Hamilton: Do not sit down into these questions when you're reactive and like, oh my gosh, fight or flight, whatever. Do some normal brain dump and meditation stuff. I'm pretty sure I did some brain dumping when I was doing that before I got into this, because you wanna be pretty neutral when you're going through these and not rushed and not distracted. So I was outside in front of my fire pit with a fire going after I already sat in silence, after I already journaled my feelings and thoughts. Now I'm at a pretty neutral place. Okay? Let's get to these questions. So here's when I got into it. Question number one, Who am I? In my case, I'm like, I literally wrote, Who is Jared Hamilton? Here's the problem, most of you watching or listening to this confuse who you are with what you do.
0:12:25.2 Jared Hamilton: As in when I say, if I actually, I kind of opened up these questions to the tribe a week or two ago, our member only client-only group, and I said... I held everyone. I said, Hey, tell me in the comment section. Here's question number one, Who am I? Who are you? Not a single person got it right. They're like, I'm a mom, I'm a person who cares a lot, I'm someone in the trenches working, I'm a nurse, whatever. Those are great. The problem is, those are all things you do. It's not, Who are you? So my question is, Who are you? But don't tell me what you do. Most people have no idea who they actually are. Otherwise, that's when they're like, Well, I'm a mom. No, that's a hat you put, that's a hat you wear. That's something you do, you mom, you don't mom me. You mom your kids, but your mom is your identity, so that's something you do. What else?
0:13:13.6 Jared Hamilton: And most people don't even know who they are. And then it's no wonder if you don't know who you are, how can someone fulfill or you even reach the things that you want? Who you are is the foundation of everything, so if you don't have that foundation, then we got a problem. So question number one is, Who am I? Who are you? Okay? Only you can decide that. Only you can answer that, but half of your problems or your getting confused, you are what you do. Like when I mentioned it in the client-only group, some people were like, I'm a person in the trenches, I'm struggling, I'm a person doing the work. Well, cool. Well, now your identity is around an action, so when you stop doing that action you're gonna sabotage. Big, big issue. Okay?
0:13:58.2 Jared Hamilton: Moving on, question number two, Why do I deserve to win? 'Cause here's the problem when you're going through some shit and struggling, mentally struggling, your subconscious is finding reasons for you not to win. You'll feel unworthy, you'll feel undeserving, you feel like, Oh, I'm sliding backwards, I'm losing momentum. Oh, maybe I shouldn't win. So question number two is, Why do you deserve to win? On paper. You guys should literally when you do this, write this down, get a notebook when you're doing this, Why do I deserve to win? So you, Why do you deserve to win? I can tell you there are so many things, like I'm assuming you wake up with the intent to do good, you don't wake up and steal credit cards, you wake up with the intent to do good, you do your best, you love people, you're a great whatever, you're a great parent, you're a great spouse, you're a great friend, whatever. You need to write down the data, you may not feel like you deserve to win, but that's an emotion. That's not true.
0:14:57.1 Jared Hamilton: Again, you might feel like a lost cause, but you would never tell anyone they are a lost cause. So why do you deserve to win? Zoom out. Remove the emotion. Remove your bias. On paper, Why do you deserve to win? That's one of the best things you can do right now. I know the reason you're doing this listen, it's 'cause shit's going on, Zoom out, remove your bias and answer all these questions. So why do I deserve to win? Answer that one.
0:15:24.8 Jared Hamilton: Next, number three. This is where it gets real, it starts to get deeper. The more we go through these, the deeper it gets. Number three is What beliefs would serve me right now? 'Cause here's the thing, when you're at this point where you're needing to go through these six questions and you're struggling, your beliefs are starting to shift, you believe you may not make it. You're starting to believe it may not be worth it, you're starting to wonder if there's a light at the end of the tunnel, you're wondering, maybe I should... Maybe I'm not meant for this. That's a big problem. What...
