Dieting From The Inside Out
Creating Foundational Change with Emily Frisella | DFIO Ep.258
About Today’s Episode:
I have a VERY special guest for you today—Emily Frisella.
I was actually a little nervous doing this interview because of how much I look up to her!
Emily is the wife of Andy Frisella and together they own and operate 11 companies, one of which is 1st Phorm—which as many of you know is a sponsor of this show.
We get into a lot in this episode. We talk a lot about business, we talk about success, and what I want you to take from this episode are the principles we talk about.
These foundational pieces can be applied to your transformation and your life to create positive, lasting change.
00:41 About Today’s Episode
03:03 Our Sponsors
05:15 Emily’s New Book
07:40 Balancing Loving Yourself and Working on Yourself
16:20 Why So Many People Aren’t Successful
18:32 How Emily Balances Her Life
28:51 Enjoying The Process
30:56 The Dichotomy of Discipline and Grace
33:48 How to Get Started with Personal Development
37:35 What’s Next For Emily
38:37 Jared's Outro and How to Apply for Coaching
Transcription (click to expand)
Creating Foundational Change with Emily Frisella | DFIO Ep.258
0:00:00.1 Emily Frisella: Love yourself enough to make progress. Love yourself enough to do something with your life. Love yourself enough to provide for your family in a substantial way. It's telling yourself the truth and saying, "I'm not gonna put up with his bullshit anymore. It's time for me to get healthy and take control of my life." When you get healthy, you get in shape, you workout, you are so much better of a person inside and out. You can give out so much more in the world to your family, to your business, to your spouse, to everybody.
0:00:27.0 Jared Hamilton: What's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Dieting From The Inside Out. If you are new here, welcome to the show. I'm Jared Hamilton. I am your host. Man, I have a really cool episode for you today. This was another... This was a guest that I was... I'll be honest with you. You can probably tell in the episode, I was actually a little bit nervous to interview just because I look up to this woman so much. This episode is a little bit different. I interviewed Emily Frisella. Emily Frisella is the wife of another one of my heroes, Andy Frisella. He's the CEO of 1st Phorm. Actually, the one time I don't have on a 1st Phorm shirt. He's the CEO of 1st Phorm. You guys know that's one of our sponsors, and they own... She gets into it a little bit, they own collectively like 11 companies that they help run and operate and all these things.
0:01:10.0 Jared Hamilton: But I wanna get Emily on for a few reasons for you. Number one is Emily has a very, very great perspective on how to, number one, balance the goals that you have, how to love yourself and work on yourself, and how to go about starting your journey into personal development and changing yourself at a foundational level and ultimately changing your life forever. Now, this episode went a million different directions. It was so much fun. Emily is a breath of fresh air, and I know you guys will love this episode. Now in this episode, we did talk a lot about business. Emily is a business titan. Like I said, she owns... Her and her husband own and operate like 11 different companies at a crazy high level, one of which is 1st Phorm. So it's some crazy stuff, but a lot of the stuff that I want you to take out of this episode is very principle based.
0:01:58.9 Jared Hamilton: Because there's like what we would call like the success principles where it's the similar and same foundational pieces that will make you lose all the weight and keep it off, that will make your marriage better or will make your other relationships better. If you have a business, it will help scale your business. It's these same similar foundational success principles that if you implement, your life will never change, and these are not overnight hacks. These are foundational core strategies you can start implementing that will quite literally change your life forever. So a lot of what we talked about, we may be talking a little bit about stuff from like a business vibe to it, but don't think just because you may not own or operate a business, that you can't apply that. It's the exact same concepts and principles you can apply over here to your transformation in everything that you're working with.
0:02:42.2 Jared Hamilton: This is was great episode. It was an amazing time. I enjoyed it. Like I said, I was actually quite a bit nervous talking to her because I look up to her and Andy so much. They have both transformed and helped change my life, this business and everything that I do, and it was an honor talking with her and her coming on the show and whatnot. So I know you're gonna get a lot out of this episode. Now before we do go to that clip, a big thank you to the sponsors of the show. Sponsor number is 1st Phorm. So like I said, this is Andy Frisella's wife. So Andy is the CEO and creator of 1st Phorm, the supplement company that we work with. You guys know when it comes to supplements, I talk about it all the time, supplements are not the end all, be all. But man, when they are needed or helpful, it's a home run. Because you have to understand, supplements are there to fill the gaps that you are not getting with food.
0:03:36.6 Jared Hamilton: Just because anymore... Between just the way a lot of foods are now and then people's preferences or intolerances or convenience or lack thereof, it can be really hard to get everything you need in a day 'cause most people aren't hitting all their fruits and vegetables. Most people are not getting enough protein and most people are inflamed as fuck all day. So a lot of times, having supplements that will help fix these problems and fill these gaps, not in a hacker or the cleanser or detox way, from a foundational standpoint, it'll change everything for you and be really helpful. Be sure and check out the links below for that because it does support me and I really, really appreciate it. I'll also leave a link below. If you're not quite sure where to get started with supplements or what you should take or shouldn't, I have another video down there for you as well.
0:04:18.8 Jared Hamilton: Sponsor number two is FlexPro Meals because convenience is everything. [laughter] Guys, I'm telling you, for me, I always have FlexPros in my fridge. Like yesterday is a perfect example. My Wi-Fi went out yesterday. We're having to switch to new providers, but... So I had to go to different places like my brother's house or a coffee shop to set up and get some work done. But I just... Instead of having to swing through a drive-through on the way over there to eat, I just grabbed a FlexPro Meal and headed out the front door. In this way, I stayed on track for my goals. I stayed well fed. I didn't end up in a drive-through and pay $16 for a Triple 8 burrito. So I'm telling you, it helps a lot, it'll save you money, keep you on track and keep the food tasting amazing for you. So, if that's something that you'd be interested in or wanna learn more about, go to the link below or go to flexpromeals.com. But if you use my code HamiltonTrained, it'll save you like 20%, which is pretty cool. Otherwise, I will be quiet now and get Emily on here. I know you'll get a lot of value out of this. I'll talk to you soon.
