Divorcing Diet Culture and Living A Limitless Life with Toni Marinucci | DFIO Ep.269
About Today’s Episode:
In today's episode, I am talking to my friend—and bestselling author—Toni. I was actually on Toni's podcast, Tips with Toni, recently and I knew I had to bring her on here so I could introduce her, her content, and her book to you guys.
We talk a lot about her book in this episode, but at the end of the day, this episode is about being able to step away and get out of the trap of diet culture.
If all you've ever known is being in a constant state of "it's never good enough" or "I've always got to be losing more weight," it's hard to break that cycle.
That's what we get into today: how to get out of it, how to change your entire relationship with diet and exercise, and how to change your relationship with food and yourself.
I know you guys are going to love this one!
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Intro & About Today’s Episode
02:12 Sponsors
05:58 About Toni
11:57 Realizing What Doesn’t Work
20:23 Once Upon A Diet
26:14 Letting Go
30:36 Emotional Addiction
32:18 Where to Start
42:11 Why So Many Fail
51:44 What Toni Is Currently Working On/Excited About
54:09 Outro—Freebies & How to Apply for Coaching
Transcript (Click to expand)
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Divorcing Diet Culture and Living A Limitless Life with Toni Marinucci | DFIO Ep.269
0:00:00.0 Toni Marinucci: Just because this is how I used to do it doesn't mean this is how I have to still do it. Just because I used to behave in this way, doesn't mean I have to continue behaving in this way, you get to choose and if you need a permission to slip, here it is. Are people gonna judge you? Yes. Are people gonna treat you differently? Yes. Are people gonna say, you've changed? Yes, it's because I have. If you're not changing, you're not growing, so it's okay, and you get to choose, you get to decide.
0:00:27.1 Jared Hamilton: And we are back with another episode of Dieting From The Inside Out, if you're new around here, welcome to the show. My name is Jared Hamilton, and I'm super stoked that you're here. I apologize if my voice is a little bit not normal, it is allergy season here in Indiana, and it is in full swing to say the least. So we're rocking the deeper voice, we're rocking the puffy eyes, the whole nine yards. But anyway, we're doing this thing. In today's episode, you are going to have a really, really special treat. I am bringing on my friend and bestselling author, Toni.
0:00:55.8 Jared Hamilton: Here's what's funny is I was actually on Toni's Podcast, Tips With Toni, last week, week before when we recorded it, and I knew I had to bring her on here and introduce her to you guys and her content and her book and all that stuff. And I know you're gonna love it, I know you're gonna get a lot out of it. So Toni is the author of the best sell... One of the... Is the best selling author of a book called "Once Upon a Diet", and it's really cool. We talk about it a lot in the episode. I won't give away all the nuggets here.
0:01:22.3 Jared Hamilton: But at the end of the day, this whole episode is about being able to step away and get out of the trap of diet culture, being constantly and perpetually in that state of it's never good enough. I've always gotta be losing more weight, but if that's all you've ever known, the hard part is getting out of that. You see what I mean? So that's what we're gonna get into today, is all the nuts and bolts around that, how to get out of it, how to change your entire relationship with diet and exercise, how to change your relationship with food and yourself, and at the end of the day, basically get away from this. Almost like kind of the way Toni talks about it, like with people have this toxic relationship with people, like the narcissistic ex-boyfriend or always going back to the old partner and all that kind of stuff, and how a lot of times people have that relationship with their diets and things like that. So it was a really great episode. I know you're gonna get a lot out of it, so be sure and stick around for all of it, we're getting ready to go.
0:02:11.7 Jared Hamilton: To go into it right now. But before we do, big thank you to the sponsors of the show, a huge sponsor to FlexPro Meal. A huge thank you to our first sponsor, FlexPro Meals. Sorry, words are hard apparently today. You guys know at the end of the day, I talk about it a lot. If you're struggling right now with keeping your food in check, keeping your meals in check, and this whole nutrition game being convenient for you, you may consider looking at something like FlexPro Meals or something that makes this side just easier and less friction and it just has a lot of less friction for you. Because at the end of the day, if you're like me and a lot of the clients that we work with, your schedule is all over the place, you're running around, your schedule changes on a moment's notice, things are all over the place. You find yourself in drive throughs or stopping in to the gas station a lot, which means you're gonna end up eating way more calories with being extremely less satisfied and feel like shit, and then all of a sudden you'll feel like I'm doing everything right, but I'm not losing weight.
0:03:04.9 Jared Hamilton: Because of that kind of stuff, the thing is FlexPro Meals fixes this problem really, really well, because they ship meals straight to your house, it's just the same price or even a little bit cheaper than what you would pay going through a drive-through. Every time I pop through the Chipotle, I'm like, "How is this $16 a person?" So it's super helpful, and then everything's dialed in, you know what the exact macros are, you know what the exact calories are, they taste really, really good, better than what you're gonna get at a drive through or making yourself. But at the end of the day, if what you're doing isn't convenient, you may need to look at something that is more convenient and more doable in your crazy life, or at least to have on deck. So that's the way I view it.
0:03:42.0 Jared Hamilton: If you wanna look into that, see what they got going on, either click the link below or go to flexpromeals.com, and I like to save people some money when I can. And so use my code HamiltonTrained and it'll save you 20%, which is pretty dope. Next huge sponsor or... Man, I cannot talk today. Huge thank you to the second sponsor of the show, 1st Phorm, I've got on one of their hoodies again, this is one of my favorite hoodies ironically. Just kind of along the lines of the FlexPro conversation, guys. When it comes to these areas, if you are not getting what you need with what you're doing, you need to supplement it to get what you need. At the end of the day, do we all need supplements? Probably not because of food and things like that, but if you're not getting what you need from food, if you're not getting enough protein in, if your inflammation's high 'cause you're not taking in enough omegas, if you are not eating all five to seven servings of fruits and vegetables every day, you probably could benefit from a multi-vitamin or a greens powder or something like that, because at the end of the day, yes, food is what matters most, and supplements are just that to supplement, but if you are not getting what you need and it is impeding your results, impeding your energy, how you feel, all those things, then we have to fix that otherwise, you're gonna take longer to get to where you wanna be.
0:04:48.6 Jared Hamilton: And in the world of supplements, it's really unregulated. There's a million things out there, and the last thing I want you to do is go to... Just hop online, go to Amazon, find what's cheapest and tastes really shitty and hope for the best because nine times out of 10, you're not gonna get what you need. It's not the best quality. The label is not gonna be accurate. Maybe not even safe. There's a lot of bullshit.
0:05:07.3 Jared Hamilton: So that's the thing I love about 1st Phorm is I know they're tested, I know they are tried, I know they're true, and I know they've stood the test of time and you know everything about them, they're fully transparent, everything's third party tested. How they're actual brick and mortar, that's ungodly huge. I'm actually gonna be going out there here in a month, which is pretty cool, so yeah, that's what I wanna do. That's why I locked arms with them, because I wanna make sure that you are getting the best products possible and that your money, when you're going to spend it on stuff like this is going to things that's actually gonna help you. That's what I want.
0:05:38.5 Jared Hamilton: So be sure to use the link below if you wanna go look and see what they've got going on or if you wanna go and upgrade any of your stuff, and that's that. That's my link below, so when you use that, it does support me and I really, really appreciate it, I don't take it lightly, but yeah, that's it for the sponsor section of the show, let's get into the actual interview with Toni, I will talk to in just a second.
0:06:00.9 Jared Hamilton: Cool. Well, I appreciate you hopping on doing this. Now, in case my audience doesn't know who you are, give a little bit of your story and what not, 'cause I wanna get in... I know what I wanna get into and talk a little about. You don't even know what I wanna talk about, which is the magic, 'cause I think that's the cool part of podcasting.