0:15:54.7 Jared Hamilton: I don't care if you believe them at all right now, my question is what beliefs would serve you right now? I don't care if it's complete delusion, you need to adopt the beliefs that will actually serve you 'cause right about now you're probably, excuse me, feeling like these beliefs that don't serve you. So what beliefs would serve you? I don't care if you don't believe them yet. What beliefs would serve you? How about things will get better? How about the belief of, I'll figure this out? How about the belief of, I'm already ahead of schedule? How about the belief of no, I'm good enough to win. I deserve to win. I'm worthy of winning. How about the belief of people are looking up to me? How about the belief of, man, this is gonna be a crazy-ass story at the end? Whatever it may be, I don't wanna give you too many answers because I don't want me to bias your stuff, I want you to come to your own conclusions, but what beliefs in your dark moment right now would serve you?
0:16:46.6 Jared Hamilton: You have to ask yourself that, because then once you like, Okay, that belief would serve me, but I don't believe it. Cool, we can work on it now. Now you can go, Well, what evidence would base that to be true? And then we can attack this a million different ways, but if you don't even know what beliefs would serve you right now, fuck, no wonder you're struggling. Your old self, your lizard brain is going to go find all the things that don't serve you and tie beliefs and attachment in evidence to those. So then my question is, What beliefs would serve you right now? Okay.
0:17:18.5 Jared Hamilton: Next, question 1, 2, 3, 4. What emotions would serve me right now to experience? This is a Ed Mylett and Tony Robbins's one. The quality of your life comes down to the quality of the emotions that you experience most consistently, okay? But if you're in this little dark place, it's because you've been feeling... You've probably been feeling some things that aren't so great. And again, don't get me wrong, yes, we need to hold space for our emotions, yes, we need to honor what comes up and not suppress it. Okay, this is, I'm assuming you've done all that, now what we need to look at doing is going well, what emotions would serve me? You know what came to my mind first when I wrote this one down for me? It was peace.
0:17:56.7 Jared Hamilton: 'Cause that tells me I haven't been feeling peace lately. So for me, I'm like, what emotions would serve me right now? Peace. I go, wow, that feels really good. 'Cause here's the cool thing, you can actually let yourself feel emotions and experience them in the absence of the thing that you're waiting on happening. If all of a sudden I called you and said, I'm gonna give you a million dollars right now. You would feel immediate abundance, but I never gave you money yet, the money is not in your account yet, you would feel immediate abundance. Or as soon as you hit like let's say your work like what they call tenure where you can't get fired or whatever, you would immediately feel certainty and security, but what if you, I don't know, did something really bad, like blew up the school or some shit. They would probably take that away. So you don't actually technically have it or let's say they're like, Oh sorry, we sent it to the wrong person or actually, your dates are a little bit different, so you don't actually have tenure yet, then all of a sudden that certainty and security would be zapped from you. So you can experience any emotion you want.
0:18:55.0 Jared Hamilton: You just have it in your head that you have to have a thing happen first, you have to have this gatekeeper or whatever. So my question is objectively, What emotions would serve you to feel right now? Is it peace? Is it joy? Is it gratitude? Is it abundance? Is it certainty? Is it hope? Is it security? Is it this sense of knowing? Is it... What is it? Is it happiness? What is it for you? It's probably the antagonist of whatever you're feeling right now, if you're feeling uncertainty, you're like, I'd love to feel certainty, if you're feeling anxiety, you're like, I'd love to feel peace. If you're feeling sadness, you're like, I'd love to feel joy or happiness. So what emotions would serve you to feel? Well, guess what, you can turn that on any time you want. You can find things now to validate feeling those emotions. Okay? Let's go a layer deeper. One, two, three, four, five.
0:19:50.1 Jared Hamilton: Alright. Now is where we get kind of crazy. This is where some of you guys are gonna go, Holy shit, you're weird. But it's fine. Question number five, What would the you in 10 years say to you now, what advice would they give? So let me set the frame. I could... Let's say, if I could put you in a room with you in 10 years. So if you're 30, that's the 40-year-old you. If you're 31 like me, that's the 41-year-old Jared. If you're 60, that's a 70-year-old you. Well, here's the thing, that version of you has done everything that you have wanted to do, that version of you has accomplished all the things, that version of you is living the life that you wanted to live. Well, you're not there yet, and you're in your own head with this fucked up thoughts, whatever. So my question is, if you really got quiet and in a meditative state, my question is, What advice would you in 10 years give to you right now? Is it that... One of my first was, you gotta stop worrying so much, you gotta stop worrying so much. I was like, Oh, I needed that, 'cause here's the thing, for me I don't know if this is everyone.