0:05:15.6 Jared Hamilton: I just finished your book, by the way, your new one.
0:05:18.2 Emily Frisella: Oh, thanks. Thanks. Thank you.
0:05:18.9 Jared Hamilton: Fantastic. What made you wanna write that?
0:05:22.6 Emily Frisella: My publisher.
0:05:23.8 Jared Hamilton: Really?
0:05:24.5 Emily Frisella: So the publisher that... My cookbooks, that I wrote those through, we were switching the format over from my print copy of my cookbooks. I switched them over to just like an e-book. And we were working on the formatting of that because with COVID and all that stuff, like paper supply got super low, and then everybody raised their rates where it's astronomical to print the cookbooks. They always were crazy expensive anyway 'cause they're full color, but then Amazon also raised their rates. The said, "Oh, due to COVID, we need to raise the rates." And it's like they publicly made more money than any other company during COVID.
0:05:58.5 Jared Hamilton: Sure.
0:06:00.3 Emily Frisella: And so that's why I pulled them all off of Amazon. I was like, "Screw it. I'll just sell them solely on my own website, and that's it." But then through this e-book process, my publisher is like... 'Cause I talked to her for... I've worked with her for seven years now. She goes, "Have you ever thought of writing a leadership book?" And I was like, I go, "No." She's like, "I think you should really write one." I was like, "I don't know if I wanna do a book again." Blah, blah, blah. She's like, "I think you should really write one." And I was like, "Well, I don't wanna write about leadership. I wanna write about the foundation of the relationships needed." Blah, blah, blah. She's like, "Oh, I like that." I go, "Well, I think I'd like it to start around my core values of my company." Blah, blah, blah. And then she's like, "All right." I was like, "Well, when do you want the manuscript by?" And she was like, "Well... " I think it took about nine months to write the book. And I sent it over to her and then we got it going. So she actually is the one that's like, "Have you ever thought about this? I think you should do this." And I was like, "Sure, why not?" So then I just did it, so.
0:06:54.5 Jared Hamilton: I love it. I love it. And it was a fantastic book 'cause it really resonates with me 'cause that's... So for context, I've been in Arete since day one, and I've built my entire business from all that, from everything Andy and Ed talks about from leadership core values, the mission, the whole nine yards. So as soon as you said, "Hey, I'm coming out with a book." I'm like, "Buy it right now." [laughter] And I'll be sure to put links for all of that. Where can people actually get your cookbooks and stuff at, if they're not on Amazon?
0:07:24.8 Emily Frisella: Just on emilyfrisella.com.
0:07:26.8 Jared Hamilton: Cool.
0:07:27.4 Emily Frisella: Yeah, the cookbooks are not on there yet 'cause we're still trying to like... There's a plug-in widget thing we had to work with, and it was kinda causing issues. So those won't be up 'til probably about another week or so, so yeah.
0:07:35.3 Jared Hamilton: Nice. Very cool. Cool.
0:07:37.4 Emily Frisella: I'm excited.
0:07:37.9 Jared Hamilton: Well, I'll make sure to put all that in the show notes and stuff. One of the things that I really wanted to hear your take on is... 'Cause with this podcast, it's called Dieting From The Inside Out, but it's basically very much the mindset around achievement. We just do it through usually the tool of fitness and health and higher potential weight loss, things like that. But I'm curious 'cause I loved when you've talked about this before on some of your other channels, and I'd love to hear your take on it here, is the balance of... Because of where the current state of things in the world of loving yourself and working on yourself. Because I think so many times right now it's an interesting place of loving... People are using the excuse of loving yourself almost as a way to enable bad behavior. It's like, "No, I'm good enough the way I am," and it's like, "Well, wait. That's why we have such shitty results in life." And I'd love to hear your take on that.
0:08:25.9 Emily Frisella: Well, I think what it boils down to is a lot of people, we don't realize how good we're designed to feel. We get used to a sense of, "Okay, this is what I feel like," and that could be... I think everybody kinda goes through phases in life where it's... I went through the phase of drinking, partying, and you eat steak and shake at Waffle House at 3:00 AM on the way home type of situation. And then if that is your habits that you create, you're not gonna feel good. You don't know how good you're supposed to feel. You might feel a little bit better than you did the day before. However, when you're actually eating the right foods, moving your body, drinking water, getting enough sleep, all this jazz, when you're doing all these good things and you're building these proper habits, that's when you're like, "Holy cow, I feel great." And then if you do eat fast food or drink again, you're like, "Oh, man. I don't feel good anymore" 'cause now you have something to compare it to how good you feel versus how bad you feel now.
0:09:22.9 Emily Frisella: And the whole self-love thing, yeah, I have a lot of opinions about that because I believe, and this is purely my opinion, that the whole self-love statement was made for love yourself enough to make progress. Love yourself enough to do something with your life. Love yourself enough to provide for your family in a substantial way. That's how I have always interpreted that phrase. But you're right. With the whole twist in the way society is almost like pacifying people and meeting them where they are but in a dangerous and sometimes deadly state. Because if you're morbidly obese, you're not healthy, you know what I mean? And that's been glorified. Why don't you want to love yourself enough to get healthy, love yourself enough to be there for your family for years and years or be able to play outside with your kids and things like that?
0:10:18.8 Emily Frisella: So I just feel like it's been so twisted to pacify people, and that's a very dangerous place, because then somebody like me or you says, "No, that's not self... " Like I've made several posts about it, like self-love, that's not real like the way society and social media has geared it up to be. It's telling yourself the truth and saying, "I'm not gonna put up with his bullshit anymore. It's time for me to get healthy and take control of my life." Because you know this. When you get healthy, you get in shape, you workout, you are so much better of a person inside and out. You can give out so much more in the world to your family, to your business, to your spouse, to everybody. I just think that's a very... It's a very slippery slope with that.
0:11:04.0 Jared Hamilton: Absolutely. Well, 'cause I almost think of it like... I don't have kids myself, but you would never do that with parenting. If you have two kids and one beats the other one or treats the little sister like shit, he goes, "No, Mommy, this is just who I am." It's like, "I love you and accept you, but that behavior is not tolerated anymore." You know what I mean?