0:06:13.1 Toni Marinucci: Yeah, for sure.
0:06:15.3 Jared Hamilton: But tell a little bit about your story and what your stuff is.
0:06:18.7 Toni Marinucci: Yeah. Well, there's so many parts like all stories. But I feel like many of our stories start in childhood, and that's definitely where mine began. I grew up overweight, very insecure about my weight, I was teased about my weight both at school and at home, and I was made to feel less than pretty early on, and so the obvious solution for my brain was oh, lose weight and then you'll be worthy of love and acceptance and all your problems will go away. So I had this big pursuit of weight loss, it's sad to say, but as early as the age of nine is where I really started to think of like, oh well, if I don't eat that, I'll get praised for it, and if I exercise and I... I was doing, I talk about it in my book, "Once Upon a Diet", I was dancing too.
0:07:02.7 Jared Hamilton: That's what we're gonna get into after this. [laughter]
0:07:05.1 Toni Marinucci: I'm excited. I'm excited. So Barbie's Dance Workout. You should YouTube it, it's really worth it. And I used to do it for fun, and then I remember I went to... I would spend my summers in Florida with my grandparents and my grandmother, she would be the one who would puff her cheeks out at the table if I would reach for too much food, so I kinda was like, well, this is... You know what? That was the moment where my Barbie's dance workouts that were all fun, became like I did them on repeat, 'cause I was like, "Well, I just gotta make room for food and all that stuff." And so I was always very active 'cause even though I was always in a bigger body, I played basketball, volleyball, I did shopping and discus as I got older, and I was pretty athletic, just overweight.
0:07:48.5 Toni Marinucci: And so then my workouts became like I would come home from basketball tryouts and exercise more, and then it became like I would tell my mom, she only want... I only wanted to eat vegetables for dinner. I would try not... I would only eat an orange the whole day at school, but then I was noticing my energy levels were really low, and I couldn't focus. Basically, long story short, I went... I thought that that... You hear eat as little as possible, exercise as much as possible, and that's how you're gonna lose weight. I thought that that was gonna be the answer, but I learned that restriction wasn't the answer, it was actually part of the problem, because I was binging every weekend, I was struggling with being consistent, and I was also focused on a lot of the wrong things. I was just waiting for the scale to move and I was consistently disappointed. And so that went on for a really long time actually, even when I decided I wanted to go to school to become a registered dietician, the more I learned about nutrition in college, unfortunately, just the more obsessed I became.
0:08:44.7 Toni Marinucci: So I traded the calories in calories out extreme mentality to well, a nutrition obsession, like basically a mentality where is like, I'm only allowed to eat what I considered "healthy," there was no balance whatsoever, and it was just a vicious cycle. So a really long story, the short of it is eventually I actually stopped looking at how food made me look and instead started focusing on how food made me feel, and that's when I found balance in my eating habits, and that's what we teach women to do today. So I've definitely grown and expanded and changed throughout the years, but our main mission is just to help people find a true balance and really define what health actually means to them, both incorporating your mental and physical health and well-being, and just living a life that they enjoy, which means including foods that they enjoy in a balanced way.
0:09:38.6 Jared Hamilton: I love all that. That's so big. I love the part, especially... My last guest on this past week's episode was talking about it where... And I think most people need to make this switch leaning towards intrinsic, not just extrinsic goals. It's easy to just be like, I wanna lose the weight, I wanna fit in the clothes, whatever, and that's... I think you and I are in the same camp where it's not all bad, but we can't just make it only about 30 pounds and nothing else, or if it's like... Well, depending on what the scale says, depends if I go and show up for myself today or not, so I think when you... Especially where you're like, thinking about how food makes me feel, and that side of stuff switching or at least adding an intrinsic sides of things is massively important.
0:10:18.5 Toni Marinucci: Yeah, I really do believe that that has to be your main focus because otherwise you're setting yourself up for disappointment. It's okay to have a weight loss goal or a fat loss goal, or an aesthetic goal, it's okay to have those goals. I do believe in body autonomy, it's your body and you only get one, and you get to choose how you wanna live it and what you wanna do with it. However, we also need to think about if we didn't grow up in a world and in a society that was constantly telling us to change ourselves and we weren't consistently marketed that we're not enough, would we wanna be pursuing this external goal so aggressively and so... Almost like nothing else matters. And I think if we are really honest with ourselves and we really start to change the narrative and we understand where this whole idea came from, we can then start to see that actually, that isn't the most important thing. And ironically, when I focus on the internal stuff and the healthy things like energy, normal bowel movements, getting good sleep, the things that we know are actually actually good for us, those ironically then tend to lead to when we look at ourselves in the mirror, we actually are like, "Huh, I'm kind of proud of myself, like, Oh wow, I actually look pretty good today."
0:11:32.5 Toni Marinucci: You're not gonna have a positive body image all the time, like whatever, but you probably... The more you work on yourself, the more you are committed to those healthy habits versus those very extreme behaviors and goals, you actually start to gain a little bit of self-confidence and your body image usually improved as a result.
0:11:51.2 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, I think people forget also that intrinsic leads to extrinsic.
0:11:55.7 Toni Marinucci: Exactly.
0:11:56.6 Jared Hamilton: It's not always the other way around, 'cause I'm curious if you guys... If you ever find this with your guys' clients, I find it with ours, 'cause a lot of times people will come into our realm from trying to lose 30 pounds, wants to do it, they've always done the crazy trendy stuff, the normal diet culture bullshit. Well, we stop all of that in our stuff and getting people to do inner work and all the stuff that we're talking about right now, and a really big amount of our people will come in and they'll start doing the inner work and all that stuff, 'cause that's the gateway. It's all right, Jared, well, let me lose weight until I do this the right way or whatever. But then by the time they get to the end of it, yeah, they've made progress. But then they almost... They're like, I guess I don't need to weigh as little as I thought, or you know what, I actually am happy with these areas. It's not that they're settling by any means, I don't want anyone listening to take that out of context, but the thought of like, "Oh, I guess I don't need to be a size two anymore, or I don't need to weigh what I weighed in high school," do you find that happens with your people a lot?
0:12:50.7 Toni Marinucci: Yeah, most of the time. Literally like most of the time, because it's really true, and it's not like... We're not tricking you on purpose, we just... It's kind of like, we've been there, we've been there, we've done that, and we've helped thousands of people do it too, so it's kind of just like... But at the same time, I don't believe in robbing people of their process. So actually, one of the things I do talk about in my book in "Once Upon a Diet" is basically how everything has value and nothing is a waste of your time at least as long as it taught you something. If it teaches you something, it wasn't a waste of time, and I mean that by... Sometimes we have to go through it.
0:13:27.7 Toni Marinucci: So I use the analogy of a bad date. So you might... If you're single and there's this guy that you've been... Or girl, whoever you're into, who you have your eye on and you're super excited, but then your friend knows this person, and is like, "Hello. This person is bad news. This person is not going to be your forever person, they're a hit it and quit it type person, and I know you want something long-term. Please just, for the love of God don't even waste your time. Don't go on the date. You're gonna be disappointed."
0:14:01.5 Toni Marinucci: And now, you can do that, you can take that person's advice and their word for it, or you can try it yourself and you're probably nine times out of 10, going to get to that same resolution on your own. I don't care if you decide to go on that route and then get there or if you decide to listen to the friend and then figure it out. That's the same thing with dieting. I'm gonna tell you right now, Optavia, keto, anything extreme, 75 Hard, all of those things that it's like the extremes, they're not gonna work in the long run, but if you need to go through that to learn something, to gain something, to just see it yourself, have at it. Go for it. I can't tell people how to feel, but what we can do is we can guide them and we could often too because if you tell someone they can't do something or they shouldn't do something, it's like a kid that lights up, it's like, oh, right now I have to do it. So I usually go with a more, okay, let's think it through it, we can do this, we can do that.