0:20:56.5 Jared Hamilton: I can separate that. Well, that's what that person in my life like me in 10 years would give to me. A lot of times people go, Jared, well that's just your own bias advice. It very well may be, but here's the thing in my head I'm able to separate, at least I think I can separate things that I'm struggling with, and what Jared in 10 years would say to me advice-wise. Like, Oh, man, you gotta quit letting people steal your energy. Like uh. It's almost like this sense of what you know deep down, but for me it helped me bring it out when I... I'm telling you guys, I would literally close my eyes and I was on the across from my square fire pit, and I would literally envision me in 10 years across giving me advice, like, What would he say to me right now?
0:21:42.6 Jared Hamilton: Now, here's the thing though, you're not gonna get immediate answers, you're gonna have to sit in silence for a while. I would go, What advice would Jared in 10 years give to me? And I would sit and close my eyes and just breathe and listen. A lot of you guys don't like doing this in general, but this is why it sucks and it gets hard, but then all of a sudden these things would come and I'm like, Oh, you should stop worrying so much. And it'll be something like, Oh, I'm trying to think about the other one. I have it all written down. Again, I don't wanna give too much away 'cause I don't want this to interfere with you doing this work. But chances are you in 10 years has some really wise advice they would give you right now.
0:22:18.2 Jared Hamilton: So if you can shut off your oh, it's not practical, that wouldn't happen in real life. Oh, there's no way that can happen. Shut that shit off. That's limited thinking that's keeping you stuck and unhappy. What would you in 10 years say to you right now, it's almost like if I said, my grandfather is... He's dead, but if you said, What do you think your grandpa would say to you right now? There's stuff I know my grandpa would say. He would say I cuss too much. My grandpa would also say, "Hey, life gets really fast the older that you get." I'm like, "Oh yeah, I should probably be more present." We all know that with other people, well, what... Assuming you accomplish everything that you want in 10 years and you have the mental capacity and bandwidth then, what advice would that version of you give to you right now? You probably should take that advice or at least listen to it. Okay?
0:23:05.3 Jared Hamilton: Now that's the question number five. Question number six is my favorite question, and it's the one I got the most amount of clarity on, it's the one I got the most amount of the emotion that I wanted, the beliefs that I was really needing help with. So now, I'm 31 right now at the time of filming this and writing that, okay? The question I said is, What would 80-year-old Jared say to Jared now, what advice would he give? So for you, I would say, What would the 80 or 90-year-old version of you getting close to their deathbed say to you right now struggling?
0:23:45.8 Jared Hamilton: Here's the thing, whenever I think of the 80-year-old Jared, I think... 'cause here's the thing, the truth is, I stole this from Alex Hormozi. The person who has your best interest at heart truly is yourself 80 to 85 years from now, literally on your deathbed, their deathbed, whatever. The person who has your greatest... I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. The person who has your best interest truly at heart is yourself at 80 or 90 years old. So here's the thing, yourself, this is the way that I'm viewing it. Myself, 80 or 90 years old has seen everything, has been there with me the entire time, 'cause it's me, they have that deep old man wisdom, they have the life experience and they've accomplished every mother fucking thing I've set out to do.
0:24:39.0 Jared Hamilton: So I'm thinking, What would 80 or 90-year-old Jared say to 31-year-old Jared who's probably overthinking things, who's probably in his own head, who's getting fucked up on weird... Like his own thoughts? Man, I got some fucking clarity on this one. I had an entire page of things, I literally envisioned this 80-year-old stoic, really wise old man. I'm not saying that I'm this wise stoic person, I'm not saying that, but I have a feeling Jared at 80 or 90 years old has some really cool shit to... Will have some really cool shit to share and to say, okay. So I just... So I got into that meditative state and I'm like breathing, my eyes are closed, and I just go, What would 80-year-old Jared say to me right now? I'm in my own head, I'm doing my own little version, I'm struggling with some stuff, my own thoughts aren't so serving, these beliefs that are coming in aren't very helpful, and I'm in my own head about shit.