0:11:22.0 Emily Frisella: That's a great analogy and a way to put it because it is like, it's that reality of that. And I feel like it's oftentimes, I think, intimidating for people to make those changes 'cause they just don't know where to start. Because Andy's shared this, expressed it many a times. When he was 350, 360 pounds, he didn't love himself. And he always teases like, "Oh yeah, I'd look at myself and be like, I'd do me if I had a drink of six pack." That's like his joke. And he says that, but it's true. It's like we oftentimes... We excuse ourself into complacency and a lazy state instead of saying, "Okay, you know what? All I have to do is work on today." And I think that's what people need to grasp is you don't have to look at it, "I have a 100 pounds to lose." Let's look at it as, "Okay, you know what? Today I'm gonna do these healthy habits." And then the next day, "Today, I'm gonna do these today."
0:12:16.8 Emily Frisella: And every single day, it's just one thing after another. Andy and I always tell people 75 hard. If they feel like, "Oh, it's 75 days." No, it's just one day, and you're linking one day 75 times in a row. And that is like a psychological switch on how you interpret that, and you're like, "Oh, it's just today." And you have to look at every day as just today. And then those days compound, and they're... Your results, then you gain that momentum and they just... They flourish.
0:12:42.1 Jared Hamilton: I love that so much. When we have a client or someone that has a lot of weight to lose, we say the same things. "You don't have a 100 pounds. It's you have one pound to lose just 100 times." So as soon as you lose the one, it's like that's it. That's as hard as it's gonna be. I think that also ties really well with... Ed talks about it a lot with the power... Like with don't quit for one more day or one more whatever. I think it almost forces you to be present with your actions in the now instead of using the journey... I'm sorry, the end date, if you will, as almost a distraction.
0:13:12.1 Emily Frisella: Yeah, I agree with that because then it is easy to be a distraction or you think of, "Well, I have 100 pounds to lose. Well, these last two weeks, I've only lost 10. I have 90 more. I gotta do this that many more times?" And then people just like, "Forget it. I don't wanna do it." But then when they do it, it's crazy when you reflect on that because when you see your results and I don't just mean physical, I mean like...
0:13:35.3 Jared Hamilton: Everything.
0:13:36.3 Emily Frisella: If you take inventory of your mental, emotional, everything, and you look back on that, you're like, "That was such a short amount of time for the results that I got and the way I feel now. Why did I put that off so long?" And that's what I hear a lot of from people. It's like, "I put it off for 20 years, losing 75 pounds. And now I've been dieting for three months, and I've lost that. And I can't believe I waited 20 years to invest three months in myself." It's just, if you buckle down and you're consistent, it's amazing like how quickly things can happen. And it's like you said, it's like it's focusing on that one pound 100 times over, and when you get into that mindset, you do, you have better workouts because you're not thinking about the end goal. It's just, "Okay, let me put it all on the line now. Let me do it all right now 'cause it just... It amplifies everything, it makes everything better, it makes your results better, it makes you feel better. Your mood improves everything.
0:14:31.9 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, no. It's the same thing even in business. You guys all talk about it where everyone overestimates what they can do in let's say like 12 months in your business. But in the next three to five years, you can... To be honest with you, my business was that. I would overestimate what I'd do in 12 months and be like, "Oh, my shitty results." But in the last five years, I can't recognize my life. You know what I mean? It's the same thing.
0:15:00.0 Emily Frisella: Yeah, absolutely, and that's something I think that you have to be self-aware to realize that and have that because it is true. It's like you can overestimate like, "Oh, in 12 months I'm gonna... " If you start a business, it's like, "Oh, I'm gonna launch and reach my first million." But then they're not thinking long term, and the thing is when you do a little... Your consistent efforts like Andy does the Power List, I've also had the Top Five Priorities, which is weird. 'Cause like all these years we've been together, I had my own thing before we met and so did he, and they just have all happened to be five things, which is wild.
0:15:27.5 Jared Hamilton: You never talked about it? That's hilarious.
0:15:29.3 Emily Frisella: No, 'cause I mean, I met Andy 17 years ago, and I started doing my Top Five when I was about 22 years old. And then I met Andy when I was 20... Was I? 25 maybe, I guess? I can't remember. 23. I can't. I don't know when it was, but yeah. So it's just comical. But when you do these little things, these small actions every single day, it does add up. And then when you look back on your life, like you said, you look back and you don't identify your life, that's what happens, you know what I mean? 'Cause you just... It's that consistent effort every single day. And it may seem minuscule at the time like it's not gonna make a difference, but I always tell people it's like, "Look at it when you have a hailstorm on your car. Like one piece of hail, no big deal. But one piece of hail repeated over and over again, it makes a big impact. Same thing with your habits."
0:16:15.0 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, that's so good. That's so good. I'm gonna steal that analogy.
0:16:18.1 Emily Frisella: Okay. [laughter]
0:16:18.6 Jared Hamilton: That's so good. I'm curious. I think this piggybacks very well into some of the other stuff I was going to talk to you about. So for you as a whole 'cause I know like we talked about, if you wanna kind of sound woo-wooey, like success principles apply for so many things, business relationships, your fitness, all of it. But why don't you think so many people are successful as a whole with... Whether it be fitness, their business, their relationships? Why is it do you think the majority of people aren't?
0:16:47.4 Emily Frisella: Because they wait for the perfect time instead of just starting. They always wait for their finances to be at this place. They wait for their kids to graduate. They wait for their marriage or relationships to get to a certain level. They wait 'til they have so much money in the bank. They wait for this, wait for that, wait for that, and they spend their whole life waiting instead of just, "You know what? My finances are a wreck. My kids are still in school, but what I can do now is I can start researching. I can get my domain. I can start whatever it is." They just... They wait around too long, and then they end up living their life waiting.