0:15:02.3 Toni Marinucci: We likely will end up with this outcome if we go with A, and this outcome if we go with B. Which outcome sounds more exciting to you? And then they usually come to those realizations on their own, sometimes by just talking it out, but then other times I'll let them experiment. We create that container because I think it's important for them, 'cause otherwise they're kind of gonna always have this in the back of their head like, "Maybe that actually would work. Maybe I really should try it." And then they're not gonna trust your process Jared or my process, and then they're gonna be one foot in, one foot out, and then they're not gonna make us look pretty good because they're not gonna do the process.
0:15:39.4 Jared Hamilton: Sure.
0:15:40.1 Toni Marinucci: They're not gonna trust the process completely, they're not gonna go all into it. So often I usually allow them to explore and experiment, and it's through that process that they actually come to that realization of like, "Huh, you know what, maybe Jared had something to say, maybe he was right. [laughter] Maybe Toni knows what she's talking about. Okay, I'm done, let's do this."
0:16:00.8 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, that's funny. See, usually, at least with our people by then, they're like, "That's when they're signing up for coaching," versus like, "Hey, I'm starting in your coaching and I wanna do Keto and I'm like, "Bro, no. We're not... " You know what I'm saying?
0:16:12.4 Toni Marinucci: Yeah. No. Definitely not that. I'm very clear with them upfront that those extremes are not gonna be our process, but like you mentioned, and I know that you experienced it too, I'll literally... I'll do... So we have our coaches that do the one-on-one coaching, and then I oversee everything, and then I'll do a midway call with them, or I'll just check in on them, and then I just see how they're doing and nine times out of ten, they'll usually say something to me like, when you told me on our discovery call that I wasn't gonna care so much about the scale, and that that's not really what we focus on, and we're really more so focusing on habits and behaviors and I kind of... I wanna believe you, but I didn't really believe you and I kind of just agreed so I can just get started. So I really wanted to change.
0:16:57.6 Jared Hamilton: Sure.
0:16:58.2 Toni Marinucci: And then they usually are like, well now I really see it, now I really feel it. And it's fair, fine. Cool. I'm glad you trusted me. I'm glad you went in. And that's just how it has to happen sometimes.
0:17:08.5 Jared Hamilton: It's interesting. Some people's journey to get to that point is so different than others, some people... I don't... I think it's crazy. Some people, especially getting into the ecosystem, some people will be signing up for coaching within two weeks of finding me on Instagram, but there's some people, they're like, "No, I have to listen to your shit for eight months then... " Cool, you do, you boo. But I'm here regardless, but that's also eight more months we could be making progress.
0:17:31.9 Toni Marinucci: Oh 1000%. I have people who I've met in person and have been following my things for literal years, literally years. And sometimes it just... We say in her head, timing and finances. And we have all of the reasons, but maybe they just weren't ready. And honestly, I actually used to, when I first started coaching, I used to always say, timing, and there's never... Really, there's never a bad time 'cause it always is gonna teach you something. But sometimes there really is. I don't want someone who's half ass, I don't want someone who's still considering the other things a little bit more heavily. I wanna get to the person, and it sucks because sometimes they do have to go through that before they get to us. But I do want that person that's literally fed up, done, they know what doesn't work, they don't need to be convinced it doesn't work, like they believe, they've seen your clients go through things, they've seen your personal transformation, they've seen you show up consistently, and they believe in you, that's the type of person that's actually gonna get the results that they're looking for.
0:18:34.0 Jared Hamilton: I call the other ones half pregnant, where it's like obviously it doesn't... That doesn't work, but a lot...
0:18:39.5 Toni Marinucci: It doesn't exist. Yeah.
0:18:40.9 Jared Hamilton: You're either pregnant or you're not. But especially inside coaching and people who are coachable or not, when the people that are like, "Well," they're like, like you said, halfway considering, "Maybe I should shortcut it," whatever bullshit, they never work out as well versus the people that are like, "If I don't do this, then I'm literally gonna die. I just need to go as much full force in the most sustainable way possible as I can."
0:19:05.2 Jared Hamilton: We had a lady I was just interviewing who went through our program, and she literally said, I didn't know this until after she graduated, but she said, "You were my last shot. I was literally giving up and it was like, I've tried everything, nothing's worked, and you are my last hope, and I was just hoping this was the one." And it worked.
0:19:30.8 Toni Marinucci: We usually are the last resort. I wish it wasn't the case, 'cause people could really get to place of food freedom and vitality and enjoying life, all of those things that they get after working with us, they could get that way sooner, but it is what it is.
0:19:47.0 Jared Hamilton: We had one of our clients, we'll do interviews either on the podcast or in my Facebook group with clients and stuff, just to make it more relatable for other people, 'cause I don't have ovaries and things like that, so apparently, that matters. But she said, this was a lady who trinity dieted for years, and she said, "It pisses me off at how simple it is now that I get it," it was like 20 years of diet culture, and then two months into coaching, she's crushing it, not binging anymore, losing weight and all this stuff, and she goes, "It literally pisses me off how easy this is now that I get it, it literally makes me sad how many decades of my life I wasted," but it's just sometimes it has to go like that.
0:20:23.6 Toni Marinucci: Yeah.
0:20:25.4 Jared Hamilton: I want to talk about your book because I love the idea of it, and I love the concept behind it, and I know talking about your book is gonna get some really cool conversations going, so talk to us about your book.
0:20:35.0 Toni Marinucci: Yeah, so my book, before it was a book, it was actually a TED Talk. So I did a TED Talk in February 2019, and I had applied to many TED Talks before and I wasn't getting any yeses or whatever, and I think 'cause I was just wanting to talk about healthy habits, there was nothing exciting about it, and then I was kind of separately just frustrated, 'cause I was very similar to what we were just talking about, a lot of the women before they would come and work with us, they would jump from diet to diet, hoping each one was like "the one" and I would get very frustrated because I was like, "Can't they see? It's basically the same diet, just in another book, this is not gonna work for them. Why did it take so long for them to get to this place of realization?" And I was sitting there frustrated and then I was like, "Hold on a minute."
0:21:25.9 Toni Marinucci: So number one, speaking to myself, I'm like, "Toni, first of all, it took you a long time to get it, so give them grace. And you have a degree in Nutrition and a Master's in Nutrition, and you've been a registered dietician at that point, I think for five years, and it just took you a little bit, it took time." Right?
0:21:41.0 Toni Marinucci: So first of all, that. Second, I was like... "And also, you just got out of another serious relationship, this is your third serious relationship where you basically dated the same guy with a different name and a different face, three different times." And I was like, "wait a minute, I actually still haven't learned my lesson when it comes to dating and relationships." Because all I thought was important was being in a relationship, like many women think all that matters is the number on the scale and not losing the weight. So they don't really reflect on, does it actually work? Like with the quality of the diet, the quality of the lifestyle. And that's what I was doing. Didn't matter the quality of the relationship. Like my whole life, I was told that if I didn't lose the weight, I would never get a boyfriend. So here I was with a boyfriend, check done. Oh my god, how exciting is that? But these men would treat me like crap, they were... I was taking care of them like they were my children, there was just so much about it that just was so inappropriate, and so I started to realize the parallels.
0:22:41.7 Toni Marinucci: And so when I realized like, okay, there's something here, I can do my TED Talk on this, I got a yes, and I got accepted. I did... I was preparing for the talk, I was told I only had eight minutes to speak, and it was in that when I was thinking about, I'm like, there's so much more here than just like... They're trying to be Cinderella stepsisters and trying to jam their feet into something that doesn't work. That's the surface. If I go on... I could write a book about this, I was like, this is... I can write a book.