0:25:37.0 Jared Hamilton: So what would 80-year-old Jared say? Here's what's crazy is how different the answers I got from Jared in 10 years to 80-year-old Jared. Holy shit. They were different. And I got some really cool stuff. I don't wanna share too much because one, it's really fucking personal. And number two is, I don't want this to interfere... I'm trying to pull it up while I'm talking right now. I don't want this to interfere with some of the stuff that you're working through. I don't want my version to do cloud your version. So where did I put those? Let's see. Where are they?
0:26:27.0 Jared Hamilton: I have one of those, it's called a reMarkable. It's basically like this... Think of like a... It's basically like a digital notebook that's pretty cool. So, okay, I can't find them right now, and I'm not gonna take... I'm not gonna take the next fucking five minutes just letting you guys listen to me just scrolling through on this thing. I thought they were right here. Maybe they're this one. I'm gonna look real quick, and then if I can't find it, we'll just keep going. Here they are. So a few of the ones from my 80-year-old self that I got was, You worry too much. And I would absolutely believe that. My brain is nine times... If I'm not careful, goes straight to all of the worst case scenarios and the what ifs. I am a professional what-ifer if I'm not careful.
0:27:24.9 Jared Hamilton: I've worked very hard to not be debilitated by it, but I could... It's something I learned from when I was little. So it's one of those things where that's what he would say... I feel like he would say is, you worry way too much. This was a big one. You need to trust me and de-attach from outcomes. Like wow, that one hit home. When he says... When I was thinking trust, because it's this weird thing of it, in a weird universe. So I'm sitting across the table from my 80-year-old self, like Time Machine vibes, and he's like, "You need to trust me and just quit relying on outcomes." I'm like, "Oh wow, that's a good point."
0:28:00.3 Jared Hamilton: 'Cause here's my thing, guys, I'm not gonna go into any more of that right now, I don't wanna cloud your stuff. I just kinda give you a context a little bit, is we talk about it in content a lot, like inner child work. I go, What would you do if you could go back and sit in a room with your 13-year-old self, what would you say? And you're like, "I would have so much. I would be so helpful." So my thought is, Why can't I do that already? Why can't I bring my 80-year-old self here in my own head, myself in 10 years in my own head and get that information that I would have needed? Here's the thing, so we got a lot of psychologists and therapists that listen to the show, so y'all may think I'm crazy. If you do just... Or if I'm on to something, or if I'm totally off the rocker, message me.
0:28:42.4 Jared Hamilton: But I just can tell you that this has helped me a lot, and the people have shared this with, has helped them a lot, and I don't claim to know everything and I don't... This is just a little bit different. So that's why I wanted to come on here and talk about it and share a little bit more context around some of this stuff. But that was my thought is we can do some crazy inner child work with going back and doing inner child work around us now, present day, back in writing to your 13-year-old self, or going back and doing a visualization of what you would say to your 13-year-old self. Well, my thing is, Why can't I do that now with the issues I have now? Why can't I go in my head metaphorically bring the wise, accomplished Jared in 80 years to me now and have a conversation? And at least get a perspective. So I can tell you, I may be crazy. It's fine, it helps. I got a lot of peace, I got a lot of certainty, and I got a lot of really good advice. I got some really good advice that I'm like, Huh, I'd never thought of that until right now, or you know what, I had this feeling in the deep down that that was an issue.
0:29:47.1 Jared Hamilton: I should stop worrying so much or I should let go of outcomes and just trust that I'm a powerful motherfucker that can accomplish some really cool stuff and just believe that it's all gonna work out. Whatever it may be. So for me, this has been really helpful. So I don't know if it'll be helpful for you, but I just thought this would be a really good time to come and share to however many hundreds or thousands of you that will listen to this over the course of time, so that's it. Those are the six questions. A little recap. How am I? That's number one. Number two is, Why do I deserve to win? Number three is, What beliefs would serve me right now? Number four is, What emotions would serve me right now? Number five is, What would Jared in 10 years say to the Jared now, what advice would he give? And then question 10 is, What would the 80-year-old Jared say to Jared right now? What advice would he give? So you can ask yourself those same questions.