0:17:18.6 Jared Hamilton: That's so good. I think it's interesting when we're talking with people in the world of transformation stuff around wanting to wait, it almost... If someone's willing to wait before changing their life, it almost sets up like the assumption of, "Are you gonna quit when things get hard then?" If we're waiting it's almost, I think it's almost assumed then you're just gonna throw in the towel when things get rocky again.
0:17:38.9 Emily Frisella: Yeah, yeah, because people wait for that perfect time, the perfect setting. That's not the case, you know what I mean? And just think about as humans, everything that we overcome in life, we're thrown... You might get a phone call in the middle of the day, and it ruins your day. And then it's something that could be completely life-altering news that you get or whatever it is. And so we... But I don't know if that's a fear thing that we're afraid to just jump in because we don't like surprises. But you're never going to be ready. That's what people always say, we don't have children either, but people always say like, "Oh, you're never ready to have kids, you just have it." And that's kind of just the way it is. You know what I mean? They're like, "You're never ready 'cause you're all scared shitless," is what I hear from parents. But it's just taking that action, knowing like, "Okay, this is what I want, though. I just gotta go for it." So same. I agree with you. It's like if they wait to get started, I feel like when things get a little shaky, they're gonna be more apt to quit for sure.
0:18:29.6 Jared Hamilton: No, absolutely. So I'm curious for you then, how do you... Because this is one of my favorite questions to ask someone who has what I would call a very full life, you have so much on your plate between all the companies, all the Andy stuff, Arete, travel, all of these things. And then do shit that you guys enjoy, for you, how do you balance all of that while keeping your ducks in a row for your health and your goals and things like that, and then on top of it, you throw 75 heart in the middle of it or whatever. So how do you manage all of it?
0:19:04.0 Emily Frisella: I use a Paper & Plan Co planner.
0:19:05.0 Jared Hamilton: Let's go.
0:19:09.6 Emily Frisella: The shameless plug, not so shameless.
0:19:10.1 Jared Hamilton: Let's go.
0:19:10.2 Emily Frisella: No, I really do. It is just about time management. That's one thing that I hear a lot of from my coaching clients and things. It's all about time management. Andy and I are in a very heavy building period right now, we have been for the last decade, we actually just took our first vacation last week, that was our first vacation in 10 and a half years.
0:19:29.9 Jared Hamilton: Holy shit!
0:19:30.0 Emily Frisella: Our last vacation was our honeymoon 10 and a half years ago. So we've been head down building and we decided like, "Okay, it's time to go out for a little air." And we still worked a little bit on our vacation and stuff, but it was nice, but I think it is important that you make sure you take a little time like that. But for us, the building and growing phase is fun and we enjoy it so much. So as far as balance, I don't really think there is such a thing as balance, I think it's a blend and a bleed, it's finding what works for you in your life, and I don't wanna say it's hard for me to speak to on that, but it is a little bit because we don't have children, so we don't have to worry about balancing that aspect to it. But really what I would say is my key components is time management, I always plan my full week on Sunday evenings. I use a method called priorities, needs, and wants that I've used for decades. And what I do is I just take... You could take a piece of paper, notebook, whatever, and I write down all my priorities for that week. These are things that are non-negotiable, it could be doing a podcast, it could be a doctor's appointment, a meeting or whatever.
0:20:34.2 Emily Frisella: Then I have my needs, things I need to get done that week as well that are not super urgent, but still need to be completed. And then I write down my wants for that week, things that I want to do, and this could be I want to clean out my filing cabinet or I want to go get a manicure. It's truly just wants. And so then what I do then is on Sunday night, I take about 30 minutes and I go through my planner and I write down all my priorities. I plug those in to what I have to do that week, and then I'll go through my needs list and I plug in that in the time spaces allowed. If I do have availability in my week, then I'll plug in some of those wants that I could fit in that time. If my week is too busy, then I'll just hold those wants off 'til the following week. But what I have done, especially the last two years, I've stopped over-booking myself because I used to subscribe five years ago to... If my planner was so packed, I felt like I was "successful."
0:21:29.7 Emily Frisella: I was just busy, I wasn't being as productive as I could. And when I ditched that mentality and started really just going towards the productive methods of, "I just need to do stuff that's gonna move the needle and get me closer to my goals," I actually had so much more fulfillment and happiness with that because I did not feel burnt out, I did not feel like I was busy or like I was chasing my tail, or speeding to the next meeting or the next call or whatever was going on in my life. And now I try to, and I'm pretty consistent with it every once in a while, it won't happen, but I try to end my day around 5:00, 5:30 because it's 6:00. Andy will usually get home around that time, and then I start dinner. We have a whole night time ritual, you know what I mean? He'll get home, we'll take the dogs, we'll go down to his garage, we hang out in the garage in the lounge for a while and talk about our day, what's going on. Then I'll come back up here with the dogs, I'll start dinner. He comes up, we have dinner together, and we just try to relax more at night, and it's been very beneficial in that regard, as far as keeping some sort of "balance."
0:22:32.8 Emily Frisella: As far as doing things like hobbies and stuff, I actually just had a conversation with him last night, I was like, "We don't really have time or make time to do those types of things." But that is something on our radar now, of like, okay, I wanna... He plays guitar and I have a banjo. It's like, I wanna get back into those...
0:22:48.6 Jared Hamilton: That's awesome.
0:22:49.0 Emily Frisella: Kind of things. So it's like getting an instructor for more lessons and things like that, 'cause we're both absolutely terrible, but we try.
0:22:58.1 Jared Hamilton: That's amazing.
0:22:58.4 Emily Frisella: Yeah, so it's just staying organized, managing your time and really auditing what you do in a day, because so many people, they say they don't have time. Look at your screen time. I spend a maximum of 30 minutes a day on Instagram. That's it, that's all I'll be on there and I monitor it. And if I make a post on any of the pages that I manage, it will be a little bit over 'cause I always respond to comments and DMs and such, but yesterday I made three posts on three different pages and I was like... I was on the phone for two hours then because I was going back and forth, but it's just putting time into where it matters.