0:23:11.0 Toni Marinucci: So anyways, that's where the book was born and I wrote... It's actually, I'm really proud of it. It's connected with so many people. It is, obviously talk a little bit more about... I talk a little bit more about my story, I talk about client journeys, but then I give really practical tips and advice, and throughout that, it's helping you to kind of see it in a different light, see it in a different way, so whether you're single or in a relationship, dating, whatever it is, it's really important because basically I help you go through the three different stages. Before, if you're... While you're dating or before you're in a relationship, kind of things to look out for, will it last past the honeymoon phase? Stuff like that.
0:23:53.2 Toni Marinucci: Then if you're currently in one, reflecting like, do I even like this still? It's okay, you can change, your partner can change. Their relationship can change. That doesn't necessarily mean that you stop... You break up with that person or you end that relationship, just like it doesn't necessarily mean that maybe foundationally the nutrition things that you're following or the exercise you're following, they once worked, but now they're really not working anymore, that doesn't necessarily mean you give up, but it might mean you need to re-direct.
0:24:19.9 Toni Marinucci: However, it also might be like it has its end point and it gave you, what it did is not serving you anymore, and it's okay to say goodbye to it. Right? And then the last part I have people reflect on within the book is what lessons did I learn from this after the fact?
0:24:37.5 Toni Marinucci: Because if we really wanna change something, if we really want a different outcome, we need to be honest with ourselves, and we need to take a look at... For me, I had to look at my partners, I had to look at me, who I was with those partners, I had to look at even with nutrition stuff, maybe certain recipes I tried were great, but I don't need to follow that whole meal plan, there are certain things like simply and then really in-depth examples of how we can just do life better and we can live a healthy lifestyle, and we can be in a healthy relationship or not, healthy and... Whatever we want. Happy and single.
0:25:17.2 Toni Marinucci: At the end of the day, you get to choose, but I think it's really important to use the questions that I have you ask yourself within the book, the examples in the book, there's just so many things that you could do to break that cycle, I like to call it the stepsister cycle, right? Like the Cinderella Stepsister, they tried to jam their feet into that shoe that clearly doesn't fit, like we need to break that, and that's like the diet cycle, you can break it and it is possible, but you need to be able to be introspective and honest with yourself, and real and raw. And you're gonna have to do something different if you want a different result. That's kind of the summary of the book.
0:25:52.3 Jared Hamilton: I love that so much. It's so good. Yeah, we should... Definitely, we'll put the link to that book in the description and stuff, which would be cool. And I think it's interesting, I didn't... Not as in depth as you just went, but a common analogy, I pride myself on being the king of analogies, and a common one I give is with diet stuff, is relationships, like the toxic boyfriend bullshit all the time. But I think it's interesting that you talked on seasons of accepting, letting go, and I think that's so powerful 'cause even just client-wise, we'll see... If I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "Oh, I just wish I was the weight when I thought I was fat." Or they're holding on to when they were in high school or the... I was talking with someone the other day that they're holding on to the one or two times they've lost weight is, "Well, I'm just gonna go back to that," but then we have to have the conversation of, well, it came back then, so maybe we should... Maybe divorce that diet because it didn't serve you, it doesn't serve you anymore, or we'll see another demographic, we get a fair amount of clients from is, let's say old athletes, whether they were superstar soccer players or body builders, or physique competitors.
0:27:00.4 Jared Hamilton: I'm like, "Well, that chapter of your life is over and we need to not compare... We have to let go of the modalities," I know the only other time we've done fitness is when you were on a stage at 3% body fat with an eating disorder, but that can't be your baseline anymore. We have to let go of that or let's divorce that, getting back into relationship analogies, but I think that's a really nice parallel because I think a lot of people get it in the relationship, but in the diet culture, they're like, what... How is it? It's fine.
0:27:25.5 Toni Marinucci: Yeah, it's really... It's wild what we allow in our lives and what we do accept, I feel like that... And that's... When I talk about introspection, those are the types of conversations we need to be having with ourselves continuously and regularly. Just because this is how I used to do it, doesn't mean this is how I have to still do it. Just because this is the original career that I chose, doesn't mean I have to continue in this career. Just because this is the person that I thought I was spending the rest of my life with, doesn't mean I have to spend the rest of my life with them. Just because I used to behave in this way, it doesn't mean I have to continue behaving in this way.
0:28:00.5 Toni Marinucci: You get to choose and if you need a permission slip like, here it is, you literally... The only people... Yeah. Are people gonna judge you? Yes. Are people gonna treat you differently? Yes. Are people gonna say, you've changed? Yes, it's because I have. If you're not changing, you're not growing, so it's okay. And you get to choose. You get to decide. I just recently said... Came to a realization the other day and I posted about it, but basically like how you view your body actually has nothing to do with the way that it looks, but everything to do with the way you choose to see it.
0:28:38.2 Toni Marinucci: If you could really, truly understand that, let that sink in, you will change your life forever because so many people are spending countless hours completely exhausted, obsessing over how much they hate themselves, how much they don't like what they see, and instead they could be choosing to look at what their body is able to do for them, replace it with some gratitude, starting to pretend like they like it even just a little bit to eventually to the point where they actually do start to see some changes or notice some changes, or even feel some changes, but it really starts with how you talk to yourself, it starts with how you view yourself, and if you believe that there are limits in this world, you will live limitedly, but if you agree that you... Any choice that you make in your life there's... You can do it limitlessly, you're gonna live a limitless life, and it's really freeing and really freaking awesome if you can do that.
0:29:31.2 Jared Hamilton: That reminds me, there's a talk I give about this kind of concept, especially not just in how your body feels and the other aspects of progress, but if we're willing to discount a little bit of progress or a little win, we'll discount an entire transformation. Well, someone will discount the entire thing that they think they want, because I compare the transformation someone wants to like a 1000-page book. Well, everyone wants the transformation, everyone wants that... We'll call it the Fat... The whole book, but a 1000-page book is made up of just that, a 1000 pages, but most people would sit with a book and go, turn the page and they go, "Oh, I haven't made any progress. Oh, it's just a page. Well, look how much, I still have 997 pages to read. Oh my gosh, this is terrible," but every day is a page turn or every win is a... Massive transformation is made up of thousands of micro-wins, but if you'll disregard all of those, you'll disregard the entire book. Just because everyone looks at it through what I call the lens of lack, and it's just terrible.
0:30:31.1 Toni Marinucci: Lens of lack, I like that.
0:30:32.8 Jared Hamilton: It's like beer goggles but different.
0:30:36.1 Toni Marinucci: Yeah. Not good.
0:30:37.6 Jared Hamilton: Well, it's funny. I'm sure, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Along those lines is, I think people get into these cycles of emotional addiction. Their baseline emotion is, let's say, lack or I always want more, or the baseline of it's not good enough, so regardless of whatever result they get, they find a way to go, well, it's not good enough or they start shooting on themselves. Do you see that a lot?
0:30:56.9 Toni Marinucci: Oh yeah, all the time. That's a trap. That is literally a trap. It starts from your mind, every transformation that you want and you desire starts from your mind. And the second that you get that, like going back to what your client said, you're realizing... I can't believe how easy it is. It's actually that easy. Yes, you still have to put in the work. But think about it, when you wanna work out versus when you don't wanna work out, how much different is that? It's just a totally different experience. It all starts in your mind, you have to change your phrasing, you have to understand that you get to. You don't have to, you don't want to, you get to. And even that, coming from that place of gratitude, that in itself, you can feel it when you say it, there's a shift in your body that happens versus like, I have to. I should. These are things that you can literally feel your body like shrink a little bit, but I get to. I almost like my body comes up because it's just a different type of energy, and when you can understand that, your whole world will change.