0:30:39.8 Jared Hamilton: So like I said, I know it's weird, I know it's deep. But you know what? So is fucking life, but I have a feeling this is gonna help a few people. Some of you guys may just think this is just like holy weird and holy out in the middle of nowhere, but that's fine, that's fine. But I just thought a lot of you guys wanted to hear what these were, and whenever I talk about this kind of stuff, this deeper weird stuff, a lot of you guys give me some really good feedback and that it seems to be really helpful. So hopefully this was one of those times too. So I appreciate you being here, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Dieting From The Inside Out. A few things before you go.
0:31:12.6 Jared Hamilton: Number one is, if you aren't quite sure where to get started with all this just fitness nutrition and sustainable weight loss, and you aren't quite sure where to go, just go through my free course, just start there. It's in the link below, it's an email course, it's five days, it's completely for free, it'll change your life and make the weight loss so much easier for you. Next, if you are not part of my Facebook group where you don't have a home base, you feel alone, you feel lost, you're like your husband doesn't get it, your kids think you're crazy, doesn't care, your friends get jealous and insecure when you start losing weight and you're just like, I'm alone, come join my Facebook group. We have a lot of really amazing people in there and it'll be really helpful. A lot of the issues that we struggle with will go away by the wayside as soon as you get dropped into the right group of people, and I wanted to have a place like that that's completely free, you can go to to get loved on, to get the support and to get help and to get around that group of people, so you should go join my Facebook community, it's called Fat Loss Simplified, I'll leave a link below too. What else?
0:32:05.7 Jared Hamilton: Oh, and if you are really struggling with this and you're tired of trying to do this on your own and you just hate the back and forth and how expensive the mental bandwidth is of trying to figure this out on your own, 'cause I don't know, but you may be very well, have been trying to battle this for the longest time on your own, and you're just sick of doing this, 'cause if you've got 5, 10, 20, 30 years under your belt of struggle and failure, it's no wonder from a psychological standpoint, you drift that way every time you do better. So this is why we have to undo all of that. So if you're in those shoes and would like some one-on-one help, we do have coaching slots open, so apply for... If that's something you're even remotely interested in, apply for coaching below. Because you are coming from the podcast, you do go to the straight of the front of the line, because there's a special place in my heart for my podcast listeners.
0:32:53.3 Jared Hamilton: If you're willing to listen to me talk about this kind of crazy shit, I got you. [chuckle] So there's a link below to get booked on our calendar, that way we can double check and interview you and to see if... Make sure you're qualified and that we even think we can help you because we only work with those we know we can help. And then assuming that you pass all those, you check all those boxes, then we can go over options from there. But otherwise, that is it. Thank you so much for tuning in. Leave a review and be sure to subscribe to the show. I love you, I appreciate the fuck out of you. We will talk to you next time.
Preface—I've been in my head a bit more than usual lately:
We all get in our own head. This is especially true when we are trying to change and grow, if we are trying to improve our lives, etc. Resistance is necessary for change.
Lately, I have noticed that I have been in my own head more than is normal.
The good news is that I no longer get completely derailed by this. Old Jared used to self-sabotage when going through these ups and downs, but now I can have these thoughts and shitty inner dialogue and know it’s not true.
So, yes, we need to sit and hold space for these emotions—but we also have to do the work around them.
You need to ask yourself the right questions so your brain can go to work.
You can’t just ask, “Why am I fat?” Because your brain will respond with something like, “Because you’re a degenerate pig.”
It’s a dumb question that gets a dumb answer.
Ask the right questions, questions like, “How can I enjoy this with my life not sucking?”
The quality of the answers you're receiving comes down to the quality of the questions you're asking yourself.
I have 6 questions that help me gain clarity—which I am going to share with you.
BUT, before you dive into these questions, you need to be pretty emotionally stable.
You want to be neutral and not rushed.
Do some journaling, sit in silence, and hold space for your emotions beforehand.
Once you’ve done that, we can dive into the questions.
Who am I?:
In my case, I literally wrote, “Who is Jared Hamilton?”
Now, most of you confuse who you are with what you do.
It’s not, “I’m a mom,” “I’m a nurse,” or “I’m a person in the trenches.”
Those are things that you do.
You’re putting your identity around an action, so when you stop doing that action you’re going to sabotage.