0:23:32.6 Jared Hamilton: That's so powerful. That's so good, 'cause that's the thing, is the very first thing that you said that I think everyone listening needs to hear is that you are so proactive on the offense about what is still a controllable for you. I think we're so many people who, whether it be whatever, the busiest kid's life, work, school, overtime, whatever it is, is people flip to almost like a victim mentality and go, "Well, here's all the reasons I can't do it." And all these things outside of my control, but you said, "No, on this time, every week, I say, what's my priority." And then you line your actions with your ambition and build your life around it. That's incredible.
0:24:08.0 Emily Frisella: Well, because you have to be proactive, not reactive. If you operate in a proactive state, you're gonna immediately feel more like mentally at ease and not as stressed out. Where I used to be in a reactive state where I'd like... And I would actually get bitter and resentful towards myself like, "Why are you doing this to yourself? You don't need to work this." And meaning working in a reactive, unproductive and just strictly busy state.
0:24:35.8 Jared Hamilton: Sure. That's huge.
0:24:37.4 Emily Frisella: So, whenever I switched that, then it's funny because as soon as I switched that and became more proactive with it, it's amazing, my income increased exponentially, how I felt overall as a person increased... Everything got better because I was like, "Hey, you know what, I only actually had to work about five hours a day, but I got all this stuff done. I feel great and I'm gonna go play in the yard with the dogs, or I'm gonna do this." And I could feel at ease because I knew that I did everything I had to get done that day.
0:25:05.5 Jared Hamilton: I love that. For you, did you notice when you scaled back your schedule instead of having it blocked dusk 'til dawn, did you find you were way more effective with the higher priority things?
0:25:18.7 Emily Frisella: Absolutely, I was because I wasn't drained and I have this thing. Where is it? I have a frame somewhere in here, but... Well, I move my stuff around all the time, so I like to reorganize all the time, but it says, "Do first what you don't wanna do most." So that's my rule that I live by, and I actually made note pads. Oh, I have actually on this note pad too, but it's...
0:25:36.5 Jared Hamilton: I love that. [laughter]
0:25:37.4 Emily Frisella: Yeah. So it's just one of those things where it's like I go into my office every day and I look at my list, I do the thing that I'm dreading the most first, it's out of the way, it's done. Because I feel like everybody can relate to this where you see a project and you're like, "I do not even wanna dig into that, it's gonna be such a nightmare, it's gonna take so long." And blah, blah, blah, and you kick the can down the road. Well, and then this project sits on your desk for three weeks or a month or whatever, finally you're like, "I'm tired of looking at this, I'm just gonna do it." I did this personally, it was probably two years ago, I guess. I had this epiphany, if you will, and I dove in and did it. It took me 15 minutes and I put it off for a month.
0:26:16.2 Jared Hamilton: No. [laughter]
0:26:17.7 Emily Frisella: I literally got done with it. And I remember out loud, I go, "Emily, you are so dumb." That's what I said to myself. And then it's like, "Okay, from now I'm gonna do first what I don't wanna do most." And then with that, it's like it does, it makes your whole day roll so much easier because then I can start doing the things I enjoy after that first thing is out of the way. Because like I said, it's like I was more effective, I did better work. I felt like I just had more juice to squeeze out of my brain, if that makes sense. [laughter]
0:26:42.7 Jared Hamilton: Absolutely. I think, to be honest with you, that's something I need to do a better job with. I feel like my default personally is, "Oh, I should have gotten more." If I did five things, I should have done six or seven or whatever the case is. I think I need to go through that and say, "Alright, I think it's time to intentionally scale back and be more effective." So.
0:27:02.5 Emily Frisella: Yeah, it is. It makes it huge difference 'cause then you realize really how much time you're wasting on stuff that doesn't really move the needle, it's just more of like, "Oh, while I'm doing this, I'm gonna go ahead and do this too." Well, that's not a priority. That's not something you have to do, that's not a need at this moment. So I actually keep a little notepad too, and if I think of something like that that I want to do or whatever, I just scribble it down and that's it, and then I'll go to it next time. And something I've always done is called a dungeon day. It's usually on Thursdays, and I don't take any calls, no podcasts, no nothing. All I do is just completely like... It's a little offensive and defensive work that I do because I try to go through all my emails or get back with anybody, tie-up loose ends. I do any sort of research I need to do for projects or like, it's all like the nitty-gritty work that you need to get done, but maybe you don't have time during the week.
0:27:57.1 Emily Frisella: And that's the thing is like I walk myself in my office and I just knock it all out, and that's honestly been such a huge game changer for me because it almost serves as an insurance policy too, because let's say Tuesday, I have stuff scheduled. Let's say I get sick and I have to cancel on everything, and everybody that I was supposed to meet with or talk to or things I was supposed to do that day, I have Thursday, I can just like, "Hey, can we just literally copy and paste this event to Thursday?" Sure, let's do it. So it always allows you like a little make-up time, and then if I don't have anything going on and didn't have to move anybody around, it is such a wonderful feeling because when I get done on Thursday at late afternoon working, I feel great. You feel like 10 pounds has been lifted off of your shoulders because it's like I'm in a really good place, and then you wrap up your week on Friday, and then on the weekends, I do work a little bit, but it's not like it used to be because I'm taking care of everything during the week now.
0:28:48.7 Jared Hamilton: That's so good, I love that. I think one of the other things that you mentioned that I think is a really big thing to talk about for some of the people listening, and this I think applies to a lot, not just business, but transformation and weight loss and things like that, is when you said you and Andy hadn't taken a vacation in so long and you came out for air, but you mentioned... But it's 'cause you love the building phase, and I think people underestimate the power of enjoying the process of whatever process you're doing, 'cause if you didn't love it, I don't think... One, you probably would not be as successful as you are. And number two, you probably would have broke or most people would break, who...