0:32:00.4 Jared Hamilton: Absolutely, it changes what... It changes the entire state you're in, entirely. It's the difference between anxious and excited, they're cousins, but they are very similar, but they're totally different, totally different. It goes back to that, big energy guy, big... It's a lot. So let me ask you this then, so to get a little... Super tactical. For those that are listening that have been trapped. They're like, you've literally described my entire life, I've just been living in this. It's never good enough. Diet culture, the whole nine yards. I don't even know where to start. Where is a good place for someone listening to just even start with this stuff?
0:32:40.6 Toni Marinucci: God, that's a good question. Everyone's gonna be different. So some people might have to spend a little bit more time detaching this whole concept of their image and where it came from, they might have to really do a lot of the mental work, I guess everyone though should start with their mindset. I think that's always a good place to be. So you wanna consistently challenge your mindset, any time you're hearing phrases like, I can't, I should, I have to, really try to get to go... Change to a place of gratitude and I get to.
0:33:13.6 Toni Marinucci: And instead of focusing on what you want the outcome to be, really focus on like, what are the habits that I can do every day that produce that outcome, more so who do I wanna be and how does that person behave? And if you're someone, for example, you wanna do the morning workouts. Morning workouts, you might say, I'm not a morning person. Well, a morning person workouts in the morning, so any time you say, I'm not a morning person, you say I am a morning person. You just have to challenge the thought. Now, positive affirmations aren't gonna do it. You have to put work in, but the more that you do it, the more that you...
0:33:48.0 Toni Marinucci: Instead of saying, I'm a morning person or I'm not a morning person, or focusing on like, "Ugh, I gotta get up tomorrow morning and work out." No, the goal is, I love starting my day with productivity or I love the way that I feel when I work out. I also hate obsessing over when I'm gonna work out, and it's all I can think about, and then I feel like I hate when I get to the end of the day, and it's something that I said I was gonna do and I don't do it. So you know what? I'm going to decrease all of those chances as much as I possibly can, and just get it over done... Eat That Frog, right? I don't know if you ever read that book, personal development book, I definitely recommend. Do the thing that you don't wanna do the first in the beginning of the day, and the more you focus on how you want to feel and who you want to be, now the actions that are required start to take shape and there's less resistance there. Will you have a little bit resistance? Sure, but it'll be less.
0:34:42.4 Toni Marinucci: And then the more you do it, now you build momentum, and momentum is what's gonna keep you motivated, a lot of people, I'm sure you've probably talked about this before, Jared, a lot of people wait for motivation, but motivation comes and goes, and if you consistently depend on motivation, you're going to be consistently inconsistent. You cannot wait to be motivated.
0:35:01.0 Jared Hamilton: I love that.
0:35:01.0 Toni Marinucci: That just came to me, by the way, have never said that before.
0:35:02.5 Jared Hamilton: Let's go.
0:35:04.6 Toni Marinucci: Totally gonna tweet that. Yeah, writing that down. I might have to have you go back and tell me what I said exactly.
0:35:13.8 Jared Hamilton: I got you, I got you.
0:35:16.1 Toni Marinucci: No. That was good. But anyway, so the point is, is momentum is what's gonna breed success, so you really wanna make sure that you're focused on the little things and really start to look at your habits. Habits are everything. We are what we repeatedly do. One habit at a time. I like to say at Tips with Toni, helping you get healthy one bite at a time, but it really is that. So really be honest with yourself about... We can talk about so many things, and I can go into so many things right now, and I don't wanna get too distracted. But one of the things that we do really specialize at Tips with Toni is helping people overcome emotional eating or binge eating, and a lot of times, there's two factors, we have obviously our physical factors, which we post, people are usually physically hungry meaning they're under-eating, not getting enough nutrients, there's a lot of imbalance.
0:36:05.5 Toni Marinucci: But then we have our psychological factors, things like pouring out of an empty cup, not taking care of their emotional needs or their mental well-being, feeling psychologically deprived, so maybe nutrition-wise, they're getting all the things, but they haven't had... Allowed themselves to have something like pizza or burger or French fries in two months or whatever it is, so psychologically, there's just no connection... There's nothing satisfied there. And I say that to say, 'cause often those people, they will overlap and enter what's called the danger zone, where it can be really difficult to know what's the best plan of action, but I think for the people listening today, I think it's important to be really honest with yourself, like, do I need to focus on physically filling my body up, or do I need to focus on psychologically filling my body up? Nine times at 10, it's probably gonna be both.
0:36:57.0 Toni Marinucci: So I often tell people start with the physical because you'll actually start to notice that it changes your mentality. So for example, if you're trying to go all day without eating and then stressing and frustrated with yourself that you're binging at night, try focus on eating at least three balanced meals a day and incorporate a protein, a carbohydrate, a fat, a fruit or veggie at most meals, if that's too overwhelming to you, just do it for one of them, but the point is, is if you can start to focus on physically feeling better, so eating enough, eating, balance enough, adding in rather than taking away, adding in water, adding more sleep, managing your stress, so adding in yoga or writing in your journal or something like that, and you focus on those things, you'll start to notice that your mood, your energy, psychologically, you have more brain space. Things just start to get better, and then eventually... Now you're gonna know what the next step is.
0:37:51.3 Toni Marinucci: So going back to your original question of, "Where do you begin?" Well, you begin with your mindset, but then you also have to understand that every choice that you make has an effect which has an effect, which has a reaction, which has a reaction.
0:38:01.6 Toni Marinucci: So really think about, what is the thing that really affects everything? So that night time eating, often people, it's because a lot of people are not eating enough during the day, or they're never taking a break or whatever it is, really focus on that, and then you'll start to be able to tackle maybe the weekends or maybe your workouts or maybe whatever the other things are that are kind of getting in your way, but if you try to do it overnight, you're going to burn out and you're gonna struggle with consistency for sure.
0:38:31.8 Jared Hamilton: No, without a doubt. I think that's the biggest thing is people need to like whatever they're gonna do, 'cause there's a million ways to win, but I think people try to get too in the weeds or in the bushes or whatever that old saying is where they're just doing all the things and then they just get like... They freeze. There's a talk. I was at an event one time with Jesse Itzler. He's just crazy, psycho.
0:38:53.9 Toni Marinucci: Oh yeah. He's crazy.
0:38:54.0 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, I love Jesse. Yeah, he's crazy.
0:38:53.9 Toni Marinucci: He's an extremist. He's like a rare... He makes the extreme work, I'm not... That doesn't...
0:39:00.1 Jared Hamilton: No, no, no. No, no, here's what's funny. This was the best advice I've ever heard, and I couldn't believe it came out of his mouth. He said, everyone... And mind you, this was in a room of nothing, but high achievers, this was nothing but crazy psychos. And he said, I'm the biggest fan of a habit of the month, just one habit a month. You'd never guess Jesse would say that. He goes, "Raise your hand if you've added 12 habits to your year." Not a single hand got raised. He goes, "Interesting. What about six habits? Who can say there's six habits they've added this year?" No hands went up. He goes, "Three, three habits? You got like four people raised their hands." He goes, "This is the problem, you guys try to do all of these habits and all these things to grow your business or work on your family, or get your fitness or whatever the thing is," he goes, "But you burn out. You don't last long enough." He goes, "I add 12 new habits every year to my life. You think my life is gonna change adding 12 rock solid habits? I just do a habit of the month." This month it's...
0:39:54.3 Jared Hamilton: His are weird. He's like learning to play a guitar, I wanna learn how to play a guitar. So that's my habit is I do 15 minutes of guitar every day. Next month, I wanna learn Spanish, starts practicing Spanish every day. Next month, I gotta work on my fitness, I'm gonna start drinking more water, but could you imagine if someone signed up for a coaching program and month one, water. That's it. [laughter] Month two, track your calories, [laughter] that's it. Month three, protein. It would never work out.