You need to build that foundation.
If you don’t know who you are then how will you ever reach your goals?
Why Do I Deserve to Win?:
When you’re mentally struggling and going through some shit you’ll feel unworthy and like you don’t deserve to win.
You need to literally sit down and—on paper—write it out.
I’m assuming most of you wake up with the intention to do good. You’re a great parent, a great friend, spouse, whatever.
You may not feel like you deserve to win, but that’s an emotion and it's not true.
Write down the data. Zoom out, remove your bias—why do you deserve to win?
What Beliefs Would Serve Me Right Now?:
The more we go through these, the deeper they get.
Here's the thing, when you’re struggling and at the point where you need to go through these questions, your beliefs are starting to shift.
You may be wondering if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Ask yourself what beliefs would serve you right now.
You may not actually believe them yet, but these are the beliefs you need to adopt.
What beliefs would serve you?
How about the belief that things will get better, “I’ll figure this out,” “I’m already ahead of schedule,” or “I’m worthy of winning”?
What beliefs—in your dark moment right now—would serve you?
You need to figure out what beliefs will serve you first and then you can go about finding evidence to support those beliefs.
What Emotions Would Serve Me Right Now To Experience?:
Your quality of life comes down to the emotions you experience most consistently.
Yes, as various emotions arise we need to honor and hold space for them. Before getting into these questions you should have already done that.
Now, you’ve probably been experiencing some not-so-nice emotions—and now we need to find out what emotions would serve you.
For me, the first thing I thought of was peace—because I haven’t been experiencing much peace lately.
Now, here’s the cool thing, you can let yourself feel emotions and experience them in the absence of the thing that you're waiting for.
If I called you and said I was going to give you a million dollars, you would immediately feel abundance, despite the money not being in your account.
You can feel whatever emotions you want to. We think we need this thing to happen first—like it’s a gatekeeper to our emotions—but that’s not true.
What emotion is it for you? It's probably the antithesis of whatever you're feeling right now.
You can turn those emotions on any time you want. You can always find evidence to support those emotions.
What Would the You in Ten Years Say to You Now?:
This is the version of you that has done and accomplished all the things that you want to do—this version of you is living the life you want to live.
So what advice would that version of you give to you right now?
For me, it was, “You’ve got to stop worrying so much.”
Now, you’re not going to get immediate answers. You’ll have to sit in silence and listen.
I know a lot of you don’t like doing that, but if you do, the advice will come.
You have to shut off your limited thinking of, “That’s not practical and would never happen in real life,” because if you do this, chances are that the you in 10 years has some really wise advice to give.
Assuming you accomplish everything that you want in ten years, and you have the mental capacity and bandwidth, what advice would that version of you give to you right now?
What would 80-Year-Old You Say to You Right Now?:
This one is my favorite question. I got the most amount of clarity with this one.
What would the 80 or 90-year-old version of you say to you right now? What advice would they give?
The person who has your best interest at heart is you at 80 or 90 years old—it’s you on your deathbed.
They have accomplished everything you want to do, they have been there every step of the way.
What would they say to you?
What would 80-year-old Jared say to 31-year-old Jared—who is probably overthinking things and getting fucked up in his own thoughts?
I close my eyes, get into a meditative state, and let me tell you, I really got some clarity with this question.
It was also crazy how different the advice was from the Jared in 10 years.
I don’t want to influence you guys, so I’m not going to share too much of what I got, but something that I got from 80-year-old Jared was, “You worry too much,” which is so true.
If I’m not careful I become a professional “what-if-er.”
It’s something I’ve had to work very hard on.
Another was, “You need to trust me and detach from outcomes,” and that one really hit home.
Question 1: Who am I?
Question 2: Why Do I Deserve to Win?
Question 3: What Beliefs Would Serve Me Right Now?
Question 4: What Emotions Would Serve Me Right Now To Experience?
Question 5: What Would the You in Ten Years Say to You Now?
Question 6: What Would 80-Year-Old You Say to You Right Now?
I know some of you may think I’m totally off my rocker, but this has helped me a lot and it's been a massive help for the people that I've shared this with.
I hope that these questions will be helpful for all of you, as well!
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