0:29:23.6 Emily Frisella: Yeah, but no, we both just... We absolutely love what we do because collectively together, we own and operate 11 different companies, and so we just love the building, the growing and the expansion. "Let's scale it. Let's do this and that." So we absolutely love that. It's almost like an adrenalin rush to see what you can do next, and I think that's a big key for both of us, we love to evolve. Even our current businesses, what's another thing we can start to add to this or we can implement in here. But yeah, it's one of those things where it's like, "Yeah, we do truly love it." But I think it's because we get to be creative with it. Now, if it was just... If I just had to look at spreadsheets all day and everything else, I would be broke nine years ago, I would be like, "Forget this, I'm done, I'm throwing my computer out the window."
0:30:07.6 Emily Frisella: But when you... It sounds so cliche, but when you do what you love, you never work a day in your life type thing like, yeah, you're working. But the thing is you love what you do while you're doing it, and the teams you build and the relationships that you build, so it is something where it's like... It's creating a life that you truly love, and I hate the saying of, 'Create a life you don't need a vacation from,' type of thing, but it really is true 'cause we really do enjoy it. But here, I will say this caveat with this, again, we do not have children, so I understand, 'cause people say when you have kids... Obviously, if you have kids, it's like, you don't have any "downtime" that you will... It's a good idea for you to have a little bit more like, often little vacations or weekend trips.
0:30:48.0 Jared Hamilton: Sure. [laughter]
0:30:48.3 Emily Frisella: Because people say like, "Oh, it makes you a better parent." 'Cause you're able to fully disconnect. But for us it's like we do have our alone time and our downtime and things like that, so.
0:30:57.1 Jared Hamilton: It's interesting. I'm curious your thoughts on this, 'cause you and I have a very similar stance on balance and all that mess, it's such a... What is it? It's on a sliding scale. It's all this stuff. But for the average person that's trying to change their life, where do you... Is there a balance or where's the dichotomy between something like, we'll call it discipline and standards, but then also grace, balance in being a human, where... Do you think someone like 10 years, to one vacation vibes? Or is it like for you... Where is that balance? I know it's a sliding scale, but the dichotomy between those two. Discipline and standards, but yet grace, balance, and being a human. For you, where do you think that's at?
0:31:41.3 Emily Frisella: That's kind of a hard question. I think it's almost like a case by case basis, but I truly believe that that all boils down to relationships and leadership, because you can marry those two together, they can look like a strand of DNA, it just kinda goes on to... I feel that's like if you had a pillar, if one side of this DNA strand was the... You're grinding, you're going at it and also... And the other side is that grace and balance, it does truly dance together and marry together, because if you create these relationships and you are a strong leader, you create solid teams to where they can... When we were gone, our teams, they carried the torch. You know what I mean? We didn't have to. And that was honestly a really good feeling because we hadn't seen them in 10 years without us around, and we're like, "Wait, we're doing a good job."
0:32:34.1 Emily Frisella: Nothing's burning to the ground.
0:32:35.8 Jared Hamilton: Sure.
0:32:36.3 Emily Frisella: Everything is okay. And we know that though, we know they're great, but it's just one of those things like, "Okay, wait, we could actually do this more and get away a little bit more and not be like so helicopter." I guess, or hovering over to me anyway, 'cause I'm always like... It's like I'm always... I'm huge on this is my personal brand, whatever, for this and this and this, you know what I mean, and Andy is the same way. So I just think it is kind of just a little... A dance together. I don't know if there is actually a little middle ground with it.
0:33:01.2 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, I think that's such a beautiful explanation of that, 'cause I think that's like... People are looking for what's the magic answer of the balance, but you're right, it is so personal in case by case. But the thing with the DNA strand as a visual, you have to have both. I think people either have a tendency to fall on either all grace and balance, well, then you have shitty discipline, no standards and terrible results, or they're crazy psychopaths and they have no enjoyment and then they break and it's like, "Well, what was the point of even doing this?"
0:33:31.3 Emily Frisella: Yeah, but if you put in the leadership and the strong foundation that is there and allows you more grace and balance, because the first thing was handled, so part two of the grace and balance, it kind of just pairs well together.
0:33:45.8 Jared Hamilton: Yeah, I love that, that's so good. I guess my last question that I really wanna... I'm curious your perspective on, 'cause one of the things we talk about with this community and stuff is tying in the personal development piece to every achievement thing, whether it be in our world, whether it be losing more weight or having the transformation or whatever the thing is. But from people who have come up and they'd never even heard of personal development or where to get started, 'cause when I was probably 23 is when I started reading books and getting into this stuff and it changed my life, that's what I found Andy, that's when I found Ed and everything. But from your perspective, where would someone even start? Who's ground zero. They think motivate... They think personal development is woo-woo bullshit. And I know you and I are avidly against woo-woo bullshit. [laughter] We have to have substance, but where do you think someone could get started if they're like ground zero?
0:34:41.9 Emily Frisella: I think, one, reading. If you're not a reader, then it's going to be podcast, so I would look at some personal development podcast, you can just search that under a category or search like top personal development podcasts on Google. And just start listening to that because I think that is something that you have to keep your mind open to, because again, people might think that's a woo-woo thing. But I think... I was actually just reflecting on this about a month ago, from me... 'Cause I started my first business when I was 20, like me, when I was like 20, 21, I had my business. I did not do any sort of personal development. I didn't even know what it was, that wasn't like a thing then. I'm 40-years-old and that wasn't a deal 20 years ago. And it was indicative to how I operated my business then, 'cause I talk about in the book, as you know, I talk about like, I messed up payroll and I lied to my employees, and I didn't know what I was doing because I falsely thought that, "My dad was a successful entrepreneur, it's just gonna be in my genetics. I'm just gonna be good at it naturally." The most opposite false statement in the century.
0:35:47.4 Emily Frisella: But if I would have studied personal development, or knew even what it was, I could have navigated those issues so much better because I would have been able to have that self-awareness, been able to drop the ego, 'cause my ego was psycho back then. Because I thought, "Oh, I'm 20, I got my business and I own a house." And da, da, da. I was not successful, I didn't have a freaking... I hardly had a pot to piss in, you know what I'm saying?