0:40:25.6 Toni Marinucci: No. I think would... But I do believe it could work technically... I think that's the positive of working with a coach is you could implement faster, but if you're not... You don't wanna work with a coach or you're not just... For whatever reason, you're just choosing not to, maybe try that.
0:40:42.7 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, I couldn't believe that came out of Jesse's mouth with the crazies, psychopath side of him, but it was great. I love Jesse. But a lot of times when someone... 'Cause I'm curious your thoughts on this, when somebody comes to you and says, well, doing it in your way is too slow. I got a vacation coming up, or I've been trying to lose weight for so many years. I'm trying to get it done now. What are your thoughts whenever you're saying take it slow, one habit at a time, stop trying to rush it, and they're like, I have got to get this weight off fast. That's the problem. What's your thoughts to that?
0:41:11.1 Toni Marinucci: Yeah, that's the problem. That's why you have that problem. That's why you... [laughter] I usually tell them the slow way is actually the fast way, because it is. Because even if it took you a year, at least in a year, you're further along than the past 40 years of staying in the same place and each year having another 10 pounds to lose or still struggling or now you have type one diabetes, two diabetes or high blood pressure, blah, blah, blah. These are things that could have been prevented with the proper interventions, but unfortunately, the problem only got worse or just didn't get better. So you're either progressing or regressing. There's really no in-between.
0:41:53.4 Jared Hamilton: I do think it's interesting if you look, like zoom out and look at the numbers and stuff. The people who try to lose weight the fastest, struggle the longest.
0:42:00.2 Toni Marinucci: Oh yeah.
0:42:00.7 Jared Hamilton: You know what I mean? That's at least the route I go when someone's like, "Well, it has to be faster." I'm like, "Maybe that's the problem, Karen." [laughter] You know what I mean? So from your perspective as a whole, why do you think so many people fail, why do you think so many people struggle and don't get... I know the statistics are what they are, but why do so many people fail from your perspective? If you could fix one or two areas that everyone would be fixed with, why do you think they fail?
0:42:30.2 Toni Marinucci: Two reasons, mindset. So unfortunately, our whole lives being told we're not enough and we need to constantly be changing, and then that change that we're... It's almost like how the business owners can get stuck chasing the algorithm. I am all for figuring out what works and what doesn't, but I'm not about to change my entire marketing strategy just 'cause the algorithm consistently decides to change, it's annoying. At the end of the day, I know who I am, I know what I provide, I know I deliver, and I'm gonna say what's on my heart, and I'm gonna say it in the way that I wanna say it. I don't care if that means that I have to put it in a reel or whatever, at the end of the day, I'm doing what I need to do for me. Because that's what works for me, and that's the most important thing.
0:43:09.3 Toni Marinucci: So I think the mindset is really important and truly understanding that the more you love your decisions, the less you need other people to love them, and to really just go all in on figuring out what it is that you need to do to be successful. That's really... That's key.
0:43:23.2 Toni Marinucci: And then I guess tying into that, it's very similar, which is the other reason why people... There's a lot of failure there is because they're trying to follow things that aren't designed for them, and they're not factoring in their lifestyle, and they're focused on the external things or they're looking outside themselves, or they're trying to follow like what their friend at work is doing and they're easily influenced by others. So I think it really does go back down to the more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them because that is something I say, well, all of our clients, because at the end, all we want them to do is be super confident and not influenced by the world around them, by the people around them, they might still get triggered because we all do, especially family, they have a way of turning the knife, but that doesn't mean that you need to respond to it, going back to those extremes. So I think the faster you get to a place where you are understanding that your way is not gonna look like anybody else's way, you actually get closer to succeeding rather than failing.
0:44:26.3 Jared Hamilton: You know what's interesting is, I always think that it's interesting that people have these hang-ups like this in weight loss, but every other area in our life, it's the polar opposite, people... You go to a person that's a mom that she's like, I don't care what that mom says, this is how I'm raising my kids to not be degenerates, or if you're moving into a house and someone's like, "Well, that's a pretty big house." It's like, yeah, 'cause I want a big house. Or, Oh, I don't want a big house. Or whatever it is, it's almost like you'll see people who struggle with those decisions here in weight loss, they're great everywhere else, or the boyfriend that no one likes. It's like, "No, I like him, I love him. He's good to me. So fuck you." You know what I mean? There's almost like this chip on the shoulder about it, but when it's weight loss, it's like it's different. I thought that was fascinating. Well, something I talk about in my content a lot is we do everything right in all the other areas except for here. No one says I'm an all or nothing person with brushing their teeth, they do it in weight loss. No one says, I'mma wait to start over Monday, like something like brushing your teeth.
0:45:28.9 Jared Hamilton: Or I'm a perfectionist, I'm all in all out. But no one's like, if they drop an egg out of a cart and they're like, "Oh, I smashed the whole dozen." You know what I mean? We don't do that anywhere else. If you're late for work because of construction, you're not quitting the job versus if you're like, "Oh, I can't get my whole hour-long work in, and I can only get 55 minutes, fuck it, I'm not gonna go." It's only in weight loss we get weird about shit. You know what I mean? Just like what you were saying with the decision-making. I just think it's fascinating.
0:45:58.6 Toni Marinucci: It really is.
0:46:00.6 Jared Hamilton: Why do you think that is?
0:46:01.6 Toni Marinucci: I just... The patriarchy? I'm sorry. But [laughter] I don't want to go down a rabbit hole. Control. I'm gonna say control.
0:46:18.1 Jared Hamilton: In what context?
0:46:19.3 Toni Marinucci: Everybody... Food is the one, very few thing in life, very few things in life that we actually have control over what we eat, what we don't eat, and it also culturally defines us. There's so many things that it's tied to, and so I think that that... Yes, to your point, there's all these other things that for whatever reason, it's like, "This is how I'm doing it, and I don't care." But I think when you tie appearance and when you tie the fact that life really is crazy unpredictable, and this is the one thing in life we can control, sometimes they get thrown out of context. And I feel like that's probably... And I'm sure there's more to it after I think meditate on this for a little bit, but that is what I would probably say.
0:47:10.4 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, interesting. I just think it's crazy just that this is why I think the psychology piece has to be hammered on, and I feel like no one does, or very few people do, it's just like, "No, just eat less, move more. It's fine. Work harder, do better. Go on a walk." It's like, Okay, that's cool, but we have all this like 95% of the other bullshit over here we've got to address.
0:47:31.3 Toni Marinucci: Yeah, knowing what to do is like 10% of it. Because here's the thing, first of all, I could argue a lot of people are like, I know what to do. I bet you you don't actually. [laughter] Because what you were told to do is complete bullshit, and actually it does not apply to your lifestyle at all, but even after, let's say after working with someone for a month, we've identified all of these things that we've had to unlearn and relearn and educate them on what is appropriate, what is helpful and what it actually means for them, and we gave them all the information. They still need time for implementation, and because habits take time to break and take time to make, there's the knowledge and the application, that's where you're going to see the change.
0:48:16.7 Toni Marinucci: A whole lot of knowledge is really not hopeful at all, actually, and using the wrong context could actually be very harmful, so it's really important that that to work through and that people understand. I actually also too, when it comes to growth, I know there's tons of quotes about it, and I can't think of one off the top of my head, but basically, if you think you know it all, you're done, you're done, you're not growing, you're probably gonna regress in a lot of ways, even I can speak to this as a business owner, I noticed myself at one stage in my life, I felt like I figured it all out and I didn't need this, I didn't know that, and that was really, really harmful for me and my business, because I started to notice my energy shifted.