0:36:11.9 Emily Frisella: I had no money, I was not making any money, but I was just busy looking like I had it, you know what I'm saying? As far as in my business that I had, so I just think that books or podcasts are gonna be key. Following people on social media, that's huge. Audit who you're following. Are you following... Obviously, we all love memes, but are you following these stupid pages that really don't contribute to yourself? Or are you following pages that are from successful entrepreneurs, or motivation pages and things like that, that can kinda light you up? And people are like, "Well, yeah, but I like Instagram, or whatever it is, for the entertainment." That's fine, but I always tell people, make sure 75% of your followers are people that are gonna actually inspire you, and then the other 25% is things that are going to entertain you because that way you can get an education that way. And it's almost in a passive manner because people are putting their reels and videos on Instagram that are powerful, that are little nuggets. Part of a real is a sound bite of some sort of knowledge. It's a complete thought. And so if you follow these types of people, you can get a lot of knowledge in a very short amount of time by following these people and hearing little nuggets of their life. And then you can learn from that. So those are like three little things, books, podcasts and following the right people.
0:37:29.6 Jared Hamilton: I love that. That's so good, and there will be plenty of little bits and nuggets from this podcast. [laughter] So last question, so what's next for you? What are you... What's Emily most excited about and looking forward to right now, what's on your next stuff?
0:37:43.4 Emily Frisella: Growing the Paper & Plan Co. We've got a lot of stuff on the horizon that we're excited about, that we're launching here in the next couple of months, so that's a big thing. I am dabbling and thinking about writing a second book that follows up the Relationships First book.
0:37:57.1 Jared Hamilton: Nice.
0:37:58.5 Emily Frisella: So I'm thinking about that. I haven't fully committed yet, but I've been drumming around some ideas, so I think those two things would be something that I'm most excited about.
0:38:07.6 Jared Hamilton: That's so cool. Now, after this, where can people go? Where would you like to direct everyone to find you and your stuff if they wanna learn more?
0:38:15.4 Emily Frisella: The easiest thing is honestly just Instagram, just @emilyfrisella, and then if you click the link in my bio, it's got all my stuff, like website, all that kind of jazz there. So yeah, just Instagram.
0:38:24.5 Jared Hamilton: Awesome, cool. Emily, thank you so much for doing this. This has been amazing, and I appreciate it more than you know, so thank you so much.
0:38:31.1 Emily Frisella: Oh no, thank you. No, it's been a blast. I appreciate it.
0:38:33.7 Jared Hamilton: I love it. We'll talk soon.
0:38:35.1 Emily Frisella: Okay, thanks.
0:38:36.9 Jared Hamilton: And we are back. Thank you so much guys for tuning in to today's episode of Dieting From The Inside Out. I know if you stuck around for the whole thing, you got a lot out of this episode. Like I said, definitely Emily is a breath of fresh air, and it was so much fun having a conversation with her. Like I mentioned on the show, I've ran into her a couple of times at some of these bigger Arete events, that's what this emblem is. And it's amazing, so I really, really appreciate her coming on. Now, be sure number one, go check out all her links, we'll have all of the stuff for her products, her contact info in the show notes, so definitely reach out to her and tell her that you heard her on the show, that would mean a lot to me. But also a few other things, if you're newer here, depending on where you're at, I have a lot in the description from me for you guys. I have number one, if you're not quite sure where to get started with transformation or any of this stuff. I actually have a totally free course that you should absolutely go through, it's called The Fat Loss Checklist. It's a five day email course. I recently revamped it and redid it.
0:39:32.4 Jared Hamilton: So you guys are gonna love it. You can go through that, it's down in the link below. What else do we have? Also, if you are not part of my Fat Loss Simplified community, it will change your life. You need a home base. One of the most powerful things that you can do to change your situation is get around the right kind of people. And if you do not have a place you can go to where people who get it, who get what you're trying to do, who are rooting for you, who are cheering for you... I know Emily and I talked a little bit about this as well, that it's such an important thing, and you need to have a spot you can go to to get loved on, and to get support, to get certainty, to get your questions answered, and to literally get pushed in the right direction. Otherwise, it makes it really hard going through this game of trying to change your life, it's similar to the game of entrepreneurship, it can be hard, some people won't... A lot of times our friends and family, or sometimes even your partners don't quite get it, and it's so helpful getting around people who get it, where you're not crazy, where you're not ridiculed for changing your life and things like that, so you'll definitely wanna go join that group, I'll leave a link in the description.
0:40:33.8 Jared Hamilton: And then also if you ever are... If you're at the point where you're like, "I think I need a little bit more support, I really don't know how to get started. I'm so overwhelmed with everything." I do have an option that we could talk about, the potential of coaching. So there's a link below where it takes you straight to the top of our list when it comes to coaching the applications, because there's only a certain amount of people we can take on per month with coaching to keep the quality of our coaching high, but we also have to vet everyone who wants to come in and see about the potential of coaching because we don't take anyone with a credit card. We have to make sure this is a good fit on both sides, and that you understand what's all about to happen, and then at that point, then we can talk about potential options. But like I said, with all that going on, I have a special place in my heart for my podcast listeners. So the link in the description is a special application link, if you do wanna apply for coaching, it'll get you booked right to the calendar of my team. But then also we're going to give you, if you get accepted into coaching about $4,000 worth of free stuff, it's pretty dope and whatnot.
0:41:29.3 Jared Hamilton: So I know that was a lot, but I just wanna give all that to you and that you can kind of sit and marinate with that, but otherwise I really appreciate you tuning into today's episode. Be sure and subscribe if you haven't already, be sure and share this, and be sure and leave me a review if the platform lets you. Like I said, I feel like I just verbally puked all over you, but that's just what you get sometimes. So I appreciate you, thank you so much. I will see you in next week's episode.
Emily’s New Book:
Emily recently published a new book, Relationships First. The idea was brought to her by the publisher who Emily has published her cookbooks with.
In the book, Emily shares lessons from business and coaching to guide you toward the work ethic, communication skills, and personal values that every business needs to succeed.
Balancing Loving Yourself and Working on Yourself:
Emily believes that many people aren’t aware of how good we are designed to feel.
People get used to feeling a certain way. Say they eat fast food all the time or party and stay out late—when that’s a person’s life, they don’t have a point of reference for how good they could feel if they weren’t doing those things. When a person has these habits, they probably won’t feel good in general.
When someone starts moving their body, drinking water, and taking care of themselves, they realize how good they feel—and if they go back to eating fast food, and feel like crap—they now have a point of reference for how good they can feel.
When it comes to the advice of “loving yourself,” Emily believes that the statement was originally intended to be “love yourself enough to make progress.” However, the way society has twisted the idea of self-love has turned it into a way to pacify people—and sometimes keep them in a dangerous state.
If you’re obese, you aren’t healthy—but you should love yourself enough to get healthy and be there for your family, play with your kids, etc.
Emily believes that self-love requires telling yourself the truth and if you get in shape, start eating right, etc., you will have a lot more of yourself to give to the people and things in your life that you value.
Emily finds that oftentimes people excuse themselves into complacency. She says that you don’t have to look at getting healthy as “I have 100 lbs to lose.” Instead, you can say, “I’m going to do these healthy habits today,” and then each day you repeat those same healthy habits again.
You look at every day as “it’s just today.”
Something that Andy and Emily tell people with 75 Hard is that it’s just one day and that it’s just linking one day 75 times in a row.
Jared has a similar tactic with his clients who have a larger amount of weight to lose.
Instead of thinking that they need to lose 100 lbs, he suggests they position their weight loss as just 1 pound 100 times.
Jared finds that this approach typically forces people to be more present in their actions instead of focusing on the end goal as a distraction.
Emily often sees that when someone is focused on the end goal they are more likely to give up, but those who are able to take it incrementally—and get the results beyond just physical, mental, and emotional—can’t believe how long they waited to invest in themselves.
Jared believes that a parallel can be drawn to business: people will tend to overestimate what they can do in a shorter period of time, but over a longer duration, if you take things little by little, you’ll often be surprised by your accomplishments.
Emily emphasizes that it’s that consistent effort every single day that adds up. Even though it may seem like it doesn’t add up to much in the short term, over time it makes a big impact.
She uses the example of a hail storm. One piece of hail isn’t a big deal, but one piece of hail over and over again makes a big impact—it’s the same with your habits.
Why So Many People Aren’t Successful:
Emily believes that too many people spend their whole lives waiting. They wait for the ‘perfect’ time, situation, relationship, etc., instead of just starting.
Jared says that in the world of transformation they assume that if someone is comfortable waiting for a perfect situation—when they do start, it’s likely that they will throw in the towel.
Emily agrees that those who wait for the ‘perfect’ moment are more likely to quit when things get rocky. She points out that people need to understand that they are never going to be ready. She uses the example of how people say that you’re never ready for kids, you just have them.
How Emily Balances Her Life:
Emily utilizes time management skills, but she doesn’t believe that there is such a thing as ‘balance’ in life. She believes that it’s about what is right and works for you in your life.
She always plans her full week on Sunday evenings, using a ‘Priorities, Needs, and Wants’ method.
Priorities are non-negotiables. This could be doing a podcast, having a doctor's appointment, a meeting, etc.
Needs are things that need to get done that week, but aren’t as urgent.
Wants are the things you want to do—like getting a manicure.
She starts by making a list of her priorities, needs, and wants. She then plugs the priorities into her planner for the week ahead first, followed by the needs, and lastly the wants. If she doesn’t have space for the wants, they get pushed to the next week.
Emily also doesn’t overbook herself. Five years ago, she felt that when her planner was packed, she was successful—but in reality, she wasn’t as productive as she could be. She was just busy.
Now she focuses on things that will move the needle, which leaves her with more fulfillment and happiness—and she doesn’t have the burnout of being overbooked.
Emily also typically tries to end her day at 5:30 pm so she and Andy can relax at night.
Emily points out that those who believe they don’t have time should audit themselves, like looking at their screen time.
For example, she limits herself to a maximum of 30 minutes a day on Instagram (with occasional exceptions when she makes a post and is responding to comments and DMs).
Jared finds that many people switch on a victim mentality, coming up with all the reasons why they “can’t do it,” whereas Emily stops, prioritizes her week, and builds her life around her ambitions.
Emily believes you need to be proactive, not reactive.
If you are proactive, you can be more relaxed and happier. Being proactive, everything gets better and you can be at ease knowing that you got everything done that you needed to get done.
Emily lives by the principle, “do first want you don’t want to do most.”
She goes into her office and does the thing she’s dreading the most first, which she finds makes the whole day easier.
Jared admits that he needs to do a better job of this himself because he always wants to do more and get more done when he really needs to scale back and focus on the important things.
Emily also has something she calls a ‘dungeon day’—a day where she doesn’t take any calls and doesn’t do any podcasts.
She describes it as being an offensive and defensive day. She goes through emails, does research, and handles the nitty gritty work that always needs to be done, but you never seem to have time for. This day also allows for makeup time if she has missed appointments.
Enjoying The Process:
Emily and Andy both love the building phase of business. They love scaling their businesses and evolving them.
They love it because they can be creative with it. Even though they are working, they enjoy what they do—and though it’s cliche—there is something to creating a life you don’t need a vacation from.
Emily does point out that since she and Andy don’t have kids, it may be different for someone who does because with kids there is no downtime.
The Dichotomy of Discipline and Grace:
Emily says that it’s different from person to person, but she does believe that through creating the right relationships, you can marry discipline and grace. She views it like a strand of DNA—they are wound around one another.
How to get Started with Personal Development:
She believes that reading is the best place to start, but if you aren’t a reader she says to look for personal development podcasts.
Having self-awareness through personal development allows you to better navigate issues and let go of your ego.
She also says to audit who you're following on social media and follow people and pages that will light you up.
She believes that 75% of what you follow should be things that inspire and educate you and the remaining 25% should be for entertainment.
What’s Next For Emily:
Emily is most excited about growing her business, Paper and Plan Co., and is toying around with the idea of writing another book—which would be a follow-up to Relationships First.
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‣ Website: https://www.emilyfrisella.com
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