0:49:01.8 Toni Marinucci: I started to notice things were, they felt like they were kinda falling apart a little bit, and I noticed that by that is what I realized is maybe that the mastermind I was in or the person I was working with wasn't a good fit for me anymore, but that doesn't mean that I had to stop there, it just means I was ready for the next thing and I needed to keep growing, but to shut yourself off to the world or to shut yourself off for advice and growth and expansion, you're doing to yourself a disservice.
0:49:33.4 Jared Hamilton: Well, I think the other piece with that too, 'cause I agree with you, is when someone does the... I call it the knowing doing gap, it's a thing. Is knowing, is like, yeah, we all can surf the internet and get the information, do the knowing, but doing this all caught up in our psychology, it's all caught up in... We're on autopilot 90% of the day. So of course, more... Actually, this is where I see more people, more knowledge actually makes them freeze more. You know, like the fight, flight, fawn or freeze, a lot of people freeze 'cause then they're getting more information. It's like everyone's lifetime content, what word am I looking for? Viewers, everyone's searching and looking at it like, "Well, this diet, well this diet. Well, this way, Jared's way, Toni's way, Bob's way, Karen's way, Jordan's way."
0:50:15.1 Jared Hamilton: And it's like, I don't even know what to do, and it enables lack of action. Whereas like, maybe you should just pick one of those ways to just run with it and see what you learn, but I think that's the big thing, is the doing is caught up in our psychology, and that's where everyone's issues are at.
0:50:30.5 Toni Marinucci: And the practicality. Sometimes you need an outside perspective. First of all, like you said, we're all on auto-pilot, you need someone to say like, hey, how about for 30 minutes a week, you meet with somebody else to kinda talk through what's going on instead of staying stuck in this cycle that nothing's ever changing. Sometimes it's super... Going back to your client of how simple it is, sometimes it's like, how about we take that chicken out of the freezer so you have something to eat tomorrow. [laughter] It's so simple, but that small, that chicken out of the freezer literally was a saving of binging the cabinets and saying screw it and then starting over on "Monday" blah, blah, blah. That was a big shift.
0:51:08.0 Toni Marinucci: So sometimes you just need somebody else to give you a little bit of another thought or perspective or shift, and it forces you to slow down and look at things differently, and that is a game changer, and that is usually what people need, is they need someone to be in the middle and to help them get out of their own way.
0:51:29.8 Jared Hamilton: Yeah. You're doing it again. Stop it. You're at... Don't, stop. You're doing it again. Yeah, that's the joke, but it's what happens when people talk about coaching and stuff. So you need someone to just do aah. Stop. You're doing it again, you're drifting, don't you dare... Oh, you said it again. Don't. No, go back, whatever. Final question. So what are you working on and excited about right now, this could be personal, business, life, whatever, Toni-wise, what are you working on and excited about?
0:51:57.5 Toni Marinucci: So what I'm working on is I have never hosted an in-person event before, so what I'm currently working on right now is I'm piloting a small event, I don't know when this is coming out. It's actually gonna be at my home, it's a body healing image workshop, and it's gonna be super intimate, only 10 women there. We're gonna be doing a whole bunch of different exercises around mind, body and spirit, and really just helping them to have that transformation almost elevated and quick as possible, because we're gonna be together in a room, so that though stemmed from my bigger dream and my bigger vision which is hosting retreats and being able... So I wanna see how this goes, but then eventually I would love to be able to have a little bit more women and probably do it at a really cool resort or something and go a little deeper with it.
0:52:50.5 Toni Marinucci: So that is what I'm working on. And really the vision is to bring women together to help them to understand that they're not alone, and to really get them to feel more comfortable in their bodies as fast as possible, so we have a six-month program that we work with clients with that definitely gets them there. And it's wonderful.
0:53:10.4 Toni Marinucci: However, I wanted something that I thought would kind of expedite the process and then also quickly provide that level of support, 'cause a lot of women, we do one-on-one coaching, and then we have group support in addition, but it's all virtual, and a lot of the women have said, I feel better when I'm here, but this is once a week. I need something, I want something that's gonna be more intimate and blah, blah, blah. So that's where it came from and that's what I'm excited about.
0:53:34.5 Jared Hamilton: The sick. That'll be super cool. You should totally bring in a videographer and do some content around that too. That'd be dope as fuck.
0:53:40.8 Toni Marinucci: Yeah. Yeah, that's the plan. [laughter]
0:53:42.5 Jared Hamilton: I love that. Where can people find you if they like this and they're like, "Oh, I'm digging it." Where can they find you?
0:53:49.0 Toni Marinucci: Yeah. So I'm most active on Instagram @tips_with_toni with an I. My book is on Amazon, it's called ""Once Upon a Diet"." And if they want any more information about services, they can go to tipswithtoni.com.
0:54:02.0 Jared Hamilton: Sick. Awesome. Well, Toni, this has been great. I had a blast on your show and then this was a blast and so I'm glad we did this. This has been cool.
0:54:09.0 Toni Marinucci: Yes, me too. Thanks so much for having me.
0:54:11.1 Jared Hamilton: And we are back. Thank you so much for sticking around for the entire episode of the podcast. I know if you made it this far, you got a lot of nuggets from my conversation with Toni. A few things before you go, number one, be sure to connect with Toni, be sure to reach out to her, and be like I saw yo, I was on the podcast, that was great. Be sure and go pick up her book, I will leave the link below that way you can go pick up her book off Amazon, and then be sure before you leave, I do have a few other things for you, number one, don't forget to subscribe to the show and leave me a review. It would mean a ton to me. We pour so much time and effort and energy and money and resources into this show to make it as good as possible, and my one ask is for you to just support the show with leaving a review and subscribing. That way, you know whenever the next episode goes live. But also if you could, share this with a friend. If you got a lot out of this episode, you listened to this whole thing, screenshot it, throw it on your story and tag me in it and tell me what you thought, this way we can get the word to more people.
0:55:06.2 Jared Hamilton: 'Cause of course, I'm gonna say dope stuff about my show, but the more you say the positive things about my show, people go, "Oh, wow. That may be legit. I'm just like her." Or whatever the case is. So it means a ton. Excuse me. So yeah, be sure and do that. Otherwise, before you leave, I have a few other things for you, number one is, if you are just getting started on your journey, you're not quite sure where to go or what to do, I actually have a free fat loss course, it's called the Fat Loss checklist, I'll leave it in the description, that way it's just gonna give you the A to Z of Fat Loss, how to lose weight sustainably and keep it off and never struggle again. It's a fully self-guided course. And it is my gift to you. Okay?
0:55:41.2 Jared Hamilton: Next, if you don't have a home base, if you're kinda lonely on this journey, your husband doesn't get it, your kids don't care, your friends are like crabs in a bucket, so they make fun of people whenever you start to lose weight, whatever. If you don't have a spot to go to to get loved on, to get support, to get help, to get your questions answered, you need that, and nine times out of 10, if you put yourself in the right environment, your problems go away, just like it does with kids. So I have that, I have a free Facebook group called Fat Loss Simplified.
0:56:06.8 Jared Hamilton: I run it. I lead it. I'm posting content in there every week, damn near every day, live trainings, Q&As, all the free guides, free resources, more course work, all sorts of stuff, you will not find another better group on the internet, even paid groups and my group is completely for free, because I think everyone needs a home base to be successful. So if you're not part of it, be sure and join us there. And then finally, if you're sick of doing this on your own and you're like, "Man, I just... I'm tired of the bandwidth game of like, I've been trying to lose weight for the last five to 10 years, nothing's ever working my way, evidently it doesn't work, all these kind of things, and you're ready for some help and you're ready for someone to just tell you what to do and give you the proven blueprint and the road map, apply for coaching.
0:56:48.5 Jared Hamilton: I have a special thing for my podcast listeners who want to apply for coaching. I'll leave a link in the description that takes you to the front of the line, 'cause we only take on a certain amount of people per month. So if you apply for coaching from the podcast, you go straight to the front of the line and cut everyone else and I have some extra things to give you if you do get accepted into coaching. 'Cause at the end of the day too, is there's no place on the internet you can go to and just sign up for coaching because I have to make sure this is a good fit.
0:57:13.6 Jared Hamilton: We only work with people who we know we can 180 their lives, it is why the program was called 180 Impact, is because if we do not think we can 180 your entire life like a full about face, we're gonna politely not accept you into coaching 'cause that would be just unethical, and I would really point you to someone who actually I think can serve you better. So before we ever do anything, we always have to make sure this is the right fit, and then we can go from there, but be sure, and if that's kind of up your alley and you wanna see what that's about and get some information on it, apply, just go to the link below and apply for coaching. Like I said, I have a special place in my heart for my podcast listeners. So I like to incentivize that a little bit, but otherwise, I appreciate the fuck out of you, thank you so much for being here. I will see you for next week's episode, and I'll talk to you soon.
[music]
About Toni:
Toni grew up overweight, was teased about her weight, and—as early as 9 years old—she had the goal of weight loss.
As Toni grew up, she was active and pretty athletic, but overweight. She began increasing the amount she exercised and restricting her food intake, eating as little as a single orange during the day.
This overly restrictive, exercise-heavy approach failed her. Toni would struggle to be consistent and would binge on the weekends.
Toni’s struggles continued for a long time—even after she went to school to become a registered dietitian. As she learned more about nutrition, she became obsessed with only eating foods she considered to be ‘healthy’.
Over the years, Toni learned to stop focusing on how food made her look and started focusing on how food made her feel and her mentality surrounding food.
Today, Toni teaches other women how to find balance in life and how to enjoy foods.
Both Toni and Jared agree that having weight or fat loss goals and aesthetic goals are fine, but those goals need intrinsic motivation because, as Jared points out: “intrinsic leads to extrinsic.”
Realizing What Doesn’t Work:
Jared often finds that people often come to him after having always done crazy diet culture stuff…
…and then when they start doing the inner work, they realize that their goals are different—they don’t need to weigh so little.
Toni finds that this tends to be the case with most of her clients, as well.
Toni doesn’t want to rob anyone of their process and recognizes that sometimes people have to go through certain things before they are ready to try things another way.
She can tell you that Optavia, keto, or any other extreme diet isn’t going to be the solution, but some people have to go through the experience of those things first-hand.
Both Toni and Jared are very upfront with potential clients that the diet culture extremes are not something that they do and that their programs are different—you'll learn to stop caring about the scale, you’ll build habits, etc.
Toni wants clients who are ready to fully commit to the process of changing, who know that the extremes don’t work—but she recognizes that, unfortunately, some people have to go through a lot before they are ready for a coach like Jared or herself.
Jared and Toni find that those who go in full force are the ones who get results.
Once Upon A Diet:
Before her book was a book, it was a TED Talk.
This TED Talk came about after she had applied several times with no traction.
Originally, Toni just wanted to talk about healthy habits, but she was getting nowhere and was finding herself frustrated with how often she was hearing from clients about all the diet-hopping they had done.
Toni realized that it took her a long time to understand that extreme diets didn’t work and that she needed to give a little grace to the women out there struggling with diet culture—comparing it to her experience with relationships.
Toni had, historically, gotten into serious relationships with men who she ended up taking care of, who didn’t treat her well. This sparked the idea for her eventual TED Talk and then her book.
In the book, she talks more about her story, client journeys, and gives tips going through the steps of not only changing, but also analyzing where you are at in life and being introspective.
She draws the comparison between dieting and relationships and teaches readers that there are many ways to be happy and healthy—neither of which depends on a number on a scale or your relationship status.
Letting Go:
Jared often has clients who are hanging on to a number on the scale and the old extreme way they lost weight before. He talks with them about divorcing those past diets that are no longer serving them and letting go of that old baseline.
Toni states that it’s wild what we allow and accept in our lives and that that’s why introspection is so important.
She says, “Just because you always did things one way doesn’t mean you have to keep doing that. If you’re not changing you’re not growing, but you get to choose and you get to decide.”
Toni believes that how you view your body has nothing to do with the way it looks, but everything to do with how you choose to see it.
She knows that if a person can understand that, they can change their lives.
It starts with how you talk to yourself and how you see yourself.
If you see limits, you’ll live a limited life.
Jared points out that if someone is willing to discount a little bit of progress, they’ll discount their entire transformation—a massive transformation is made up of thousands of micro-wins.
Emotional Addiction:
Jared finds that people get addicted to certain emotions—like always wanting more—and constantly find that they’re “not good enough.”
Toni sees this type of thing all the time and says that every transformation starts from your mind—you have to change your phrasing:
You get to.
It’s not you have to, or you should…
You GET to.
Shifting your mindset will transform your world.
Where to Start:
Though everyone is different, Toni says that it’s generally good to start with your mindset. Focus on the habit that will produce the outcome, rather than the outcome itself.
Think about who you want to be and how that person behaves.
If you want to work out in the morning but constantly tell yourself you’re not a morning person, you have to change that narrative.
Affirmations alone will not do it, you have to back it up with your actions.
When you get a clear idea of who you want to be, your actions can start to follow—you will still have to put the work in, but you can start gaining momentum.
Toni also says you cannot wait for motivation. Motivation comes and goes and relying on it will only lead to being inconsistent.
It’s important to be truly honest with yourself. Toni finds that a lot of people will be both physically and mentally deprived.
When someone is physically deprived they may be undereating or not getting enough nutrients, whereas a person who is mentally deprived may not be allowing themselves foods they enjoy.
Generally, when someone is both physically and mentally deprived, Toni recommends they start with the physical because physical change will start to change their mentality.
For example, if you are not eating enough during the day and find yourself binging at night, you should try to focus on eating three balanced meals throughout the day so you can start physically feeling better.
Toni says you have to remember that every choice that you make has an effect—which has a reaction.
You have to take things slowly, though, because if you try to change everything all at once, you’ll burn out and struggle with consistency.
Jared finds that people often try to take on too much and end up just freezing.
If you are concerned about things being too slow, remember that the slow way is actually the fast way, Toni says.
It’s better to take a year to lose weight and really transform than it is to keep struggling the same way you have been for decades—always having another 10 lbs to lose.
Jared often finds that those who want to lose weight the fastest struggle the longest.
Why So Many Fail:
Toni believes that it is very much an issue of mindset and that we are often told for our entire lives that we need to change. This leads to people trying to follow things that aren’t designed for them, not considering their lifestyle.
The more you love your decisions the less you need others to love them.
She says you have to understand that your way will not look like anyone else’s way.
Jared points out that we often struggle with weight loss in ways that we don’t struggle in any other area of our life.
People will say they are an “all-or-nothing person” in weight loss and will skip a workout because they can’t get the whole 60 minutes in, but they don’t quit their job because they are running 15 minutes late.
Toni believes that it comes down to control.
Food is one of the things people have control over—what they eat or don’t eat.
She emphasizes that it’s important to continually grow and that a person who believes they have it all figured out will start regressing.
Coaching, she finds, helps people stop getting in their own way. Just having someone to give you a different perspective can be immensely helpful.
What Toni Is Currently Working On/Excited About:
Toni is working on a small, in-person body image healing workshop and she hopes to host larger retreats in the future.
Her goal is to bring women together and get them to feel supported and more comfortable in their bodies.
CONNECT WITH TONI:
‣ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tips_with_toni
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‣ Website: https://tipswithtoni.com
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